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Thursday, March 15, 2007
10:32 AM

Example of the degeneration of music in the 21st century (aka one of the stupidest songs that could have ever been called into existence): Tangled Up in Me - Skye Sweetham

I wonder if there will come a day when people realize that wallowing in self-pity and emo-ness is an automatic repulsion and quarantines you from the rest of society. Jason told me its a pretty old song and I'm just glad I haven't had the fortune of having had the opportunity to listen to it any earlier than now.

I was going to viciously dissect the song but I think I'll best spend my time talking about Jesus. And I see some imbecilic creature takes pride in having a conversation with himself on my tagboard. I've also realized that I've not been replying to tags for a good number of months, out of the sheer accumulation of tags that has halted me from wanting to begin doing so.

But I still love you, my friends. All of whom I have not had much opportunity to chillax with lately. I guess there's a fine segregation of time involved in the pursuit of all my activities.

There's church, which includes Sunday services, Saturday campuses, and the Friday caregroups. Along with writing for Solid Rock and the relevant interviews and transcriptions. There's band, with SYF peeking its looming head around the corner, Prelude 27, and band camp slotted conveniently 2 weeks from now. There's Temasek Times, which somehow I feel has eaten up even more of my life than band, as though that is actually humanly possible. I think the number of issues we published in Term 1 is equivalent to all the issues we did the whole half of last year after we got into the ExCo. Special issue due first week. Its all poetry. Mostly. (Will anyone read it...?) And they want the bloody huge board done before term as well. There's Hasim in the morning tomorrow. Band in the afternoon. Mr Rajesh's Handmaid's Tale test that I missed because of the three-day workshop that ate up way too many hours of my life. I don't even want to talk about H3 lit. Hmmm.

I miss my social life, can?
I suppose sometimes when you've these many activities, and that much time set aside for leisure, you've got to choose between boyfriend and friends. And I figure my studies haven't even been mentioned in the above paragraph on 'activities'. But generally, it ain't going too bad. I guess I should be thankful for the combi I'm taking. And I actually figured out Normal Distribution and did the math holiday homework. So yay. Praise Jesus for that. It was the biggest bane in my academic pursuits.

I love what's been shared in church the past couple of weeks.
The truth is still so simple.

God is faithful. And that is that.
He is faithful to you. Much more than you will ever be faithful to Him.
That means you neve have to rely on your own faithfulness.
There's only one thing you need to believe, and that is even when you cannot find strength in your situation to be able to believe, the very fact remains that He WILL come through for you.

I admit to not actively spending time in the Word, but I do want to thithe my time to God. And if I cannot read the Word, I listen to sermons. On iTunes when I'm online, on my iPod when I go out. You see, its a conscious decision that I had to choose to make. I've loads of songs on my iPod. Many sad, mournful soft rock songs on love lost and whatnot. It is a choice. To listen to what is good for me, or allow myself the temporary pleasure of songs that do not edify me.

Personally, when I study I don't listen to sermons, cause words on paper and words in my ears clash quite distractingly, and I find myself more atuned to what is being said instead of what is on paper. Listening to the Word is good, but as a student, I have to study. And it doesn't mean I have to listen to sermons all the time whenever Wasabi is plugged in.

But its when I travel, when I'm alone, on the MRT, on the bus, walking. Those are the times I have to ask myself, do I want to hum along to songs that could either 1) make my good mood somewhat less pleasant 2) make my current emotions even worse.

Especially when I'm tired, or contemplative, the worse thing I could possibly do for myself is put the songs on. Because listening to Vertical Horizon, 3 Doors Down, Snow Patrol and John Mayer does little to make me feel any better.

Why do people listen to songs? Sometimes they relate to us. As Sam often says "Wah, that song is so me." If you're sad, do you want to listen to something that relates to your sadness and further entrenches you in your emotions? I could easily do that. There are days I just feel like pressing the 'shuffle' button and allowing the music to get to me.

It is not just 'a song'. Music is the food of life. Music is worship. God created music for edification. Why do we worship, why is it that before service we have praise and worship, it is to prepare our hearts, it is to soak in His presence, it is to tell Him, Lord, I'm ready, speak to me. It is when you come to church with all your baggages and burdens, and you cast them at His feet. It s a conscious decision you make, to tell Him in the midst of singing that Lord, I have Trouble A, B and C. But you know what, I'm here now, in your house, and I want to give it all up to you. Because you're better than me at handling them. I want to listen to You. I want to feed on You. I want to take from You. Because it is You, oh Jesus, who wants to give to me.

He wants to give to you. Will you let yourself take it? We don't deserve anything. We don't deserve to be pardoned for our sins. But He as already given it to you. Jesus died on the cross so that we may live. You don't deserve it. But its yours. Take it.

It is those moments that I have to choose. When I'm alone. Regardless of how I feel. Sometimes its hard to want to go down my playlist and click on 'Preach it Pastor!' (what I call my sermons playlist). But you know, it edifies me. My spirit man knows what it is listening to. My spirit man is hungry for Jesus. Whatever is inside will translate to the outside. When I'm dry, hungry, thirsty inside, I will be weary outside. When my spirit gauge is full, then so am I on the outside.

How can you help others, if you yourself are weak?
What kind of a testimony is it to be a Christian who has little, believes that God "gives and takes away" (which by the way, is a statement invented by man. It does not exist in the Bible anywhere.) and try to convince another person that you have a benevolent God?

Its a choice. Sometimes I'm actively listening to what is being said on my iPod. Sometime the revelations strike me, sometimes they don't. But by listening to the sermons, it stops the devil from having the chance to exploit my emotions, to make me feel melancholic when I'm listening to whatever secular music I have on my iPod. And just in case you think I'm some wannabe holy cow, I do have more secular songs than sermons on Wasabi.

Its just what you want to do. Life is choices.
In New Creation what is always preached is to rest, rest in the assurance that HE WILL COME THROUGH FOR YOU. No matter what. He will.
Rest is not inactivity. It is God directed activity.
It means studying and knowing that Jesus is looking after your academics.
You just do what you need in the natural, and God will take care of the supernatural.

Its like preparing yourself for a job interview, its not that you go in dressed sloppily, your hair undone, makeup absent and you trust that 'Grace, grace, I will get this job'. No! It is carrying yourself well. You do what is necessary in the natural. Look smart, and go in there with Christ confidence, knowing that His favour is shining on your face and that regardless of what you say, and how you say it, Christ is your identity. No stress, no worry. If you get the job, praise God, if not, you know He has a better one in store for you.

Not everything goes the way we want it to. But God knows how best to let the things come to us slowly so that we can handle it. So that we'll be ready for it. Sometimes he wants to bless the socks off our feet. But are we ready for it? Sometime God doesn't give you a million dollars for a reason. ;) He wants you to be ready for that million before he does, or else, who knows what on earth you might do with it.

Choices, in this life.
Thithing time to God, its so important.
It doesnt have to be long.
It might just be flipping to a certain verse in the bible in the mornings as you eat breakfast, just five minutes. I used to do that before my papers during the O's. Reading Romans 8 aloud to myself. It doesn't have to be an hour.
Its just acknowledging him in your daily life. Telling him in this own little way, that God, I know you are there. I know you're looking after me. I know you've already fought my battles and won them for me. It shall be well.

Just know that He is there. Have faith in HIS faith.
Not your own. Man stumbles. In the face of DIRE adversity how easy can it be for us to "look to God", to "trust God"? Those words are not enough. Know what you're saying when you say that. Look to His complete work. He has ALREADY done it for you. Stop fighting. The work is finished. (:
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Tuesday, March 13, 2007
11:41 PM

Day two of Idea Factory's little course on innovation.

I've observed a good many hypocritical situations in the past couple of days.
There is much incongruency between the cultivation of what we deem to be academic education, creative thinking, entrepreneurship, and filial piety.

***
I am the teacher who has had this job for as long as I can remember. Each day I awake to the same sound of the chiming bell, the mandatory commands and the national anthem. I stand in stoic silence as the students pretend to lip-sync the pledge. Today is no different. There is no bell, no anthem, no pledge. Slowly, my steps take me closer to 40 pairs of jaded eyes. The Smile automatically lights up my face. I ooze confidence. I see the unspoken edge of challenge that hovers above each mind. What can this teach me that I don't already know? The Smile remains. Lightly I remind them of the day's activities, and bid them farewell with words of promise. A promise that they are doing good, and knowledge that most of them will return, unchanged. The bus pulls out. The stares no longer confront me. The tension reduces slightly. You learn not to care so much, these days, about the discomfort of their almost omniscent knowing. The Smile drops. I am glad of their departure. They don't really believe what they're doing. I'm not sure I do either.

***
I am the facilitator who had big dreams. I had a job once, I didn't like it much. Or maybe they didn't like me. I am contemplating the room full of sullen students. I gear myself up, at the back of my head, for disaster. I cannot help but forbode it. Their cynicism speaks for itself. I share my first words with them. Maybe my cynicism speaks for me too. Time passes too slowly. I am paid for this. Time ought to pass faster. I teach them to care. I teach them to lead. I teach them to listen. Yet even in their silence I wonder if they hear. The eyes that return my gaze do not reflect enlightenment. I do not see why. I have said so much. I tell them useful things. It is so easy. The slides guide my speech, and they learn. I find little interest in their talk, their mannerisms, their ideas. They are merely students, after all. Students spoonfed in the safety of their systems. I do not see why they do no listen.

***
I am the volunteer who regularly finds myself facing hoards of children, sent by their schools. Some of them, teenagers. But to me, they're still the same. I treat one no differently from how I do the other. I smile through my teeth. I speak to them very simply. Because they are simple creatures. Old folks must be sung to. It is the Way. Old folks must be spoken to. It is also the Way. The faces of these children tell me they do not want to be here. The faces tell me they could not care less for the paper thin figures in the wheelchairs. What does my face tell them? Does it betray my intentions? I cannot let on that I see myself reflected in their eyes. I smile. Let's play a Game. Everyone is to ask five of these wheelchair-bound folk for their name, age and the duration of their day. It is a game. If you lose you will be Punished. That is the Way. I watch some of them scramble. All children are the same. The have been conditioned to competition. I wait for them to complete their task. I make polite conversation with some of the ladies, bound to their chairs. I do not know their names, or even why they are here. If I did once, I no longer do, not anymore. The tour progresses. The children are afraid of the hunched, wrinkled, unblinking figures, crouched in their chairs. I am grimly satisfied. One of the children present me with a wrapped hamper of food. One of fifteen that look haphazardly created. I take it and smile for the camera. Slightly embarassed. By what? The fact that I did not care? Or the realization that once again, their accusing eyes were on me. I glance at my watch. It tells me it is 4.35PM. Damn. I was supposed to knock off at four.

***
I am the student who has found myself stepping into No Man's Land. I cannot bring myself to feel sincere. I admit I am jaded. And sometimes I take pride that I am. It is better than simpering. Better than pretense. Pretense surrounds me. I see it the same way Yossarian does in Heller's Catch-22. A world of paperwork that is of such great importance to the Higher Orders, without noting the implications on those it has immediate effects on. I cannot blame them. Someone else has paperwork-ed them too. My time passes slowly. I do not know how to believe. I do not find the support in those who are imparting to me, instructions. Their words filter through. How do I believe them? Their eyes betray them. Their voice carries the dullness of adulthood, of disbelief. How do I believe them? How am I different from them? You can commercialize anything these days. Everything that has a Law to it becomes a chore. You cannot name everything. You cannot pack filial piety into a box. Or so I thought. But the brilliance of CIP is just that. It isn't just filial piety. Soon (if they haven't already), they'll find boxes for everything. A cube. A cuboid. Six walls. Are they keeping me in? Or are they shutting me out?




Tired. 'Tis 12.22AM.
The past couple of days have been a wearisome blur, the energy sapping intent of my nine to five course encapsulated each night with the typical academic pursuit of paper. The boy has terms. I don't. The urgency to study boils strongly, bubbling, threatening to displace the lid and spill over the sides.

But remember one thing. Jesus has died for you on the cross, out of His great love for you. If you are looking for a love that will never ever fail you, disappoint you, or change his mind about you, then come home. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Every promise to make you the head and not the tail will come to pass.

Just believe.
You are above your circumstances and not beneath them. You are above your studies. And this has nothing to do with how much you know, or how you feel about it. God has given you the victory. He has made you a WINNER in this life. So do not worry, do not fret. He's in charge. And He does a much better job than you.

It doesn't matter how long He takes.
God is faithful. Be a believing believer.
He doesn't know how to disappoint.

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Friday, March 09, 2007
11:14 PM

Alright, since the holidays are here, I'm going to try and regain a semblance of the Old Order of Blogging.

Although the success rate will probably be of negligible quantifiability, can't say I ain't gonna try.

Heh. 'Tis not as though the words aren't flooding my senses. They do. Just in smaller quantities, and surpressed by the general outward business of Lizzy's current lifestyle.

She juggles her CWC committments with a pinch of salt. Do not for one moment think that 'Art Director' is a zou bo title for someone who wants to be in the exco of a slack CCA. Then comes band, which should have, actually, been mentioned first. Since she has deemed that she should dedicate most of her available hours for the next 8 weeks to the achievement of such an honour.

Then the studies find their way in somehow, along with the H3 paper that she is far from prepared to write as of 9 March 2007.

Yet life is still jolly. She goes out with her friends. Catches History Boys which was a rather neglible sort of film. I would not recommend it to a vast majority of my social circle. Especially the homophobes. Gaiety galore. :D

Pictures pictures pictures. So many to upload, so lazy is Lizzy....

(10mins later during which the phone is grudgingly connected and photoshop somewhat called into action.)

Dadaaadumm!


The boys are so totally.. (............ insert appropriate vocabulary here.)


Ladidoo.
Spoke to the section today, I really don't have the desire to scold or nag them, because puhleeze, nagging never worked. Music making is for us to enjoy. SYF is in 2 months. There's no point in playing if you can't find joy or satisfaction in such an achievement.
It's only 2 months. No one's saying you'll have to sacrifice your life for band. It's just 2 months. Is that too much to ask, to challenge yourself for 2 months and achieve the best we can as the batch of 2007? I think not. And I believe we're all old enough to realize that.

Since my failed attempt to quit band when I was in sec2, only one motto remains.
If you're going to be a part of something, if you're going to have to do something, you might as well do it well. Whats the point in resentment when the only one making difficult for you is yourself?

I've never been much of a musician. Never liked piano lessons. Joined band because I adored my sister as an idol back when I was impressionable and thirteen. Now I'm eighteen. Not too sure about the impressionable part. But this is the path I'm taking. I love TJCSB. I love working with these people. I respect Lin Shen. And I know it'll be one of the most precious things I bring with me out of this school even if I never play the saxophone again. So while its tangible and mine, I'm going to appreciate every moment of it. No matter how I am an a saxist.


So. Caught Duke Ellington in concert tonight at the Esplanade. It was SO. SO. GOOD.
Delicious jazz saxes. How long as it been since I last heard such beautiful edgy tones. Totally awesome. Montreux Jazz tomorrow. Can't wait. :D More luscious saxes await me.

Falalalala.
Miss my class somewhat. No more long chillaxing Friday lunches for me till SYF's over. And by then June will be upon us and guess what we'll all be doing eh?
(Though band may be going to Hong Kong during the first week of the hols.)

Ah well.
Here are more videos for your. Er. Viewing pleasure.
All part of a typical 33/06 day.

Ken and Lizzy having a eureka moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7i1CnM6DKk

How (not) to treat your delicate instruments.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nvi8F2uJ8M

Poketalk. How do pokemons understand each other when all they can say is their own name?
(Stubbornly refusing to finish processing at press time.)

And actually there's another collage I'm to do.
It involves the object of 33/06's fascination for a good part of last week. (Or was it the week before?)
Quoting Mifa: Happy Bean! Where have you been all my life!

Band at 8.00am.
12.30am would be.. a good time to sleep. *nods*

And oh, I finally got good grades for Lit. After a long, dry spell. Thank you Jesus. x) Don't wanna know about the Othello one though. I admit that I haven't actually finished reading the play. So. I can't BELIEVE I wrote that Othello killed Cassio. *palms face*

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Thursday, March 08, 2007
12:11 AM

Well hello, thought I should make a coherent attempt to blog. My liguistic expression in school feels like it could possibly be climbing up the echelons of l33tness once more, save for the Othello essay I did in which I wrote at least a dozen times that Othello killed Cassio. (Shoot me twice for not having read the play.)

Random thought of the day:
Despite Handmaid's Tale having a weak, lazily constructed, poorly executed ending, Magaret Atwood is in many aspects, quite genius.


Random Kwotables of 33/06:

*ZH strolling into Lit class*
Mr R: *thunders* You're LATE!
ZH: *nonchalantly* Sorry! You want gingerbread man?
Mr R: Even what you eat has to be in the shape of a man. *narrows eyes*

Soef in Econs: *answers questions, pauses mid-sentence* Uhmm.. sorry, where were we?
Mrs C: We're all here Soefie, but I don't know where are you!

Mr T: Soefie, are you back from Twillight Zone yet?

Mr B: Well I'm sorry, but you cannot invoke the spirit of Bala to help you during the exams, and even if you could I strongly advise you against doing it.

Mr R: Okay, pretend that all of you are prostitutes.. *points index finger with flourish* RANNALD, you'll be the pimp.

Mr R: If you want to know more about ____, you can ask Sam. I'm sure he's very experienced in this arena. *pause as class murmurs among themselves* No meh? Not Sam? Then who? Rannald? *am chio giggle*

And many more that I wished I remembered.

I still have the usual Mitha, Shik, Lizzy madness combination comic strip that I was supposed to do, but its 12.30AM and Liz would dearly love to head off to bed, her lack of desire for sleep nonwithstanding.


Liz admits the sad truth that she is easily smitten by soft, cuddly, squishables, and this can be accounted to her the same way stomachs supposedly lead to a man's heart.

Mmmmmf.

Life has been passing in an unexciting blur. All the slightly more entertaining bits fail to make it to this page before my memory starts to fade into the cloudiness of previous weeks.

Sis and I think we should soon set up a food column. The evaluation of worthy hotel buffet fair.
Tops is still The Line @ Shangri-La. Followed by Oscars' at Conrad and the Fullerton Sunday brunch.
The abundantly blessed family likes to enjoy itself on occasions.
But don't mind me, simple fair is normally more than sufficient for my tastebuds, as long as it is palatably constructed.
TJ canteen food for example, does not quite fall into the classification of 'palatable'.
Do look out for my article (pimpage) in this month's issue of Temasek Times on the edibility of canteen fare.


Alright now, sleepy I am.
To bed, I will go.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007
11:50 PM

Lizzy admits that she has become a Decidedly Lazy Blogger.
Decidedly Lazy and on Certain Occasions Truthfully Busy Blogger.

So. Quick update on life.

33/06 still rocks my socks.
HAPPYBIRTHDAYWY (2 March)!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Globalization's temporarily shelved.
Got E for Chinese, Pass for Oral.
...
Okay give me some credit, I passed. *lol* NOMORECHINESE(exams)FORME!FOREVER!


And.
GORGEOUSGORGEOUSHARRODSBEAR from Jason. :D :D :D

Loverly loverly loverly. x)
*LOVES*

'Fessed to Mom. Who didn't disapprove. Double yay.
Feeling especially cheerful this evening.

Goodnight. (:

Shoutout to BEN. Just because. *thwacks*

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Lizzy (04/02); student, teacher, saxophonist, graphic designer, writer, child of God.

Loves God, green tea frap and peanut butter cups. :D

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