Wednesday, May 31, 2006
10:13 PM

Well hello blog.

It's been a busy week so far, here at Pre-U Sem.

The room I am occupying is almost a hole in the wall, akin to some boulder having conveniently smashed its way into a solid block of concrete and someone having attached a door to this hole and called it a room.. Or at least, that was my first impression of it. Kinda gotten used to the peeling walls and trail of ants by now, and have been borrowing laptops off my kind groupmates in my bid to satisfy my insatiable need to come online.

I've been blessed with a nice group, we'll be doing our filming tomorrow, which I guess, is pretty cool. The food here is nothing much to rave about, except for the fact that they feed us 6 meals a day. Some of which are pretty unappetizing, mostly supper, but there's a waffle shop in the cafeteria that I ought to go check out at least once before departing.

PGP (the hall we're staying in), as far as I recall, looked less run down when Sis was staying here quite a number of years ago. But it's still good, modern looking and has good functional toilets and facilities when compared to the others halls we encountered on our 'Campus Orienteering' journey yesterday.

Going to meet the rest of the TJ group at 10.30PM.

Hmmm.

Some of presentations we've seen have been really entertaining. It's ironic that the better ones (in my honest opinion) came from institutions not in the Top 5 rankings. Didn't get to see all of them, but Nanyang and Jurong were especially entertaining.

One thing I've realized since coming here is that education sometimes makes people stupid.

And how unmotivated I am when it comes to areas I have completely zero interest in. I guess coming here only served to confirm the fact that I never want to be involved in politics, unless I can be like Mrs Deborah Koh (sp?), the MP of Jalan Bursar and a most charismatic lady.

Two panel speakers were from TJ, which well, surfaced this glimmer of hope in my soul.. I guess one thing about TJCians is the great heart of volunteerism, or at the very least, humility.

Was pretty inspired by some, and completely turned off, unsurprisingly, mostly be the ones who were so educated that knowledge was practically oozing out of their ears.

Well well. Supper soon I guess, some sort of green mush that's supposed to be green bean soup.



Will update more later if the opportunity arises.

(:

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Sunday, May 28, 2006
10:24 PM

Blogging for what could possibly be the last time till Friday.

Heading off to NUS for Pre-U Sem tomorrow, have not started packing and certainly hope I won't have to go running out for no good reason to buy stuff in the middle of the night.

Like TOOTHPASTE for one. Which as far as I recall, is quite blatantly absent in this house at the moment.



So...

I shall miss you, my dearest, dusty corner complete with Lizzy's mess and ceaseless amount of worksheets. As well as my PS2 and Kingdom Hearts II which I am oh so close to completing. T_T

And of course, uhm.. the humans too of course.
... =x

Just kiddin.. yeah, I'll miss my side of civilization..

5 days.
Borrowed school attire from Dinah but hor.. her skirt is really short can.
Wahrau..

Church service was great today.
Worship.
Wisdom.
Praise.

Ahhhh. =)
Just want to revel and stay snug in His love for me.

Been a good weekend.
Goodnight.
(x

1 comments.

Blogger benjamin said

i'm not entirely certain about the future.
oh well, who is? ...
liz.
i've changed.
i'm not...me anymore.
i'm actually THINKING, for one...
...like, i feel this need to know, conclusively, what i feel for her.
i don't want to fall in love with the idea of falling in love.
but, if i'm scared of that, am i already in it?
or have i fallen in love simply with the idea of HER.
sigh
what IS love?
a decision i don't have guts to face probably.
so
i shall hide in words.
i hope she see's through me.
on one side, i'm being...the me i show everyone else.
haha.
the me everyone finds completely resistable.:)
but i want to be something more, for her.
sigh.
i guess i'll just be...me. whatever that is, and hope for the best^^
sori liz.
melodramatic moment:/
soul searching usually ends in frustration.
will stop now.

1:31 PM  

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Saturday, May 27, 2006
12:02 PM

Oooo. Apparently someone died/a body was found near my place a few days ago. No wonder Alex was asking me what happened. Too bad I was in school and therefore unable to give her any traumatizing recounts of a death I had failed to witness. Do excuse my ignorant cynicism.


Listening to the Da Vinci soundtrack, it's so typically Zimmer..
It's nice lah, but he's starting to sound like John Williams with his repetitive themes and all.
The show was not bad, watched it on the night of the 290 round run with Sis and friend. 2.5 hours, wasn't as blockbuster-y as I thought it could've been, but probably still worth watching (except for the totally sacrilegious notion of it all) I suppose.

Went to Strings concert last evening.. Rachel is really good. *applauds*

Then we hopped into two cabs and went down to VJ just in time to catch them playing New World.

Two, mostly because our attempts to fit into one cab resulted in them zooming past us, one nearly running us down, and one uncle going 'Xiao hai zi? *points at Nicky* Na li hui xiao!' (Small kid, he's not small at all!) before driving off.

We attempted to embarrass Vera with the 'I love you' balloon but then again her skin is so thick it probably didn't work.

VJ conductor is Sissy's friend.. His prancing around was hawhawhaw. And VJCSB is actually pretty good.. though maybe I'm pretty much used to our arrangement of New World.

Anyway spent the entire evening from the very second I met Dilly being mercilessly teased about my assets which are 100% real I assure you. *grouses*

And Dill don't try to fake lah okay.. We all know yours are still bigger.


Hmmm. Attempting to find enough TJ shirts to last me through five days of Pre-U Sem this week. And then I'll have to make sure everything is washed for next week's SMUN. Going to be staying in PGPR for Pre-U. Amusing. Sis used to stay there for a couple of her semesters at NUS. So.. Sis just unearthed the Prelude 17 shirt. Like.. OMG. (In her bid to help me find TJ shirts. But the Prelude 17 one right now looks almost worthy for wiping windows.) Gee. 9 years..

And I'm never going to finish typing this. It's past 1 already, going to check out the MPH bookfair at Expo..
BOOKS! BOOKS!.
Good lord how long haven't I bought books.
I feel flubbery.

And wubbery.

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Thursday, May 25, 2006
10:26 PM

This is probably going to end up, if it could've been expressed vocally, some sort of gutteral wail of exasperation.

10 minutes later...

Okay, maybe I feel a teensy bit better after complaining to Kitz over the phone, although I think he called to complain as well and we were two rather tired, possibly grouchy and disorientated people at this hour.



I've realized that I use many words in JC that I gave little thought to as a secondary student. Most of these words, are less than examplary members of the English language.

My eloquence also seems to have, conformed somewhat to the 'TJ drawl'.

More when I'm awake. o_O

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11:35 AM

Oh goodness finally... Blogger took like a whole half hour to load. *grouses*

Sports Carnival is turning out to be quite a hilarious affair, everywhere I go all I see is students eating, teachers eating... food being sold, catered.. some sports carnival.

It seems to be more of an extended holiday, with everyone holed up in the band room and Lizzy having nothing better to do but play Typer Shark all through the morning.

It's ridiculously cold sleeping in the band room... There was clear avoidance of the saliva saturated sections of the room (ie, tubas and trombones and whatnots...) and several misconceptions that saxophonists don't drool.

Okay so maybe most of them don't seem to, but Lizzy constantly feels as though she accumulates huge quanitities of saliva that regularly needs splaying across the band room floor.

Imagine how many generations of spit has seeped its way into these grounds.. Gosh.


Okay.. Guess I shouldn't be lame.

Quite relaxing to be sitting here doing absolutely nothing, everyone's just lazing around and engaging in soulfully enriching, uneducational activity.


Badminton finals later, hahaha.. and my dearest WY's going to be there, gah well. Haven't actually gone to support any of the sports competitions at all.


MINGJIE AT THIS POINT OF TIME, would like it to be made known that he's peernig illicitly at my blog beside me. HRMP. He's making silly requests. :D

AND he's wearing the socks we bought him! BWAHAHAHAHA.
He says its too small for him. He says they aren't ankle socks, they're feet socks, since as it is they barely manage to cover, like, the whole of his feet. :S

I don't care.. it's green. And its nicer than his horrid yellow socks!

MJ: RUBBISH!

:D



Lunch now. LATERS. Muaahahaaa.

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11:35 AM

Oh goodness finally... Blogger took like a whole half hour to load. *grouses*

Sports Carnival is turning out to be quite a hilarious affair, everywhere I go all I see is students eating, teachers eating... food being sold, catered.. some sports carnival.

It seems to be more of an extended holiday, with everyone holed up in the band room and Lizzy having nothing better to do but play Typer Shark all through the morning.

It's ridiculously cold sleeping in the band room... There was clear avoidance of the saliva saturated sections of the room (ie, tubas and trombones and whatnots...) and several misconceptions that saxophonists don't drool.

Okay so maybe most of them don't seem to, but Lizzy constantly feels as though she accumulates huge quanitities of saliva that regularly needs splaying across the band room floor.

Imagine how many generations of spit has seeped its way into these grounds.. Gosh.


Okay.. Guess I shouldn't be lame.

Quite relaxing to be sitting here doing absolutely nothing, everyone's just lazing around and engaging in soulfully enriching, uneducational activity.


Badminton finals later, hahaha.. and my dearest WY's going to be there, gah well. Haven't actually gone to support any of the sports competitions at all.


MINGJIE AT THIS POINT OF TIME, would like it to be made known that he's peernig illicitly at my blog beside me. HRMP. He's making silly requests. :D

AND he's wearing the socks we bought him! BWAHAHAHAHA.
He says its too small for him. He says they aren't ankle socks, they're feet socks, since as it is they barely manage to cover, like, the whole of his feet. :S

I don't care.. it's green. And its nicer than his horrid yellow socks!

MJ: RUBBISH!

:D



Lunch now. LATERS. Muaahahaaa.

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12:44 AM

BWAH.

It's so early in the morning....

TJC's alive tonight.

Whoever's mad idea it was to have a 290 round run through the night, well... at least it's an excuse to stayover and do absolutely nothing.

Two whole days, no studying, just sports. I don't know if that's supposed to be a good or bad thing. LOL.



It's pretty quiet outside but the noise level in the band room now is probably 20 decibles above the normal range.. Lol..

Anyway it's nearly one.

Von's running soon so.... laters, if there's the time and energy for Lizzy to do so. ^_O

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006
8:04 PM

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
Cause I will be here
- I Will Be Here, Steven Curtis Chapman

I love this song.
Oh well..
Nothing very interesting happened in school today. There's just a vacuum at the moment, a breather I guess, for this week, before I go embark on Pre-U seminar next week and SMUN after that.


Got to watch our stage band performance, am utterly mortified. I think I was probably flat 50 or something during Titanic, and I was so unimaginably soft during the YMCA part of Shrek Dance.

Okay so reflecting on it, I know now why some of my friends have labelled it as painful.

Heh.

Still... it was a once in a lifetime thing, and I'm still glad to have had the opportunity to play.
Aim for rest of year, stop sounding like a cow. Play decently.

I'm absolutely sleepy now, just played KH2 for a bit. If not for the art and special effects, the game would otherwise suck. It just cannot compare with KH man...



Going to go cook dinner now.

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
- He Will Carry Me, Mark Schultz

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Monday, May 22, 2006
10:04 PM

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your online journal (if you've got one) and be surprised (or moritified) about what people remember about you.




HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA Janicia's in the process of killing me for that photo.

God knows what I've been procrastinating over for the past few hours since I came home but I haven't started re-doing my PW GPP.




I felt this utterly deep sense of loss today after school. Like... No more stage band???

Popped by the band room after lessons mostly cause it was an automated response that I've become accustomed to.. only to have Mingjie laugh at my Chinese name for no apparent reason.. *kabuish* And the socks we bought him were too small!!! Hrmp.

Wondering why Ting Zhang hasn't said anything about what we bought him.
Either he hasn't found it yet... or he's trying to pretend it doesn't exist..

Anyway the pictures from Mingjie's cam are nice. Cam-whoring is satisfying only when your photos turn out nice. Love the one we took on stage. It's the only one where Mingjie has nice hair..

Feeling rather disorientated without band right now. Oh no! This cannot be! Lol. Gee.. Went to Parkway with Nigel (29/06 Nigel, not band Nigel), could still see the sun in the sky.. wow!

Okay excuse my sudden fascination with daylight. It's just something I haven't seen out of the context of school in quite a while.

Attempted to redeem himself by treating me to green tea frap... :P
Ended up talking in Starbucks till the rain threatened to drown half of me. Walked around and saw WANYUN. (:

I MISS THAT GIRL SO SO MUCH. :D

Okay so VJ baddy played against TJ today, and TJ won.. =\ It's one of those mixed feelings moments.

*hugs WY*

I still LOVE YOU! Lol.

I miss our clique madly. Heard our daughter's doing things she shouldn't be doing. HRMP. Some upbringing we've given her.


Okay just feeling rather woohoo at the moment. God knows what I'm high on.

Oh and they're selling those p.O.S.H VJ brownies here in TJ now and they're absolutely yummy. 10 cents more expensive though.

Feeling rather emo tonight and missing everyone all of a sudden. TKGSSB. SBA. TKGS'4e6. Mushroom family. ACJC DEP. Nick, Char and Joseph. 1AH.

Gagaga.

Okay I must show off this picture la... It's nice and gorgeous and not mine. ;D





HAH. But you can't see Mingjie's hair cause it's so small. Darn. Hope he doesn't mind me uploading it.. but he's nice lah, so I don't think he will. :x A most unproportionate looking saxophone section. LOL. But much love still. (:

[edit 10.39pM : OMG am I like short?!]


Amusing how we had to spread ourselves out so thinly just to form a fairly agreeable looking line yesterday. In TK we used to have to fight for elbow space just to play comfortably on stage.

MUST. STOP. GUSHING!


10.30PM

GPP!

I hope. :s

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Sunday, May 21, 2006
5:08 PM

OMG. (:

Prelude 26.




Where on earth am I going to start?

Pictures?

Enjoyed myself so, so much.

Heard many things from many people, both good and bad..
Though the first few I heard were mostly bad, Sis being the typical music critic that she is... Okay so she's been in practically (almost, I think) every local band worth being in during her time (from what I gather and from the multitude of concerts I had to attend as a child) so I'll just let her have her say.

Most people thought the stage band was hilarious. Just absolutely glad that it was a success. =)

Stage band really did pass in a haze, goodness, it proceeded so smoothly, and everybody just did their part... I'm so proud of everyone! Hao Jie for pulling off the voice of Guo Hong's huntsman, Eugene's voice-over for the toilet bowl was a TOTAL crowd pleaser. Liu Bo was GAY! Mingjie should be proud of him. Dil as Snow White, GV as the evil Queen, the DWARVES.. Even the stage and props people, and the narrator.. voice-overs.. Woo hoo.

Stage band was really an experience that I know I'll never get to do again..

The year ones.. The cast, the crew, the musicians.. everything that made stage band possible. All the long hours we spent trying to perfect it...




I LOVE YOUUU. (:

And the stage band, the people whom I've spent so much time practicing with, gosh... Felt so ridiculously sentimental after we were done. All the time Master Monster Yao spent perfecting all the nitty gritties with us... Him and Nigel composing the arrangements...




You guys rock. :D
*HUGS*

And of course.. not forgetting the saxes..




I'm going to miss the seniors a lot, even though I haven't belonged to this band for very long. As we were playing Tong Hua at the end, it just struck me how Sarah and I wouldn't be playing with them as TJCSB anymore, didn't quite want to let that moment go... I guess there won't be anymore Mingjie sitting next to me during combine and sharing that crappy stand which we always use.. the one that completely cannot stand on its own and requires not one but two feet firmly planted on its legs just to keep it vertical..

I haven't been here long, and yet I felt it tonight.
Every band has it's magic, and I love the one that comes with TJCSB.

It's about enjoying the music, giving the audience something to enjoy.
It's about loving what you're doing, we're not playing because there's a Prelude every year, and it's just tradition to have a concert, tradition to have a stage band. We're playing it, we're doing it, because we really want to.

And I just felt the emotions last night.
=)


Thanks to everyone who came, and even more thanks for the people who got me stuff...



I LOVE THE SNAIL. (: Because its big and squishy and somewhat green. Gift from the sax seniors.
Chocolate from Soefie (DARK CHOCOLATE. To be exact. The extra bitter kind. :D) , and thanks to my classmates for coming and the hilarious story of where the flowers ended up but still love you guys loads! :D
Cookies from Dil and Ting, Kinder Bueno from Jocelyn, a note from BAYA (love love love SBA), one from Oli...
FLOWERS.
Vra, Zhaoey, I LOVE YOU TWO FOR COMING. :D
Hippo, Phutty, Armstrong and Dotty. Happy that you guys came. =)
Tino, Aida, Pam, Neem, Jocelyn, Suat for flowers... And I know there's more of you whom I can't remember right now. >__<
Nigel.. and I think Melody too.
Luther for the one he claimed he wrapped himself.. :D Thank yooo.
Kit for the beeyewtiful bouquet. XD
And not forgetting the balloon flowers my TKGSAX juniors attempted to make for me! Lol.



I'm really blessed so have such loving, caring, thoughtful, sweet friends who made time to come. (:

I never intended to get attached to the band.
But I know now that I'm not going to be able to bear leaving.
I may not be a great player, I know I'm not talented like quite a number of the other band members...
But I want to keep playing now, I don't want to let go of the sax just yet.

Gosh.. and I only came to TJ in March. How time flies.
It's nearly June.

Lord, give me the best time of my life here. =)


TJCSB is love.
Never thought I'll say it.
But it is.

1 comments.

Anonymous Anonymous said

yay. =)


*cclia

9:37 PM  

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Saturday, May 20, 2006
12:42 AM

MM. 12.45AM!

Considerably early... finished my pre-performance gift making rush. *Beams*
Including momentary panic over senior's presents.

Went to MJ concert. Gave SK a purple papered wrapped sunflower. At least I still remember you like that awful gay colour.

Saw Jia Ying, Dotty and Yi Xuan..
And Armstrong. :D

I miss that batch so much.
And SK/Arms/PHUT's of course. Oh yea, PHUTTY was there too. That's for you continually calling me Vinyl for no good reason.

And I miss my batch as well. :(
I miss Vra's crappiness.
I miss Fary's random outbursts.
Cait's whining.
Syl's irrelevant remarks.
Mai stressing out over combine.

And I miss the one and only chalet I had with these three batches.
It was fun even though all we did (mostly) was play cards, mahjong and go crazy in the Pasir Ris Park playground at 2.00AM in the morning.

Whee.
Still.
Tomorrow's my first concert with TJCSB.
And my last with the seniors, whom I have admittably not had the opportunity to know very well for obvious reasons. God bless this band. Let the performance be a smooth, successful one.

Time for sleep. =)

GOODNIGHT. :D

Thanks to all who are coming for concert.
Thanks to Von for the Famous Amos cookies today. :D
Thanks to WY who will be coming for the concert even though she's never appreciated band music.
I want to meet my besties soon. :(
Rene who will hopefully come tomorrow as well.
Mel whom I've not seen since we collected our results.
..


Need to go find the various bits of everything I have to bring tomorrow. :D
Sleep well everyone.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006
2:59 PM

Seriously feeling awfully crappy at the moment.. and even worse, less crappy than I felt 2 hours ago when I got the results.

I didn't get the scholarship.

And I didn't think I'd have taken it so badly. But I did. For the whole chinese period the thoughts were screaming in my head... It hurt so bad I thought I would've exploded...

Pride.

The higher you climb, the harder you fall.

All the thoughts, the same fears...

"See Liz, you're not good enough"

It just kept screaming at me. All through the period...

Sorry to anyone who was on the receiving end of Liz overracting to minor disaster, especially before lunch.

I feel.... visibly calmer right now.


But still.

Inadequate.

It's probably a good thing I didn't manage to get my hands on a computer before this, only God knows how emo I felt.

I feel.. so lousy.

Really...

It's like.. never being good enough.

Smart? Never smart enough.



TPJC Oratorical, I know I totally got pwned.

Went for emcee auditions at CCA Branch on Tues.

What's to come of it? Oh well. If I get it, then, jolly good. If not, I'll just have more time to study for the JCTs since it all hovers around the first week of July.


The scholarship.

So I don't feel as shitty about it now.


And it scared me how absolutely affected I was when I first got the news.

Anyway congrats to Sabby who did get it. =)

I don't know why I was reacting so badly...

Guess that says a lot about the part of me I wish didn't exist.

=(

Jesus, thank you.. that You're still here. Scholarship or not, You are my provider...

There'll always be people better than me.

I can never be 'good enough', I guess.

Cause there's never perfection to attain.


But I have Jesus, and now that I can't do it for myself, and the reality of my inabilities are slapping me in the face...

Well, sometime's its so difficult to be brutally honest with the fact that I'm not good enough, and that I need God.

But I do.
And it's times like these that tell me that.


Oh well.

I'm just overracting to things.

Things are going to be fine.

Concert's in two days. Thank you to everyone who bought tickets and will be coming to support TJCSB.

=)

After that I'm going to sleep for 12 hours straight.

But for now, it's all about the band.





edit: 3.50PM

Hrmm. I'm reduced to using the computers of all the TA people in band. o_O

Guess thats the only time these past couple of week when I can actually touch a computer and actually type coherently without falling asleep in the midst of my MSN coversations at 12.00MN or something.

DILLY'S READING WHAT I WRITE! Gwaa.

Turned out my iPod just now, just after writing that entry. And God spoke to me through one of Pastor's messages, after I felt so blah and all. It was from the sermon entitled "Wait! Don't Try To Help God!"

And boy, was it timely. o_O

The first thing I heard:

"You know why sometimes God can't give you success? Because you don't have the wisdom nor the maturity to deal with success. You might be proud, you might even congratulate yourself for doing well. God wants to give you success when you can deal with it. When you're capable enough to handle the responsibility of success."


And yes, that's so true isn't it?
Oh well. =)

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
-Romans 5: 1-5

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006
1:00 PM

Blogging in school now. =(

Baaaah. Exhaustion gets to you, sometimes. Even when you know you're already better off than some of the rest.

It's almost as if Saturday would never come. Do I want it to?

Sigh.


What am I saying, I'm speaking as though I have no God, I have no Christ in my life.

But I do.

And all I really want to do right now, is run into his arms and hide there.



Sorry to the people I might've been snappish with lately.
Soefie... possibly the rest of my classmates as well.


Hmmm.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father you are king over the flood.
I will be still and know you are God.

Then she said, "Sit still, my daughter, until you know how the matter will turn out; for the man will not rest until he has concluded the matter this day."
Ruth 3:18


Inadequacy.
Failure.
Pride.

I'm not good enough, for so many things.
As long as I seek perfection, I know I shall not be able to attain it.

Because self-effort comes to nothing.
What am I but for the grace of God?

1 comments.

Anonymous Anonymous said

Hey Liz:) Its Dish. Just dropping a msg to say hi:) We were fooling around in the cage today with costumes and this girl pulled out the one you wore for NOL. So all of us started on the 'Liz's expressions';p. MIssing you real bad:)
love

9:08 PM  

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Saturday, May 13, 2006
10:01 PM

Took this off Von's blog. Intended to do it much earlier - when she actually did make that entry... but, well. It seems more relevant now, I suppose.

"I suppose you feel you let everyone down, and that you made a fool out of yourself and everything. But did you notice something, Charlie Brown? The world didn't come to an end."

-Linus, "A Boy Named Charlie Brown"


It's crunch time.
So.. adversity, brings out the best... and the worst in you.

Such is my journey in band.
Sometimes you wonder if it's all worth it. All the long hours, the sweat and tears... and then people don't want to go for your concert, and then you realize, somewhat, how caught up you've been in this whole reality in which exists, for yourself, 'band', to the point that you've forgotten how irrelevant and unimportant the word is to others.

We care for the concert because we're playing. We care for the stage band and the words of our seniors, our peers, because it's ours.

Yet it's so easy to forget, how everyone else can't see the magic.
Everyone else hasn't seen you clocking the hours.

Well, I guess that's every performance for you. When I was watching ACJC's The Tempest, I guess one of the things that made me admire them even more was the fact that I knew, to a certian extent, the rigor that went into making that production a success. Just for that three nights. They slogged away, countless hours of dance practices... all that physical and mental drainage.. everything... Just so an audience that barely understood the Shakespearean lines being exchanged could sit there for two and a half hours and stare intently at you.

Or at least, that's the general whisper I heard going through the crowd as we shuffled out afterward.

"Great set, nice costumes, wonderful characterization... but what on earth was that dialogue all about?"

I mean.. of course I'm not questioning the intelligence of the audience, but not everyone appreciates Shakespeare, myself included.



But you see..

I guess that's it.

That's the point isn't it? Of being a performer.

It's all a fleeting dream.

Live for the moment... We're doing all this for that one night.

Why?

It's the magic of giving a good performance. Of sharing your passion and your vision with the rest of the world.

I guess.. after drama, I learnt to appreciate that more.
And in this band as well.
It's subtle, but it's so very different from TK.

And hmmm. I guess, in a way, I know why God allowed band to exist in my life once more.
Because at sometime I had to realize how my greatest strength turned out to be my greatest weakenss. And vice versa, of course....

This is my journey.. I am in Christ. I am in the beloved... And I know all things will turn out for good. Not because of any other reason, save the fact that I am His. He is my Shepherd, and He looks after me.

Everything I cannot do, He can.
And everything I can, He does better.
In Christ all my answers are found.

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Friday, May 12, 2006
9:13 PM

Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
Cause I, I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I, I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

I, I will be here

And just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I, I will be here
We'll be together
I will be here



Sweet, sweet song. The kind I would like at my wedding when that day finally rolls around the corner... er, much, much later thank you.

Band the whole of today. Barely felt like a public holiday, considering the fact that I spent a good number of hours in school.

Hmmm.


Oratorical finals tomorrow.
I miss Von.
So much for us being in the same school, the only time we ever see each other and spend more than 2 minutes in each other's presence is during History lectures when we sit together in tensed silence copying down Hasim's or Bala's notes and desperately checking our watches as the last five minutes approach.

The darling is coming to support me tomorrow morning. Lol. And we still have a paper on Nigeria to write. =_= Hasim wants the first draft on MONDAY. JOY.

8 more days to concert.
7 more days to History paper.
5 more days to Econs paper.
Lit on Monday, Chinese on Tuesday.. and everything seems to want to simultaneously happen on Wednesday.

Okay so it probably wouldn't help to attempt studying for Lit except to perhaps, read through the notes on techniques.

Chinese.. er.. o_O
-shrugs?-


ANYWAY!
I don't sound like a castrated, dying kitten on the alto anymore. Yay? Being in band all these years has taught me one of the most important lessons that I'm still trying to deal with.

No matter how good (or in my case, how 'okay') you sound, there'll always be someone better than you. There'll always be somewhere where something can be improved, and that learning never stops.

Yeah. Many lessons I've learnt in this harsh journey down this unpaved road littered with broken glass.. but it's a journey that I know I'm taking for a reason. God's placed me here for a reason, and even though I have no idea what it is yet, I know He knows.

He's always seen me through, especially the times when what I could see with my own eyes seemed helpeless. He always made a way through, and somehow Liz is still here. I survived, and I believe it's no coincidence.


HMMM!
QUIZ GOODNESS. Just because.

So called.. "Getting to know yourself better."

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

(WELL, being myself would mean exercising the incredulously low empathy level that was reflected in my Big 5 profile...)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.



OMG! LE GASP!
Fine so I took it with my usual cynical outlook believing that it would give me an entire list of incredulous answers that would leave me with some scathing words to say. But I must grudgingly admit that this sounds rather.. accurate. Or so, I'll like to believe.
Oh well.


It's not 12.33AM, despite whatever this entry says. And it's time for bed.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006
11:33 PM

Steven Curtis Chapman - Magnificent Obsession

Lord, You know how much
I wanna know so much
In the way of answers
And explanation
I have cried and prayed,
And still I seem to stay
In the middle of life's complications
All this pursuing
Leaves me feelin' like
I'm chasin' down the wind
But now it's brought me back to You
And I can see again

This is everything I want,
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one
Consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You,
Jesus,
Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again,
Take me to depths I've never been
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy
Return me to the cross,
And let me be completely lost
In the wonder of the love
That You've shown me
Cut through these chains that tie me down
To so many lesser things,
Let all my dreams fall to the ground
Until this one remains

This is everything I want,
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one
Consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You,
Jesus,
Be my magnificent obsession
My magnificent obsession

You are everything I want
And You are everything I need
Lord, You are all my heart desires,
You are everything to me

You are everything I want,
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one
Consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You,
I want it all to be for You
'Cause You are everything I want,
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one
Consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You,
Jesus,
Be my magnificent obsession
Be my magnificent obsession





Had band till 10.00PM. I swear Sootballs is going to be resounding in my head till June. So much for choosing that piece because Joe Hisaishi is love.

And I'm sleepy to say very uch else.

Gonight.

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006
10:09 PM

DUMDUMDUM.

Firstly, thank you Soef and Krin for being there while Lizzy had a one minute wailing breakdown momentary lapse in sanity.



Went for the Steven Curtis Chapman concert last night. I know there was stage band rehearsal, but I already decided very early on that my priorities lay with pursuing God, with seeking after the one who holds my life, my future, and my eternity in His hands. Everyone speaks of the strenuous, occasionally intolerable journey that is JC life, but there's nothing like experiencing it for yourself, as they always say.

The concert was good, even though I was unfamiliar with most of the music. Still there was nothing like soaking in His presence... listening to the words that were being sung and just feeling peace down in my soul after a long and weary day.

When the term started it was still manageable. I still saw home before the sun set, I could survive on the message fed to me on Sundays at church and last till Friday when I went for Bible Study, and Saturday when there was Campus or caregroup.

Now I survive a Monday, and by Tuesday I'm completely, well, shagged. Wednesday rolls along and I feel almost beaten and bruised to the verge of shutdown.

I admit the many things that I am guilty of.

I don't have the talent to live up to my pride.
I'm not as strong as I think I am.
I can't handle pressure as well as I expect I should...

Among other things.

Sometimes I question why I get myself involved in so many things. At first it hadn't seemed like much. Sure, I could handle a few band practices... And CWC, and Pre-U Sem, and Mock UN and an Oratorical competition and while I'm at it why don't I try out for SYF emceeing as well?

Woohoo. But honestly, it didn't seem like a lot at first.
Now there's band every day, I'm spending more than half my 24 hours in school, Mock UN has a paper that needs writing and no I'm not going to push it to Von. CWC has layouts that needs doing. Pre-U Sem has that video editing thing that needs workong on. Oratorical finals is on Saturday morning and clashes with the last Saturday band practice before concert... and I'm just thankful I've finished writing the blurbs for band.

It's not that I'm not loyal to all my committments. It's just that.. somehow my education (yes, the one MOE actually prescribes as necessary) has to fit in between all that somehow.

Schedule

Thursday (11 May) - H2 Lit test, Band
Friday (12 May) - Band
Saturday (13 May) - Band, Oratorical, Campus
Monday (15 May) - Band, H1 Lit test
Tuesday (16 May) - Band, Chinese test, SYF emcee auditions
Wednesday (17 May) - Band, Econs test
Thursday (18 May) - Band
Friday (19 May) - H2 HISTORY TEST, Band, MJ Band Concert
Saturday (20 May) - Pre-U Sem briefing at NUS, Band Concert, both TK/TJ Speech Days


And somehow I've realized the horror that is econs.
Somedays I think to myself that I ought to have tried Art or something. And no, I cannot, I repeat, cannot do music. I haven't met many who are skillful enough to scrape past Grade 3 Piano with 100/150 (for the ignoramuses, that means I just PASSED) and like a single digit number that falls below 5 for sight-reading from from Grade 1.



I can't believe I haven't blogged since Sunday. And well, soooo much has happened since then. Like bad ghost stories, walking around a tiny portion of the school in the dark, getting pwned by a ball in my face twice during PE today... and er, stuff. Okay so maybe my busy life isn't all that interesting after all. :
I did get to see some of my old AC friends at the Pre-U briefing today though, and a couple of the new ones I got to know from the TPJC competition. Singapore is a small, small world. Yes. Very small.


And here I am neglecting Hasim's tutorial once more cause font size 4 is ridiculously bad for my eyes, the readings are close to intolerable and I'm feeling rather grumpy, morose and unfortunately human today.

It's midnight and I'm, unsurprisingly, falling alseep here again.

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Sunday, May 07, 2006
2:01 AM

PAP won, big surprise there.

Chan Soo Sen won by a smaller margin in my SMC this year. HEH. So much for you have shaken my hand and giving me $300, a photo and your autograph. (Long, stupid story. For more details, read entry on Sis' blog.) Don't know why so many people voted for the opposition Worker's Party dude. Maybe I'm just ignorant but I didn't hear a damn thing about him during the entire duration of the elections. Anyway those PAP vans that went around with all these white-clad people waving while speakers blared in anything but English were rather amusing.

One drove past me last week as I was waiting by the curb for a cab. The people waved at me and all Lizzy managed to give them was a superbly cynical expression that most of my friends probably recognize as the face that appears when something ridiculously incredulous gets thrown at me.

Kinda pitied them really, considering the fact that driving down my area of the supposed Joo Chiat SMC (despite the fact that I do live on East Coast Road) equated to driving down empty streets and waving at the other vehicles, dogs, cats, and rustling leaves... since those were probably the only things moving on the road. People in my constituency are just disinterested lah.



Hmmm. My recent attempts to blog have been continually disrupted by me falling asleep in front of my monitor.


Went back to TK yesterday in a bid to er, convince (or threaten at knifepoint) my juniors to come for the concert. My sec4s and sec3s are going. And the ones whom I'm paying for first kindly do remember to return the said cash on fear of pain or death. :P


Summary of my little visit: The only question Ms Sia wished to pose to me was "So how? Never join band ah?"

"No Ms Sia, I did. Really."

So yes... Sitting in during combine only served to bring back a flood of unhappy emotions I generally associate with it. Fear. Trepidation. Condemnation. Worthlessness...

I wonder why. *dry laugh*

Hmmm. Juniors sounded er... well, whatever TKGSSB sounds like these days I guess. Saxophones... intonation's kinda off. But that was an issue with us since the time of the dinosaurs. I think the only time we had semi-decent intonation was during the SYF period.
Still, there's hope for the next SYF. The sec3 batch looks promising. The sec1s are just tiny this year.



Stage band prep today. Woke up at 9 to finish re-crafting the script and detailing the action sequences. Had the time of my life from last evening right till this afternoon just before I had to head to Dinah's place attempting to find suitable music. Bad midi files should be banned. I mean, don't the people who compose them realize how shittay all that jarring noise is?

Still.. finally got my flustered butt (and the rest of my anatomy, of course) down an hour late but nevertheless.. still in one piece. Then Dinah's printer decided to print hieroglyphics... still, it was pretty fun today. Thanks Dinah's mom for feeding us every half hour... Haha. Incidentally she's got a fabulously efficient house for doing such large scale work in. *thumbs up*

Dear God, by your grace let me sound good on the sax. Even though I've played it for over 3 years, I still sound like an old dying cat on the tenor and a hungry, mewling kitten on the alto. Also, as though that wasn't bad enough, I can't seem to get myself in tune with the others. So Lord, even though I can't tell a B-flat major from a C-major for nuts, or recognize if I'm flat or sharp, I can't tongue very well and I read notes with as great a speed as a rushing tortoise, just... by your grace, because I've realized it time and time again that I cannot achieve this on my own, let me sound decent. I don't need to be fabulous, I just want to stop sounding bad. Thank you Lord, that you hear my prayer. You love me. And you take care of me, no matter what.



Even with the schedule I'm currently running.

You're more than enough for me.


To do (by weekend):
Meet up with Von to get started on Singapore Mock UN paper.
Hasim's 12 page tutorial/essay.
Catch up on Econs up to Firms.
Temasek Times wants front page layouts by Monday. Thanks for giving me like, 36 hours.



Oh yea, Sis bought me a new shirt. It's in my favourite shade of wearable green and says:

Caution
Had a bowl of bitchy for breakfast.


And there I was denying it for the past couple of days when Nigel and Soefie called me bitch. =(
Am I really bitchy? Moohoo.


Still, Sis rocks, and so does the shirt because Sis bought it.


K. Sleep time. Ben's being weird tonight and Nigel's actually sane. :O

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Friday, May 05, 2006
12:27 AM

Sis is rambling in the background..

Nyer.. it's disrupting my train of thought.

Random thoughts for the day:
THERE IS HOPE!



It's FRIDAY TOMORROW!

Haha.

Brought home an alto sax today. It's been such a long long long long long time since I last brought home an alto sax. Or any sax, for that matter.


Clocked another 2 hours of KH2. I swear it's almost brainless to play. I mean I know kids play KH2 but all you have to do in the game is button mash and stone through the kazillion cutscenes... what's the fun in that? So KH1 did give me many sleepless nights in my countless attempts to make it to level99, finish synthesizing enough material to get my Ultima Weapon... finding all those ridiculous Dalmatians... but that just upped the level of satisfaction I felt when I finally finished the game.

KH's ruining my skillz man.. after all that mindless bashing all the other action games suddenly become hard.


Oh yeah, sax. Hmmm.
Wanted to lug the tenor home but decided that realistically speaking I didn't actually have that much time over the weekend to do very much practicing.

Let's see. In addition to everything else that I already have, I'm going to have to start getting down to write that SMUN (Singapore Mock United Nations) Conference paper with Von very soon. There's a compulsary briefing at SRJC this Wednesday in the afternoon. Saturday's the finals of the TPJC Oratorical competition.

...

And I'm falling asleep typing this.
So there goodnight to one and all.

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006
10:41 PM

Casting Crowns - Who Am I
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours







Thank you Lord, that you will never disappoint.
Man may fail me, but God will never fail me.


Sometimes things are so tempting to do... Words are so tempting to say.


AND.
I realized that Agnes and the others are right. Being attached does somehow just seem to be the 'in' thing at JC/Uni level.

Spending too much time in school makes me feel spiritually dry.
Because there are always situations, people, and circumstances to point out all my flaws. All my imperfections. All my inadequacies.


It's rather silly, when you realize even the people you idolize, admire or look up to. The people you envy for being prettier/smarter/richer than you, they're human like you too. They make mistakes, they yearn to be loved, they want the same things you do.

And they envy you too.

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Monday, May 01, 2006
10:53 PM

Mmm..

I might be addicted to chocolate.


Anyway. If things go on like this, _ _ _ _ might turn into an expletive.


Mom came back from China today... I love my Mommy.

Ate with her at Siglap, glorious fish soup and rojak to sooth my soul. And sought therapy in the form of Coffee Club's mudpie for dessert.

Had a craving for Starbuck's green tea frap, which mostly happens when Lizzy's upset/annoyed/pissed/stressed/insert negative emotion here. But it's okay. Mudpie works wonders too.


It's times like these, when things just seem to go wrong, wrong, wrong that it's the hardest to remember how very much you are loved by God, and how he really just wants to take care of things for you if only you'd stop thinking that you could handle it on your own.

Listened to Pastor's 16 April 2006 sermon today. Shepherd and Sheep.

"God is our Shepherd, yes?
And we are the sheep, yes?

So. Who leads?
Does the sheep lead the shepherd or the shepherd lead the sheep?

The Shepherd leads the sheep, yes?


So then.

Why are you so worried?"


Hmmmm.
It's so true isn't it?


Sometimes we try to lead God, when in fact we're hindering God from leading us.

And why should we worry about the direction in which we're heading? Because a Shepherd would never abandon His sheep.

And the Shepherd knows the way home.

Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.

~

He wants us to know Him as Shepherd. (:
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.

He's with me, always.

Jesus, I know that no matter how things may seem crappy on the outside, You never leave me nor forsake me. And because I am yours, I can always have hope. A confident expectation of good.

Thank you Jesus. (:


Clocked 4 or 5 hours of KH2 tonight.
So much for econs/history/whatever it was I was supposed to be doing.
Still.
Soraaaaaaa!!!~ x3 *fangirl moment*
Even though the character dubbings for the Pirates of the Carribean bit was so not sexy. Jack Sparrow does not sound like that thankyouverymuch. And Elizabeth sounded like she had Kleenex stuffed up her nose.

The plot for KH seemed more feasible though. KH2 just seems a little kiddier and easier, less challenging than KH was. The reason why I'm even sealing/opening keyholes at every world is still a mystery to me. Something about opening gateways, was it? The worlds just seem to breeze past in an hour max. Quite unlike KH where you could spend hours just trying to find the right way to scale the ledge and whatnot just to reach your destination (and as I remember, give me a bummer of a headache trying to make it through Tarzan's world to the keyhole).

The interface and gameplay for KH2 is much better though. The art's fantastic, the designs are yummy. I think I'm just playing it cause the art customization for the various worlds are just intriguing to see. The black and white Steamboat Willy world was really, really cute.

Still, Roxas was pretty to look at. And most of Organization Thirteen is just eye-candy.
And Sora's twice as bishie in black. ;D


Okay. Shall stop having one of my bimbo moments. Or something.

I doubt most of you even know what I'm rambling about here.

Am off to bed now.

TUESDAY. Hmm, it's my latest school day. 3.35PM. (See how blessed I am? Lol. Praise God for my timetable.)

My Shepherd, you lead me. =)

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