Friday, August 31, 2007
6:36 PM

After spending my entire week camping out here in Millenia Starbucks, I only have one thing to say...

The good looking people only start materializing on Friday. Oo la la. :D

Even though the whole area is kinda jammed with Comex and post-Teachers' Day students milling around everywhere...

The greatest plus point is the Aviva/Ironman whatever thing that's going on here in Millenia. Because that further adds to the presence of hot people. ;)

H3 is such a______.
My stomach feels funny. My head feels funny. :(

Caught Ratatouille last night with Jason.
IS NICE. SO CUTE. I LIKES. I LIKES VERY MUCH. SO CUTE. ^___^

Krys is still going oun about how my English has degenerated since I came to TJ. Yes, I now speak Singlish. Sue me. :(

So, Disney still doesn't disappoint. Everything has changed somewhat with the demise of Walt Disney himself. But the essence of Disney still courses strongly through the vein of the current movies. Cars, The Incredibles, Lilo & Stitch, etc. (:

Somehow, even this movie seemed very much like a tribute to the great man himself.
LALA.
Anyone can cook. Anyone can dream.

But was plagued with bad bout of diarrhea through the movie which was really torridly awful and dampened my Ratatouille experience.

WATCH IT ANYWAY. :D

Now.. back to H3.................................
................
..........
....
.

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Thursday, August 30, 2007
11:07 AM

As the exams loom closer with each passer day, I hereby leave you with quotes that you may, only under most specific of cirucumstances, wish to use in your GP essays.

History
I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy. I expostulated, but he replied: 'The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies; that's fair.' In these words he epitomized the history of the human race. ~ Bertrand Russell

Education
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
~ Douglas Adams (lovelove)

The Arts
The many great gardens of the world, of literature and poetry, of painting and music, of religion and architecture, all make the point as clear as possible: The soul cannot thrive in the absence of a garden. If you don't want paradise, you are not human; and if you are not human, you don't have a soul.
~ Thomas Moore

For all who haven't started preparing for GP - you should. I don't see why it should take you very much time, it can be done with perfect ease of mind after you've spent 10 draining hours doing Chemistry or what not. Flip through the GP booklet, if you possess it, and pick out the possible questions that you're likely to do. GOOGLE, is a magnificent godsend. Don't lie to cover up your laziness - most things you need for an essay can be easily gleaned from that miracle monster.

And read the GP Bulletin, for TJ students. It is good, if you aren't strong by default, language marks are 20. Content is 30. At least strategize to cover your ass from as many angles as you possibly can to glean language marks if you can't go for language. There are essays in the Bulletin that do not read very well, but the coverage of content is admirable enough.

That said, if you'll refer to the TJ prelim papers for the past few years, most of the questions AREN'T straightforward. And since I'm most selective with the type of questions I would even dare to attempt (and most of you probably will be, of course), I'll probably only be left with the history/terrorism/national boundaries/poverty/life worth living/religion type. :D

Also, please go build up a plethora of Fast Facts on Singapore - you don't need the details, you just need to know enough to sound intelligent. And this will help if you have NO CHOICE but to do the Singapore related question for Paper 1. You'll very likely need it for AQ anyway, so knowing some trivia wouldn't hurt.

Also - main issues in the world right now that should be catching your attention (or at least, it catches MY attention cause its the sort of stuff I'll probably want to use in the type of essays I enjoy doing).

The American Presidency. Putin pulling in the reins. Sarkozy - fresh face for France? The war-that-they-are-too-stubborn-to-end in Iraq. The futile-but-I'm-too-proud-to-admit-that-I-can't-find-him search for bin Laden. (Very) recent release of Korean hostages by the Taliban. Hamas takeover in Palestine and degenerating conditions in Gaza. America's ridiculous conviction that they still have money to move into Pakistan. And more recently, the stockmarket plunge with blame currently mostly focused on bad American mortages. Its effect on the Asian market. The long-term sustainability of SEA's economy. China's shoddy standards which I'm still trying very hard to pretend to be surprised about. Uh, I'm sure there's stuff going on in Africa but like our Western fellows, find it more palatable to ignore what is beyond my comprehension, will, ability or charitability to address. :D They are still poor, impoverished, hungry, and are only being sustained in the short-term by the UN. :S
UHH. Ecetera. (disclaimer)


Well.. yes. Mr. R just demanded my H3. :(
Which I have been putting off.
Moo.
Moo.
H3..


Lifehouse is nice. I always see Jesus in their songs. (:

Lifehouse - Hanging by a Moment

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you


Lifehouse - Unknown

This doubt is screaming in my face
In this familiar place
Sheltered and concealed
And if this night won't let me rest
Don't let me second guess
What I know to be real
Put away all I know for tonight
And maybe I just might
Learn to let it go
Take my security from me
And maybe finally
I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend
That everything makes sense
But does it really matter now
If I do not know how
To figure this thing out

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I am against myself again
Trying to fit these pieces in
Walking on a cloud of dust to
Get to you

I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on
And I am falling into grace
To the unknown to where you are
And faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't-know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

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Monday, August 27, 2007
10:17 PM

Hello, I have so much yet so little to say. Been putting off blogging not because I've been particularly busy, I just haven't had the energy or willpower to articulate the million and ten things that have been having independent discourses in my brain.

The first of which though, is probably the insulting issue of Newsweek from July 23, 2007. The special feature is on crony capitalism in SEA. And well, not that I'm particularly patriotic or anything, but the nerve of these white men who think they know our region oh, so very well...

So the ex-President of the World Bank knows us 'intimately', so he claims. Well thanks for all the SAPs during the Asian Financial Crisis then. They really, really helped, you know.

"For working and middle class Asians, the past 10 years are mainly defined by rising and palpable inequality. The two wealthy city-states Hong Kong and Singapore, today boast inequality as measured by the international Gini benchmark that is on par with urban Argentina."

Well excuse me, but unlike Argentina, Singapore does not have 26.1% of its population below the poverty line.

"Today, it seems all too possible that the region's coddled political and economic elites will allow their states to slide into a Latin American morass, as they continue to live high on the hog while the dreams of ordinary people go down the tubes."

I know you're not just talking about Singapore, but the region here, but I'll leave anyone reading this to make the value judgement for yourself. Overall, the whole article reeked of the same accusations I could jolly well rally the West on.


Anyway, on to other things.

Friends have been commenting with some surprise on MSN or Friendster that they didn't know I was attached. I wasn't aware that I was supposed to proclaim it to the world at large. :P

Funnily, despite Mr. T's conviction of preying on couple-ical TJCians, I've seen a fair share of them committing the apparent odious crime of physical contact in and out of school these past weeks.

I suppose stress does funny things to you. Giggles.

Well I do wish I had more intelligent things to say. I do have many wonderful, wonderful truths. My Abba is such a fantastic God. (:

Well just a little testimony then.

Three Saturdays ago I sent my class-tee for printing. I wanted to get it before the 24th, which was last Friday, our last official day of school before we embarked on our study break, and I really wanted to get our shirts then because we were giving them to our teachers and we wanted them to wear it on dress-down Friday. 2 weeks was the barest minimum that you could expect the company to get the shirts ready for you, and the lady said that she could get it to us by the 24th. The 24th, however, would still obviously be too late since I could only get it after the day was over, of course.

I didn't even pray or specifically ask God for it, but I was mulling to Him, 'Hey Daddy, it would really be nice if we could get the shirts before the 24th, but since we can't, oh well.'

WELL. Exactly one week after I sent my order and settled the payment, the lady messaged me to inform me that the shirts were ready for collection. At first I thought there was some mistake, after all, BARELY 7 days had passed. But I replied anyway, and she told me to go down to Bishan to get the shirts on Monday.

It was so WOW. God is so totally amazing, I didn't even have to ASK Him, it was just His fingerprints all over this gift, this miracle to his beloved Lizzy (and 33/06). (: (:

I collected the shirts, and the lady told me she had written the wrong date on my order. Instead of 24th, she wrote 15th. And since their factory was in M'sia, they just completed the order and delivered it as per written.

SO TOTALLY AMAZING RIGHT! God just turns every circumstance for your good. X)
It doesn't even have to be some big, great miracle you know. Even the little things in your life, God prospers. You don't have to just go to Him when you've got big things to ask for - He'll gladly settle all the teensy weensy, seemingly most insignificant things for you too. Because if its important to you, then its important to HIM.

And I didn't even ask for it specifically. I didn't pray over it, or take communion over it. It was just - 'How nice it would be Lord, if we could have the shirts before the 24th.'

And He provided. (:
He's just like a lover, or a best friend, or a daddy - you know when you wistfully mention some things in passing without fully expecting it to happen but it still does happen to you because the person who really loves you heard it and wants to surprise you with it?

Yeah thats how I felt. Its like my Daddy couldn't wait to bless me because He heard me. (:

Lovely week ahead everyone - especially those encountering the prelims.
GOD be with you. He has made you to be the HEAD and not the TAIL. ABOVE and not beneath!

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Saturday, August 18, 2007
5:06 PM

Hee hee my besties love me. :)

WY gave me a really big, fat green highlighter. (Because I always seem to finish using not only mine, but hers, at a famished, vampiric rate.)

Rene made dubious looking cupcakes for me and WY to sample when we went to Aston's on Thursday (still think its kinda overrated but well its not bad for the price you're paying, other places have ripped you off for less). They (the cupcakes) were actually.uh.not bad.

Vonniekins got me apple strudel!! (: (: Von always gets me strudel to tell me she loves me. Haha. (:

And she would like to remind me that its three weeks, not two, to the Prelims.

Lovelovelove..
Thank you Jesus for such wonderful friends even though we're all so busy now and hardly see each other these days.

Rene apparently popped up outsie my house yesterday with Krin and H.Simin but I was taking an afternoon nap and too tired to entertain their little amusements. They were going to Ice Cream Chef, which I introduced (and treated) WY and Rene to after Aston's on Thursday.

Jason claims Island Creamery is still nicer.
Yeah the Nutella and Horlicks flavours at Island Creamery is probably better.
But nothing beats having crazy mix-ins like chocolate/durian with granola (its nicer than it sounds, trust me. Try it if you're in the neighbourhood.) or chocolate with malteses/marshmellows (madly sweet) or oreo&cream with kinder bueno... etc etc etc.
The permutations are endless. And heavenly. (:

Anyway, ton-ed at the airport last night with Jason after CG.
CG was exciting!!! (:
My house was filled with soooo many people. Over 20 people turned up and it was the biggest CG session I've ever seen. The last time it was this packed was the combined East B/West B Christmas party and that was two caregroups.

It was AGNES' birthday. And we planned a (rather) elaborate surprise. Hahaha. Some of the other JC leaders turned up to surprise her as well, and it was almost difficult to keep her here long enough to give them time to arrive. Hehe. Fun fun fun. (: (:

It was almost ruined by the fact that Agnes was the first to arrive at my place around 7.10PM, leading to a minor panic over how the cake was going to arrive unseen. Fortunately Xin En and Aruna were coming on their own - and they're new, so I managed to drag Agnes out to the bus-stop to meet them (a diversion! ~Legolas) while Ziyu and Jaslyn sneaked in from the other direction with the cake.

Was quite amusing really but it worked! I'll bet Agnes was really baffled over the fact that none of us wished her happy birthday and annoyed that even Kitz was late (worship can't commence without the guitarist.. hehe) and that the J3s whom she had commanded to move up to their respective Uni caregroups had unanimously reappeared again.

Lol. Yes. 'Twas fun.. Agnes is an awesome, really anointed, favoured CGL full of grace and wisdom. Totally love her even though sometimes her 'funny' jokes and bimbo-esque moments really make me bewildered. HAHA.


Okay yes..
As I was saying, Jason and I ton-ed at the Airport yesterday (or was it this morning).
Lasted till 4.30AM. Didn't help that I only slept past 3.00AM the previous night and only had a short nap before CG on Friday. Well I valiantly tried to read about the Arab-Israel conflict till about 5.30AM, trying to do Probably and Binomial Distribution in between (but alas, I couldn't remember a THING about how to do Probably or Binomial. I can't even remmeber how to type it into the calculator LOL, so it was pretty much a lost cause) and gave up and slept till about 6.30AM.

I think Jason survived most of it. Though I did remember waking up at some point and seeing him resting his head on the table. Lol.

Well well. It wasn't too bad, really. Though as most of the TK gang would know I'm not much of an overnight-er. WY and Von are. Well. Von is. I know WY spews rubbish when she wakes up. HAHA.

Mom picked us up in the morning and we went to Changi Village for breakfast before she sent him home.

Ladidum. And I've pretty much wasted most of my Saturday away sleeping/trying unsuccessfully to complete my H3.

Oh well.

Jesus loves me this I know.
Have a good opinion of God.
Because He WANTS to bless you.
Whats there to worry?
Will He not look after you?
Are you more capable than Him at solving your problems?



PS.
And I know I hardly do this, but it was on Nigel's blog and it is really awesome.
So I just had to. :O




[edit, 10.05PM]
OKAYYYY.
I just returned from dinner at Samba with Mom.
For the uninformed, its at Katong Village - where Waraku is, opposite Stonegrill and Aston's. ;)

Tonight was one of the rare days I REALLY FELT TOTALLY PWNED BY MY FOOD.
I know most of you are aware that I can actually eat when there's good food around (harhar.. even my palates are elitist). But tonight I really could.not.stomach all the meat.

Though honestly, I highly, highly recommend it. Especially for the MALES. Its $32 or was it $36? +++ for weekends.

And trust me - its really worth it. Works buffet style - there's a whole load of sides (vegs) and staple to choose from, and you sit down at your table and the dudes come around with the meat on those huge kebab-esque sticks and just serve you sides of meat after meat after meat...........

SO MANY DIFFERENT CUTS OF the poor cow came to our plates. And it was so scary to see the marbling on the juciest, most tender one.. gosh..

And of course there's lamb, chicken, fish, prawns and pork too but mostly beef and more beef and more beef.. I think the males would really love it. Us girls, I don't know. Personally I couldnt stomach all that.

For the price you're paying though, you're getting a REALLY GOOD DEAL. Especially if you're a carnivore. It is bagus.

Lizzy however. Was quite, quite pwned.. and sat there rejecting most of eager attempts to slice more meat onto her place while she stared in amazement at Mom who walloped quite a SUBSTANTIAL amount of MEAT.

She said she didn't use to know how - but after she married my Dad she gradually learnt how to eat so much. (LOL)
She also said Jason must be deprived having to eat with someone like me. *LOL*

That boy seems to have started skipping meals. TSK TSK.
I'm a girl. You're a guy. Guys and skipping meals are MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE EVENTS!
But yes its clear that he DOES have a normal, exorbitant MALE appitite - aka he CAN eat. He'll probably like the food there but I don't know how much of it I can really bare. LOL.

And for dessert they had these banana and pineapple slices that were roasted just like the meats and Mom really really loved them. But uh, yes I AM quite a fussy eater aren't I? :S

I don't eat pineapples - and the girls were discussing the other day that one banana is equivalent to a BOWL OF RICE.
And you know what happens to these carb rich foods when they get roasted right? They get caramelized. *Shuddddders*

Okay.
Yes. *cough*

And they give you these little cheese bread dollops that is just pretending to be bread. It is CHEESE.CHEESE.CHEESE.RICH.GLORIOUS.CHEESE thinly disguised by a layer of FLOUR. I do not know how something that small managed to be so rich. :O

Okay shall stop rambling now.
Moral of the story: If you love meat - go there. Yeah.

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007
6:25 PM

Hello blog, I'm quite, quite utterly exhausted. Its 2.5 weeks to the Prelims.. about slightly more than a month to the A levels.

Today was particularly horrid. I couldn't do my Role of Government essay even though I know I did study the content for it.. I haven't quite seemed to have grasped the concept of writing Econs essays.. I really do seem to disregard it as a H2 as compared to History and Lit. Hmm. Then we had the Lit test on Poe and again I couldn't quite write. Lawl.. barely scraped 2 sides of a paper for each question..

It was one of those days I felt as though I wasn't going to make it for the A's... now don't laugh.

Truly tiring. Econs test, to double Bala, which requires your brain to function at optimality, and then Lit test. Some Civics talk that I exhaustedly slept through, lunch at Thai Ex, and double Bala once more..

I'm feeling almost incoherent now so if my grammar starts to escape me.. you know why. Maybe I should go for another run. It feels good, to run, these days. I know most of you who've known me for a zillion years would probably be shocked/appalled by the prospect of me running. But yes I've been doing it occasionally these days.

So..tired.
There's so much.
SO much content.
SO much evaluation.
SO much cause/effect.
SO much everything.

And I haven't even started. Nor have I edited my H3.
I don't want to burn out.
And I know I'm stressed, yet I know I shouldn't and needn't be.

Last night was particularly frustrating. Mom came home sick and was puking. I had to bring her water, meds and porridge at different intervals. I was annoyed cause I wanted to study, yet at the same time I wasn't studying and was fooling around online. Yet as I brought the stuff up to Mom I sorta felt as though I was 'wasting my time'.

Then I started to think to myself - how much more ridiculous could I get? Had I reached a point where my studies had become more important to me than my mother? What kind of a sick prospect is that? Is this why our society is becoming what it is today? Where we can't even sacrifice our time for the very person who has loved us and matured us since infancy?

This isn't just time you're sacrificing, you say. Its your future. Well without my Mom I wouldn't even have this future now would I?

The revelation was such a disgustingly appalling slap in the face. If I could use these excuses now, what would I use when I'm older, and working, and married? Will I always be too busy for my Mom? Not even just my Mom. Would I always be too busy to do anything for anyone that doesn't benefit me in any way?

It makes me feel sick to see how selfish I have become, what my circumstances have led me to believe. Time time time. Yes, I know I don't have enough of it. I know the exams are dawning on me faster than the sunrise, and I know this is my future I'm talking about.

If I don't get straight As for the Prelims, what scholarship provider will have me?
If I don't do well for the As, how am I going to do that Double Degree at NUS? How can I even consider applying for Cambridge? UCL? Leeds? How could I possibly flatter myself into the disillusionment that I'm actually clever?

SO. WHAT.?

Is this all I want my life to be? So I can show the world I can analyse Shakespeare and Edgar A. Poe at the touch of my fingertips, or explain perfectly the mechanisms of the Global Economy, or recite back to front the events that transpired during the Cold War.. and not have the time to look after my sick mother?

Many 'small' things we think we sacrifice now for the bigger picture later. We're so set on what we want in the FUTURE. How about now?

Its all about 'I, I, I'. Me me me. My education. MY life. MY future. MY success. MY career.
I'm so sick of this self-centered existence. I'm so sickened by the way I have allowed the conformities of this system to enable me to even consider such options.

I am repulsed by the fact that I view my education as the primary importance in my life right now. I'm not saying it isn't important. I'm just saying this isn't what education was meant for. Everything has been perverted. In our quest for perfection, in our quest to attain, to improve, to scale greater heights... much has been lost.

Sometimes its almost not surprising to wonder why Singapore is having so much trouble retaining all the Big Brains it nurtures from Primary 1.
We have placed so much importance on SELF that we have all turned into mercenaries.
I'm now saying all of us will flee. But the ones I've met who are determined to stay within the geographical boundaries of this island in the long-run are pathetically little.

"It depends,"
"Singapore is too small."
"I can get better opportunities elsewhere."
"Whats there for me here? Its so stifling."

I'm only 18. I'm in no position to judge.
But I'm tired.
And no I haven't burned out. And its not a 'yet'.
I'm not going to.

God is on my side.
And you know what, no matter how fearful I am.
Or how self-absorbed I become.
The fact remains is that this existence isn't about me.
The end of my year isn't about attaining straight As for my A levels.
If thats the only thing I want, and I must say, it likely is the only thing on my mind now.
Then I'll say I'm being extremely ridiculously shallow.
Its not even about going to a good uni so I get more paper qualifications so I can get a good job, good money and die rich.

God has a plan and purpose for my life way beyond this system.
I'm not here to run the rat race and be the number one rat.
Regardless of these circumstances,
I know, that I know, that I know, that my success isn't limited to how well I do in Singapore's academic race.
By worrying about it, I am limiting GOD's ability to bless me based on how WELL I do for my studies. Which is rubbish. IS MY GOD SO SMALL? THEN JESUS COME ALL THE WAY TO DIE ON THE CROSS, FOR WHAT? He gave up SO MUCH, he came to be my RIGHTEOUSNESS. So he can INTERCEED FOR ME at the FATHER'S right hand, so that I can say 'AS CHRIST IS, SO AM I IN THIS WORLD', just for me to take SO LITTLE?

He wants to give me so much. Why am I LIMITING HIM to what I understand?

There is so much I don't understand.
Why do I persist in seeing the world from my limited perspective.
God's faithfulness is timeless.

“So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”


There is so much more to this life.
This is just another step on the ladder.
This life is going to be so much more fulfilling. So much more of JESUS.
He's just going to strengthen me through this.
And I want to have no fear.
Because He is my victory.

1 comments.

Blogger Loy Shing Wei Philip said

Preach it Ma'am! Was slippin' into the rat race already - this post made a good real-reality check!

11:47 PM  

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Saturday, August 11, 2007
10:20 AM

Hmmm. Been trying to get Soefie's inhumanly maniacal National Day display of patriotism video onto YouTube but its not working.

Anyway for those who want to view what the House Captains horridly, brutally and shamefully massacred, its Hossan Leong's 'History of Singapore' video.


Oh yes Jason and I went to Aston's yesterday - finally. After all that hype I've heard about the place and the extensively long queues that eternally grace its store front. Well. It was decent $10.50 steak I suppose. But I have rather spoilt palates, so I'll probably go back and try the more expensive stuff and maybe the other meats before coming to a conclusion.


And now I'm going to do my H3. Ladidum.
Had my consultation with Mr R yesterday in Starbucks. 2.5 hours of talking. Hoho. I don't know who was more drained after that - probably him since he has to think more because he isn't as familiar with what I'm trying to say as I am.


Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not
The Veronicas - Everything I'm Not

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Friday, August 10, 2007
11:48 PM

you shall above all things be glad and young
e e cummings

you shall above all things be glad and young
For if you're young,whatever life you wear


it will become you;and if you are glad
whatever's living will yourself become.
Girlboys may nothing more than boygirls need:
i can entirely her only love


whose any mystery makes every man's
flesh put space on;and his mind take off time


that you should ever think,may god forbid
and (in his mercy) your true lover spare:
for that way knowledge lies,the foetal grave
called progress,and negation's dead undoom.


I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance



An Irish Airman Foresees his Death
W B Yeats

I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love;
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.


Hrmhrm.
Well.
H3's edit-able. Had my consultation.

(pause)
Lala. And Jason's on the phone now so I can't blog in peace. *twiddles thumbs*

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007
11:28 PM

LALALA.
Anyway, the former Deep Thought has returned... well. Not really.
The shell that was Deep Thought has returned. Deep Thought is thoroughly demised.

They couldn't fix him - so they scrapped him. :(
They gave me a spanking new hard drive though.
So its a different computer altogether, really.
A seemingly far more cooperative one I must add.
I have christened it..
Erastus. (Because it sounds cool when you say it. Ee-rass-tus.)
Derived from Greek εραστος (erastos) meaning "beloved".
(:


So. Even before I had the opportunity to celebrate not having to do my H3, my draft returns. Butchered, quartered, drawn and hung. Mortally wounded and bloody.
Ha ha ha.
Well.
But it is a month to the Prelims. (10 Sept)
And it was really exasperating, I know a lot needs to be changed and done..
And I've spent 6 weeks doing nothing BUT my H3.
I haven't touched ANY of my readings for the term - not Bala's or Hasim's or anything.
So obviously I was really blah that I still had to look at the damned paper.
And worried, and stressed.

But then I just started praying in tongues, because I felt really hopeless.
And you know what - My God is still bigger than this challenge. Than my H3. Than my limited time... Everything.
I have grace enough for EACH DAY to bring me more than sufficiently through. (:

Lovelove.
Tired.
Goodnight.

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Saturday, August 04, 2007
8:47 PM

A bit of e. e. cummings is sometimes nice.



i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)



it may not always be so; and i say

it may not always be so;and i say
that if your lips,which i have loved,should touch
another's,and your dear strong fingers clutch
his heart,as mine in time not far away;
if on another's face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know,or such
great writhing words as,uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;

if this should be,i say if this should be-
you of my heart,send me a little word;
that i may go unto him,and take his hands,
saying,Accept all happiness from me.
Then shall i turn my face,and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.

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Friday, August 03, 2007
8:55 PM

Taking a break from my H3. Well. Much drama has decided to happen since my laptop crashed.

I did mention in my previous post that Kenneth loaned me his brother's lappy on Monday after mine gave up the ghost on Sunday night. On Wednesday, I could not get his computer to switch on - and it literally drove me to panic. My frantic machinations on that little button proved futile, and when Rishik came strolling by I literally burst into hysterical tears.

It was really, such tragicomedy. Mine crashed, along with half my H3, I spent the next two days redoing it (and I got smarter this time and regularly emailed the document to myself) and ANOTHER computer crashes again. In less than 96 hours I had managed the amazing feat of destroying not one, but two computers.

Mr R was the first to discover me in my almost hopeless desperateness and the first answer he demanded was whether I had a backup. The humourless news that I had to reveal to him on Monday about the demise of Deep Thought was appalling enough, and the prospect of deja vu was most unappealing.

Mr R: Have you backed up!!?
Me: Yes...
Mr R: My goodness, why are you still using your computer if its crashing all the time?
Me: It's not mine... It's Kenneth's...
Mr R: Oh.. (in his all knowing voice) No wonder it cannot work la! It's like the owner - sometimes the mind ah, completely shut off.

Trust him to still be able to pull off a joke (and laugh at it) when I was almost in a frenzy. My guilt ridden, heart sinking calls to Kenneth were greeted by a flippant casualness that completely threw me off.

First call:
Me: Kenneth... I've got something to tell you and you're not going to like it.
Ken: Yeah?
Me: I can't switch on your laptop. Its like - dead. It can't be switched on, at all (blabber blabber)
Ken: Oh, well, if you're trying to ask me how to fix it, I don't know how.
Me: *almost falls off bench*

Wasn't quite what I was expecting.

Second call:
Me: It's really dead!!! I plugged it in and everything and it can't be switched on. I took out the battery and put it back and it switched on for three seconds and died and ...
Ken: Your H3 leh? Did you save it?
Me: *almost burst into tears*/*possibly burst into tears*

The fact that his first enquiry was for my paper rather than his laptop was the last straw, and Rishik had the misfortune of turning up a few seconds later with Rannald and the hot-RJ-guy-ZH-was-lusting-after in tow. Rannald and hot-RJ-guy floated off to the library while I terrified Rishik with incomprehensible female behaviour. Mr R, unfortunately, turned up again very soon, and his face was both helplessness and amusement rolled into one.

Me: THIS IS TRAGICOMEDY. *WAILS/LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY*
Mr R: *attempting not to giggle* Uh, well, only a bit lah.

So after that I floated off to the library and wailed even more in front of the rest of 33 and a disturbingly calm Kenneth. Sabrina's Disney Princesses Aurora tissue packet in all its pink glory with said princess beaming up at me was mockery in itself.

To cut a long story short.
Later that night, Ken messaged me, after having taken the doomed device home with every intention to tell his parents that he had spoilt it and send it for repair (insert further guilt here), that the laptop, in all its laggy, clunky, anachronic glory - was working. It. was. working. After putting my poor, already frayed, undeniably high strung nerves into mortal danger - IT WAS WORKING. *hyperventilates*

Well. Mr Ben Kee's laptop is now sitting quite, quite innocently on my dining table, oblivious (perhaps? Maybe not... hmmm) to the trauma it has put me through. Though really, I'll still to the Thing (my good 'ol desktop) when I'm home. Miraculously, even this computer manages to be faster than the laptop, which requires all of a minute to launch Internet Explorer - although I AM ETERNALLY, ETERNALLY grateful for the benevolence of my dear friend Kenneth, who has recently, in the absence of us 3 Lit H3ers, sought refuge in his OAC friends - who of course have no reason to deny him their company.


And do excuse the wibberty gibberty language today - My H3 has quite consumed my current existence.


Now, in other news:
To the group of loud, boisterous, rude, crass and irritating Indian (not being racist, merely factual) boys who were sitting where I was after school today, thank you for being the most inconsiderate bunch of buffoons, for singing and dancing rather badly to your technofied Indian songs, making impolite jokes about Mr. T, blasting your ridiculous 12-inch tablets at full volume and for being a general public annoyance. My glares were clearly noticed and unappreciated. 'Hey look at that girl staring at us' was neither soft nor subtle, nor did it induce any form of conscience alteration - not that I expected it to, of course.

In other, other news:
H3's more than halfway through. Monday Monday Monday.
Then my 6 weeks of having not studied (le gasp) will end and I can resume Muggerhood.

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