Sunday, April 29, 2007
10:56 AM

Hello, 'tis time for another one of Lizzy's band rampages. :D
Enjoy.

Firstly, the Daily Devotionals have been wonderful. I don't know why I didn't subscribe to it earlier but reading all those wonderful nourishing words of HIS truth for me every day when I check my mail is SO uplifting. Especially when I'm surrounded with a lot of negativity in recent days.

2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound towards you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.

It is possible for someone who is sick to have superabounding grace on him and yet that superabundance of grace does not heal his body. That is because he keeps on acknowledging what the devil is doing. He keeps being more concerned about that which is visible and temporal.
Instead of calling forth, and acknowledging and confessing the superabundance of grace, he confesses what the devil is doing to him all the time. So even though the superabounding grace is there, it is there in vain. Isn’t that sad?

Jesus called forth life. And life came into visibility. We must call it forth. Say, “Father, I thank you right now, though my health is under attack, I know that there is superabounding grace for healing and health. I receive it now. I call it forth now in Jesus’ name, Amen!”

My friend, don’t be conscious of what you see missing or lacking. Be conscious of God’s superabounding grace for you and avail yourself to it!


This applies the VERY SAME way to band.
And I call forth GOOD into the life of TJCSB. (:
I receive it, for us, because I have a God who is bigger than all the visible elements that taunt us.


SO.
Went to HCI for band exchange yesterday.
zomg their school is HUMONGOUS. :O :O :O
Insanely, disugustingly, unbelieveable huge. It makes TJ feel like a 2 room HDB flat.

Quote random band member: "Wah, The whole of TJ can fit into their field."

ANYWAYS. They were very hospitable hosts, and they have a fine auditorium.


SAJCCB concert at night. The skit thing was creative, I'll say. Very nice integration with the music although for the life of me I now probably have no idea what the songs were. The program booklet too, except that they could've done with a reminder not to design in 72dpi because all you'll get is pixel pixel pixel when you print.

Hm. Yes. And it was good, overall. They deserved much applause for putting up a concert of this standard two weeks before SYF. Impressive.


And now, because I've been meaning to do this in the midst of all the stress of recent days..
Here's a bit of thanks to all the precious people who have been a part of my life in this season.

33/06, for (still) being my safe haven in TJC.
Soef, for being there even though I've been snappier than usual lately. (I am not inherently grumpy, HARUMMP.) And offering me that comforting hug whenever I need it.
Shik&Mifa, whom I have not been spending as much time with as I usually do, lately. You two are precious to me, even though when it comes to studying methods we have NEVER agreed, I'm really thankful that I have you.
Nef(nef), for having borne the greatest brunt of my noisy destructive rants in the past few weeks.
Ran, who is equally stressed, equally (or even more) busy, and has been looking like the living dead since term 2 commenced. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
Dinah, for buying me squishy things. LOL! For always helping me take my GP&Lit stuff. And for lusting after...
And to the rest of us also currently shouldering the brunt of term 2 competitions. Sam, Zhenghui, Sakina. Let's go pwn the rest, aye. :D

The band committee,
We are going through this together. And our vision has become the band's vision. Because I want to believe it has.
Dil, who has been (even more) stressed, who has suffered greater moodswings than I have, who has been torn between taking the soft approach and allowing the hard.
The rest of the girls (no offence to the boys, I just don't talk to you guys as much. Lol.), we've been pulling through these moments together.
TYZ, who has been putting in a lot into his job.
Nigel, who also, has been putting all of himself into achieving the best TJCSB can offer. And who has on too many instances nearly/drove me to tears. HMPH. I know he isn't the most diplomatic person, he doesn't have the best vocabulary and his choice of words are not the most politically correct, but he wants the best for this band, and I agree with him that this isn't the time to be selfish, because this team needs each and every individual to share the same dream he has.

My saxtion,
Sarah, for always being there since the previous batch left us. We built up a kind of rapport that I find no name for, except a familarity of each other than enables us to complement each other well enough. For peering at me cautiously each time I go crazy-high during band.
Fred, my fellow alto 2, whom I have shared many stupid, silly, seemingly hopeless, hair-tearing, laughter-inducing moments with.
Elliot, for always getting on my nerves........... Lol.
Amanda, for being part of the SYF journey and adding colour to our section.
Si Ying, for practicing hard for the part that you now don't have to play. You put in a lot of effort into that.

TJCSB,
Because we will do it. The seniors, for lending their support to us in so many ways other than just words. Rachel, for coming down and spending your time with us, to perfect Hymn with us, to work with the woodwinds, everything. Cui, for being cute (lol) and so much more. :D Mingjie, whom NS has not altered much and is still (un)fortunately very much himself. And all the other seniors who have come back, and studied the score, and given comments, and made markings, and gave advice, and so many other, other things to help us improve.

And mostly, Ms Chew, because she's there for us at every junction of our band life, she goes beyond her role as a teacher for this band. She loves this band, probably more than some of us do, and she's giving, and given, more to this band than we can tangibly see. The hours she spends with us, the Saturdays she's given up, teachers have a life too, you know. And I'm especially thankful for all the opportunities she's given me to design, from the band stuff to the 30th Anniversary tickets, banners and posters.

Music to me is a foreign world, I put the most I can into the sax, but I'm really glad for all the design work that I've been allowed to do with this band. Although they have been taxing, and have taken up many, many hours. But I enjoy doing it. I know you guys have heard me complain about my lack of sleep, lack of tutorial time, etc, but at the end of the day. I do enjoy what I do, and I thank her for allowing me the freedom to design what I want. (And for allowing me to print a coloured booklet for Prelude this year. He he he.)

To my family,
Even though Sis is hardly around, and she's become more of a nag when she is, she still loves me and pampers me and I know it.
Most importantly, to my MOM, for calling on those late nights, asking me if I want dinner when I leave school at 10.00PM, understanding the rigours of my schedule, just being Mommy. Just being There. Physically.

WY, Rene, Von and Zhaoey. Not always there, but still there. Love you guys because you make me laugh so much. :D Hardly willingly been to any of my concerts. This will be my last, please come?

Jason. Hmm. Whom I only get to see on weekends now, who isn't there and doesn't see the daily extremities that I go through. But tries to make up for it when we finally do meet... Its kind of hard for me, and frustrating, because he can't be there 5 days a week and he doesn't see or understand... well, things. And I'm just thankful, that I know I have God, because I can't keep looking to this boy, as much as I love him. We're both eighteen and man is limited. But my God isn't, He's completely limitless and He is my comfort, and my shelter, in the storm. And its been storming quite a bit. Both literally and figuratively. But thanks dear, I know its hard for you too when I'm feeling miserable half the time and you don't know what to do anyway. But you're still there for me. I know. Thanks. =)

And I haven't been speaking very much to the rest of my social circle at all, so excuse me.. I'll get back to you shortly. Lol.

Well. Its past noon now, time to get out and study, then go for service, and dinner with Mommy.
Farewell.
12 days to SYF.
Practice resumes tomorrow.
Our favourite gungho band phrase for now. Lets go!

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Thursday, April 26, 2007
8:29 PM

Hello blog,

Another tiring week. I suppose the consciousness of J2 life has started creeping into my life. Not that it hasn't before, but not everyone has to endure SYF, her leadership responsiblities (as small as they are), design projects and her education simultaneously.

To rub salt most mercilessly into the existing wounds, every teacher (save for Mr. Tong, in a somewhat ironic twist of events) has been hounding 33/06 for our inherent behaviour problems. Our attitude towards our studies are presumed to be unacceptable. Every day this week we have been accused of being 'restless', 'unfocused', 'unmotivated', 'lazy', 'disinterested', 'irresponsible', and almost every word that you could possibly unleash onto a potentially fatal 'A' level class.

It has been more numbing than anything else, considering the number of hours I spend in the band room, everything else has half faded into semi-reality for me.

For one, I grudgingly (finally) admit that I am not superwoman. I have a super God who is limitless, but I have flesh that is tired. The teachers tell us that we must work. We are too slack. We are lazy. We are this, and we are that.

Are we now? I do not believe we are.
33/06 doesn't function the way the system would like us to.


Mused a lot to myself, lately.
About how empirical science and math is. True, false. What do they know about the unpredictability and subjectivity of creative thinking?

Thought two.
Educational coherence does not equate to common sense.

This is my Gilead.

SYF. Objectivity. String got Silver. It would have been fine if the Less Deserving Ones didn't get Gold. Dance - Gold. When more than half of the rest got Honours.
Ponder, ponder, ponder. Subjectivity. Creativity.

Education.

"You look tired."
"You look stressed."

"You aren't trying hard enough."

Well I'm sorry, there's only one of me. How far would you like me to stretch?
Amazing what our education does to us. Every time they revise the syllabus - how much further can we stretch them? How much more can we shove into their malleable, impressionable brains before they hit puberty?

What kind of people are we creating? Be careful, stretch them out too thin and you'll find that its all you'll have left to lead this country.

Thin. We're worn thin.
Translucent.

How much more can we stretch? Just a little more. And a little. And a little..

Today was particularly bad.
I did Mr Rajesh's Lit comparison. Our first time at a comparison question. Blanked out. Couldn't think. Couldn't link. Couldn't contextualize. Wrote the shortest essay ever. 1.5 pages. Its not even worthy to be deemed an essay. In my mind, all my previous grades floating in my mind. 12. 11. 12. 12. 11. What are you doing Liz? Why are you doing Lit? You can't write. Maybe you used to, but you can't bring yourself to that higher level. Why do you still try? What are you doing in JC? You shouldn't be here. You don't deserve to do well anyway. You've been spending so much time in band, what makes you think your academics can keep up? Who do you think you are?

Well let me tell you who I know I am.
I am the righteous, beloved, favoured, intelligent, saturatedly blessed daughter of the MOST HIGH GOD.

As Christ is, SO AM I IN THIS WORLD.
As He has wisdom. SO DO I HAVE HIS WISDOM.
And His health. And His charisma. And His strength.

HIS STRENGTH IS MADE PERFECT IN MY WEAKNESS.

So I don't care if I'm not good enough. Because you know what. HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME. SO WHAT. I cannot help but succeed in life because my Jesus is a success. He died a failure, He died alone, He died on that cross so that I MAY HAVE LIFE TODAY AND HAVE IT MORE ABUNDANTLY. And you know what abundant means? It means MORE than enough. I am here to be a blessing onto others. I don't care what the grades tell me. I don't care what the teachers say I am. Because I am God's righteous, precious, protected, favourite daughter.

He is God, you are not. You have one favourite. God has more than enough time and attention to make all of us His favourites. This is pareto optimality. No one will be made worse off just because God gives you more. Don't limit God, don't confine Him to your human understanding of love and power, please.

Today's Devotional is really good. In fact, all the devotionals have uncanny IMMEDIATE relevance to all the very, very, current trials I face.


The Battle Is The Lord's

2 Chronicles 20:15
‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.’

When faced with a problem or a challenge, we ask ourselves, “What am I going to do?” And well-meaning family members and friends will come along and ask, “What are you going to do?”

Jehoshaphat faced a multitude of enemies. But instead of focusing on what he could do, he prayed, “O our God, will You not judge them? For we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.” (2 Chronicles 20:12)

When we turn our eyes on God, we will hear Him say, “Do not be afraid nor be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s... You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord…” (2 Chronicles 20:15,17)

But standing still is the last thing we want to do when the enemy is coming against us. It is also the most difficult thing to do because we feel that we cannot just stand around and do nothing — we must try to save the situation. But God wants us to stand still and see Jesus our salvation, fight for us.

So what do you do the next time you are faced with a battle and you don’t know what to do? Jehoshaphat sent his singers to the front of the battle line to proclaim, “Praise the Lord, for His mercy endures forever.” (2 Chronicles 20:21) Some people will wonder, “Does that mean that I just sing and don’t do anything else when I have a problem?” No, that is not what I am saying.

Do what the situation requires, but don’t worry and don’t trust in what you do. Like Jehoshaphat, rest and trust in His mercy that endures forever. When you do that, God will turn your battlefield into the Valley of Berachah. Berachah means “blessings” and they gave the battlefield that name because it took three days for them to gather all the spoils of war! God turned their situation into a great blessing!

Do you have a battle to fight? Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord!


ALRIGHT. (:

And oh, in other, less important news, I LOVE REESES PEANUT BUTTER CUPS. X)

Sis bought a pack of it from Philippines during her last dive trip (leftover colonial imperialist influence) and its food orgasmic. HIGH on Lizzy's list of HAPPYHAPPY food. Whee.

*coughs*
Right. Moving along....

It's been long since I had a picture update.
ITS A REALLY BIG FILE, sorry. Muaha.



AND TJC SAX. :D :D :D

Shineeey, yo.


Would've posted more about the little rendezvous I had with WY&Rene, but Rene has all the photos and they're already on her blog.

So.. 9.33PM.
Time to get back to the design work. :D

Cheerios.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
7:03 AM

My Never Again List

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess, "I can't," for "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Philippians 4: 13.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess fear, for "God hath not given me the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind."
II Timothy 1: 7

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess doubt and lack of faith, for "God hath given to every man a measure of faith."
Romans 12: 3.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess weakness, for "The Lord is the strength of my life." Psalms 27: 1 and "The people that know their God shall be strong and do exploits."
Daniel 11: 32.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess supremacy of Satan over my life, for "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world." I John 4: 4.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess defeat, for "God always causes me to triumph in Christ Jesus." II Corinthians 2: 14.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess sickness, for "....By His stripes I am healed." Isaiah 53: 5. and Jesus Himself took my infirmities and bare my sicknesses." Matthew 8:17.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess lack of wisdom, for "Christ Jesus is made unto me wisdom from God. "
I Corinthians 1: 30.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess worries and frustrations, for I am "Casting all my cares upon Him who cares for me.
I Peter 5: 7.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess bondage, for "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." II Corinthians 3: 17.

NEVER AGAIN: will I confess condemnation, for "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus."
Romans 8: 1.


Funny how these two sheets of paper have been hanging on my wardrobe door for so many years, yet I've scarcely looked at them and claimed and made these verses my own.
But never again.
Because my God is all of the above. (:

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Sunday, April 22, 2007
10:06 AM

Hello world.

Been exhausted a lot.
Band is slowly taking over what I commonly refer to as Life, in general.
Band on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, for the durations that they are, just serve to make me feel dryer than bone, more mentally worn than weathered rocks and even if I don't really feel physically drained all the time, everyone has been telling me I look "tired and stressed".

The agonizing mental tumult is driving me close to tears on many occasions, although the only time I really cried was last Saturday after coming back from alumni.

Hence the reason why I do not blog - other than the obvious, that is, time hasn't actually allowed me very many opportunities to sit here and try and be coherent - is that I don't want to be emo or despondent and depressed here. Because the more tired I get, the more irrational I become.

Hence things have just been bottling up. And all my cries to God are desperate ones. Yet I know He will come true for me. Even though on the outside I'm panicky and fearful like hell.

"God. Why, God? Why? Is it possible, Lord?"

"What do you really believe?" He asked me.

And I told Him.

"What are you looking at?"

"The band." I replied.

"Why not just look at me, and believe that it is me, and not what you see, that will bring you the victory."


I started subscribing to the daily devotions lately. I guess I didn't do it earlier because of pure laziness and also the added 'burden' of having to read something else in my mailbox everyday.

But its really a blessing. And if there is one thing I really want to see when I'm dead tired and checking my mail first thing when I'm home, its these devotionals.

I highly recommend you subscribing to it.
http://www.newcreation.org.sg/resources/dailydevotion/dailydevo.asp

Today's seems to be a confirmation of what God told me as I was going home after another 9am to 9pm band Saturday.

A Sleeping Partner Who Benefits

Genesis 15:12
Now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram…

Some business partners don’t work at all but still take home huge profits. They are like the wife of the heavyweight boxing champion. He fights and bleeds to win the $1 million prize money. But when he goes home, he gives it to his wife and she says, “Thank you very much, darling.”

Do you know that in your covenant with God, you are like the boxer’s wife or sleeping business partner?

When Abraham asked God how he will know for sure that he will inherit the land that God had promised him, God made a covenant with him. (Genesis 15:8–21) But instead of cutting the covenant with Abraham by walking through the animal pieces with him, God put Abraham into a deep sleep and cut the covenant with Jesus instead.

Jesus appeared as the pillar of fire and cut the covenant with God the Father who appeared as the pillar of cloud. In other words, Jesus took Abraham’s place. He was perfect Man representing Abraham when He crossed the animal pieces with His Father.

By substituting Abraham with Jesus, God was being very gracious because if Abraham had done it, he would have been partly responsible for keeping the covenant. And Abraham, being man will fail, but God the Son can never fail! Abraham’s blessings are therefore guaranteed because it does not depend on his performance but Jesus’ performance. Abraham was literally a sleeping partner, a beneficiary of the covenant.

Today, God has also made a covenant with you, called the new covenant. And like Abraham, you are a sleeping partner because the new covenant was also cut between God the Father and God the Son at Calvary.

This means that though you are in covenant with God, you are simply a beneficiary of the new covenant. You enjoy all its benefits without having to work at keeping it. Jesus, your representative, has already fulfilled all the conditions on your behalf. And because His obedience is perfect and His work is perfectly finished, the covenant blessings for you are guaranteed!

My friend, there is nothing left for you to do, but everything for you to believe. Don’t try to work for your covenant blessings — just rest in the Son’s finished work and receive them by faith!


I don't want to walk around with That Look on my face Lord, I know its been my primary expression of late and I don't want it to be that way.

SYF here in JC is so much more different. TKGSSB was so much bigger. There was so much more weight to spread the responsibility out on. But here its just us. There aren't 14 saxophones anymore. So many fears and doubts, and all my refusal to have them material here, in letters and words, because then it'll make them even more real to me.

I refuse to acknowledge these thoughts.
Yes. I am not good enough.
And thats why I need Jesus.

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Sunday, April 15, 2007
11:35 PM

Whee.
Service was good today.
Its all about HIS love for me.
Not anything else. Not me trying. Not me saying that HE will give me the strength.
Because its not about ME. It's about JESUS.

AND.
As Christ is, SO AM I IN THIS WORLD.
As Christ is a success, so am I a success.
As Christ is victorious over every circumstance, so AM I.
Not self-consciousness. But Christ consciousness.

Don't look to yourself, you'll get depressed. Don't look to the world, you'll get distressed. Look to Jesus, and in Him - you can rest.

New Creation Church online daily devotion for today:

*****
God Is Your Strength

Ephesians 6:10
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

When you say, “I can manage this problem, Lord,” God is likely to say, “Okay, you do it then.” But when you say, “Help me, Lord! I need You. I cannot do this on my own,” God says, “Good, I have been waiting for you to say that. You cannot, but I can. Now, watch me!” That is how God is — He loves it when you depend on Him.

You see, when you think that you are strong, God cannot help you. But when you need Him and look to Him, He will not leave you weak and helpless. He comes and becomes the strength of your life. He becomes the breakthrough that you need.

A church member with a smoking habit came to me one day and said, “Pastor Prince, please pray that God will help me. I want to stop my smoking habit.”

I simply told him, “You cannot, but God can.”

He replied, “Yes, I know that I cannot. But with God helping me, I will discipline myself and try my best to quit the habit.”

I told him, “No, you cannot, but God can.” I repeated this to him a few times until he realised that it was not his self-discipline or willpower that would help him overcome his smoking habit, but the power of God. He finally understood that his true deliverance from this destructive habit would not come by his own strength, but by “[being] strong in the Lord and in the power of His might”.

When I saw him again a few weeks later, he said, “Pastor Prince, since that day, I did not even try to stop myself from smoking. But each time I lit up, I told God, ‘I cannot, but You can.’ Then one day, the craving was gone! Jesus has completely delivered me from my bondage to nicotine!” This man experienced true deliverance, not just an outward form of discipline and willpower.

So when you say, “I can do something about it,” you are still relying on your human strength. But when you say to God, “I cannot, but You can,” you have just tapped into the real source of your strength — Jesus. And as you feed on His strength, you will see His power exploding in your life.

*****

My Jesus is awesome. Its not how much faith or ra-ra-ness I have. Its 100% Him. When God sees me, He sees JESUS. He doesn't see how weary or tired I am, or have been, over the past week with all the intensive band-ness and 14 hours in school yesterday, 10 of which were spent playing. HE SEES JESUS, in all His strength and vigour and abounding energy. Cheerful spirit and attractive personality. Calm and collected coolness with just the right degree of firmness.
THATS WHAT JESUS IS.
And thats my identity.
JESUS is my identity. So say whatever you want. But I'm in Him.
And everything else pales in comparison because I don't wanna look at me. I wanna look at HIM.

Woo.
I am happy today. Happyhappyhappy. (:


LOVES.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007
9:34 PM

*vaguely ponders over whether its time to blog*

It's been more than a week, and the only reason why this little page hasn't been updated.. oh well, one of two reasons why this page hasn't been updated is because

1) Too many words. I can't decide which ought to be said and which shouldn't, hence I decide not to say anything at all.

2) Time hasn't been particularly flexible.

SYF period.
TKGSSB; Gold.
But it was definitely much more well played this year than in our year....
The judging criteria is extremely strict this year. Only one Gold with Honors so far, and far less Golds than in 2005.

Guess they've realized how lenient they were last year, giving Golds and Honors out with such extravagant flourish.

Juniors, you guys played well. I don't care what the results tell you. IT WAS GOOD.

We took ages to get over our 'failure' in 2005, cry and be sad all you want, but at the end of the day, move on. In our year your playing would have easily gained you that Honors. But just look at how dismal the distinction rates are this year. BE PROUD OF THAT GOLD. Not many others have the chance to enjoy even that.

Be disappointed, bawl as much as you need. But once you've exhausted your tears, don't dwell on it. It's over. Harping on it will not change the results.

We had to get over ours, it took its time. But hold on to your memories of TKGSSB. Because once you leave you'll realize, you will never get a band like TKGSSB ever, ever again.



TJ band.
A month.
Give or take.
I am almost afraid to hope.

But Agnes just sent this in the mail.

10 Benefits of God's Favor
Posted by Joe on Apr 7, '07 7:04 AM for Joe's network

Read these 10 benefits of the favor of God recently...of course there are many many more!

1. Supernatural increase & promotion (Genesis 39:21)
2. Restoration of all the enemy has stolen (Exodus 3:21)
3. Honor in the midst of adversaries (Exodus 11:3)
4. Increased assets, especially real estate (Deuteronomy 33:23)
5. Greater victories in the midst of greater odds or impossibilities (Joshua 11:20)
6. Recognition even when I seem to be the least likely to receive it (1 Samuel 16:22)
7. Prominence & preferential treatment (Esther 2:17)
8. Petitions granted even by ungodly civil authorities (Esther 5:8)
9. Policies, rules, regulations, laws changed to my advantage (Esther 8:5)
10. Battles won I won't have to fight because God fights for me (Psalm 44:3)

I can't see how any of the above 10 cannot help but be a blessing for us.

Dry spell. Dry seasons. But these nuggets of truth are like refreshing waters in the midst of the dust.

For the past month I can't shake off the fear.
I can't help but feel the conpulsion to study.
I can't stem the guilt that rises whenever I don't study.
I also can't stem the guilt when I feel guilt over not studying when out with friends.
I'm also horrified at the very words that come out of my mouth.
Complaints, negative remarks, pessimistic thoughts, a hesistance to proclaim good over our lives. Halting when people say "TJCSB will definitely get honours."

Am I limiting my God? There's is nothing He cannot give me. There is no such thing as a 'proper' way to pray. There is no such thing as whether I 'deserve' it or not.
I have his unmerited grace. His undeserved favour. WHAT AM I? WHO AM I? to boast in my flesh. What is there to trust in in this pathetic, vulnerable body that gives in and breaks down so easily in the face of pressure and adversity?

There is nothing in this world for me, for us, for any of us, in and of ourselves.
It's only pride that keeps us stubbornly grounded in our own abilities.

But when you've lost everything, the only thing left standing to embrace you is Jesus.
You know what it means to die to your flesh?
It's not the religious idea of having to control or get rid of your lustful, evil, jealous, etc human traits.
When you die to your flesh, what do you have left but Him?
Thats what it means to live IN Christ.
Because your flesh fails to remain important.
Thats all I want to be important to me.

And lately stress has been plaguing me. I know it.
Pride and fear in having to keep up the grades, in not being able to achieve my full potential, in having to rush, in seeing the extent of how much I want to study as overwhelming... (losing coherence here...) has just been weighing on my mind.

THERE IS NO NEED FOR GUILT. I NEED NOT FEEL GUILT.
Because you know what? Jesus bore my guilt.

He didn't just die for my sins.
He died so that the PUNISHMENTS for my sins would never, ever, ever fall on my shoulders.
Because thats what he took in my place.

I will not insult Him by trying to 'earn' what he already given to me so lovingly and willingly as a gift.

Jesus. My Savior King.
You are the loveliest.


Time to go home from Starbucks.
Time to have a little walk, and a little talk with Daddy. (:
Goodnight all.

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Sunday, April 01, 2007
11:53 PM

Quick post.

Caught Phantom, the visuals were amaaazing. The set is pretty awesome. So are the costumes. The vocals weren't as great as I imagined them to be. The Phantom was good. The Christine was weak at some parts. Raul is probably there just to look pretty. And everyone was just pretty much overpowered by the trilling soprano.

Overall conclusion; enjoyable. It was good. Don't be put off by my trifling comments. Phantom is still a must watch. (:


In other news, wore my new dress today, and the boyfriend thought it looked decidedly common. *sniffs indignantly* Its okay. Jesus made me gorgeous and I made the dress gorgeous anyway.

And Adeline sang a really really nice song today.

Calvin Hunt - Mercy Saw Me
The years had left scars.
The scars had left pain.
How could he recognize me?
I wasn't the same.

I knew I should pay and I knew the price.
For justice and law demanded my life.
Yet, his tender heart heard my desperate cry.
And he saw my past through merciful eyes.

Beautiful!
That's how mercy saw me;
Though I was broken and so lost,
mercy looked past all my faults.

Justice of God saw what I had done,
but mercy saw me through the Son;
Not what I was, but what I could be,
that's how mercy saw me.

Wherever you go, you can't go too far
that his eyes of mercy can't see where you are.
He loves you too much to leave you alone.
You're flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone.

Yet his heart cries out for your heart today.
See yourself through his eyes and then you will say,
you'll say:

Sin has stolen my dignity and all my self-esteem.
But I was made brand new again when mercy looked at me.

Beautiful!
That's how mercy saw me;
Though I was broken and so lost,
mercy looked past all my faults.

Justice of God saw what I had done,
but mercy saw me through the Son;
Not what I was, but what I could be,
that's how mercy saw me.

Not what I was, but what I could be.
That's how Jesus saw me.



BEAUTIFUL SONG. You can find a version by Chonda Pierce on Youtube but the way Adeline sang it today was really lovely.

In other news we broke (band) camp today. The camp in itself was pretty much an exhausting ordeal. Somehow the attitude and attendance of the band is still disappointing. A lot of the J1s are either not taking things very seriously or are under the impression that we have plenty of time.

I'm extraordinarily sleepy. I get a bed tonight, not tables and my sleeping bag. :D

Another day in the life of a JC2 student awaits.

To do list as of now:

Design: Drama t-shirt, Band (Prelude 27) t-shirt, Band collar pin, 30th Anniversary banner.
Work: Unemployment test tomorrow, Lit Prac Crit by Tues, United Nations summary by Wed.
Misc: H3 lit? :S Read all the lovely books I curently own but have yet to complete? Own more books? :D Sleepppppppppyyy.................

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