SMOKEandMIRRORS[v.18];;; theGREENobsession.

Saturday, September 30, 2006
10:34 AM

10.30AM.

Now that I'm awake.
My blogging radar isn't.

Well actually, it generally hasn't been.

Wy said that TJ was turning me into a mugger. And she claims she's never seen me study so hard in her life.

Somehow I felt like I studied more when I was at the airport last year. I think we used to clock 9 hours a day, at least. Now it sums up to about 5 or 6 at best.

But it all feels different this year.. No more Bio textbooks, no more Amaths TYS. No more countless quantities of school papers to practice. I never did dedicate a lot of time to History and Lit last year. Lit elect was after all, one book that we studied for two years. And an unseen prose/poem. Take that and compare it to the four books and two unseens that we'll be covering for two years here, and it'll almost look like a joke. It's more fun now, of course.

History. Droned our way through south-east asia in sec three. All we remembered was James W Birch being murdered while bathing. I remember how tickled Mel used to be over it.

Mel. Hahaha. I miss her loud, high-pitched voice that so totally dominated any conversation that incurred her wrath. =)

Our celebratory post-O' levels movie outing. I remember it was exactly on the day of our SEA History and Chem paper. Liz was happily spending her time in Kino all afternoon while the rest enjoyed a supposedly easy Chem exam. "You shouldn't have dropped lor, you would've scored." I'm very glad I dropped Chem, thanks, it did me it little and continues to do me no good at all. xP

We watched Harry Potter. *thinks* Did we?
Yeah. It was Harry Potter season.

Clarity of mind early (though I suppose you could try to refute this idea of earliness) on a Saturday morning.

Well actually I woke up feeling concerned. Agitated.
Zees. "Someday we'll know."

So many occasions to step back and bemuse myself realizing that being seventeen doesn't say very much about one's maturity. There's still so much to learn, so much to grow as a person... which of course, wouldn't stop even when you're ninety. But being seventeen comes with emotions you sometimes wish you didn't feel. Feelings that you can't help but feel, and feelings that you expect, probably wouldn't be around anymore by the time you're twenty-five because you would've had opportunity to have grown up by then. A little wiser with each passing year, a little more serenity.

In some ways this year has presented opportunities for me to reveal the side of myself that isn't particulary nice. I think I used to be more understanding towards the shortcomings of others, but you realize after a while that there's a fine line between being too nice and getting made used of, and completely turning the cold shoulder on the inidividual just to avoid being thrown back into a situation which you've spent so much time distangling yourself from the last time it happened. (All breathe now, at the end of a Lizzy-isque long sentence.)

I need wisdom, in every encounter. I need wisdom, and discernment. Because I want to grow as a person, I don't want to throw myself headlong into either camps just because I can't find the equilibrium.

And I'm so glad I have Jesus.
Because I know what He's died for.
And how He's held my hand and guided me, through these years, whether I've realized it or not, through the painful roads that I myself had chosen to take.

The only place I can and will ever fall into, is His embrace.

Gonna go spend time with Abba now. (:
Laters.

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	lizzy raised the dead
	In their new kick ass zombie movie

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