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10:20 AM

Am tired of entertaining the calls of a frantic mother and a dismal boyfriend.
No. I don't know where your daughter is. Stop asking. I really don't.



Anyway, on to Speech Day.
It started off on a good note. We played decently, the band that is. Am very happy about it. Ms Sia was pleased with us. So thats makes everything good. At least we made the most out of our last performance. *HUGS SBA and TKGSAX*

MRS CHAN IS THE BESTEST BESTEST BESTEST EVER.

In case you're wondering, Mrs Chan is our ex-principal, and she was one of the best things to have ever happened to TK. The measure of how wonderful Mrs Chan is, is directly porportional to how inept Mrs Loke is. Which is to say, that Mrs Chan surpasses all boundaries of what constitutes 'good'.


:)

Her speech (Mrs Chan's, of course. Loke's one lacked any form of substance whatsoever to be considered even vaguely impressive.) was so.. wow. It just captivated your attention, and it shot an arrow deep down into that little crevase known as our souls and made me bawl my eyes out. Or at least, I would have if Claire wasn't squealing at me not to cry.

Why did she choose to come back this year, in 2005? Why was it so significant that she attended our Speech Day? Us, the sec4s?

Because when she left, she left behind a cohort of wide-eyed sec1 girls. And 3 years later, she's returned to see her sec1s grow into what we are today. The graduating batch of 2005.

Out of respect for her I shall not try to recreate that part of her speech, because it was her eloquence that made it all so... *lip quivers and burst out into tears*


Yup.. And really, Mrs Chan is a really, really really really inspiring person. All Loke all was going on about in her speech was our dwindling academic results of which she tried to propagandate the fact that they were actually 'good', and all the performing art's fall from the perch of glory which she still tried to delude herself, and everyone else, into thinking that TK was as good as it was before a certain President scholar took the helm.

I'm truly sorry Mrs Loke. But the glory days are over. We all know whats left of TK now. Stop trying to make yourself look good. Because it digusts, us, the students, who know best, to the furthest expands of our conscious minds.



Mrs Chan, well, she doesn't have the desperately aggresive tone that Loke possesses. The 'I'm right, really. I'm 100% utterly correct. You just have to believe what I'm trying to tell you. You have to. Because I'm right.' Its a tone no leader should ever need to use.

When Mrs Chan spoke, it was like honey. Magic. It was.. it just felt right. It made you feel right deep inside that yes, this is what a leader truly should be. This is the voice of a person I'd respect to the grave. This is the image of someone I would entrust my future to.

She spoke soft, she spoke slow. But she spoke wisdom. And that was more than anyone else on stage prior to her appearance could have offered to us in our lifetimes as TKGians.

And this was what she said.


All I really need to know I learnt in kindergarten.
All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. By Robert Fulghum (373 words)

Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School.


These are the things I learned:

 Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Take a nap every afternoon.

 When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.

 Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

 Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

 And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

 Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation- Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

 Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm.

 Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap.

 Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

 And it is still true, no matter how old you are - when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

I swear I could have just ran up and hugged her tight there and then. You have no idea how honoured I am to have been able to be there that day, just to sit there. Just to listen to her say those words. Just to listen to her subduely putting her point across without blatant offence to the current head of TKGS.

Its like, for the past three years. All I feel they've been emphasizing in this school was the academia. And this is the difference between Loke and Mrs Chan. To Mrs Chan, how you are as a person, surpasses beyond what is given to you at face-value on paper. Good academic results is a byproduct of good mannerisms, of a good upbringing. To Loke, because you are supposed to be academically inclined, therefore you have the responsibility, or at least, the natural expectation to be well-behaved.

Which is the cause, and which is the effect, I wonder metaphorically. What comes first? The right upbringing, or the good results? Don't even answer the question. The answer is staring at you blatantly in the face.


There were a few more paragraphs to this draft, but I've decided not to post them till I graduate, perhaps. :p


Anyway, well.. Yeah. For those who were at Speech Day... I HEARD YOU SNIGGERING AT MY AWFUL AWFUL SEC3 PHOTO!!! *wails*

OMG. That has to be the most unglorious photo I ever had the displeasure of taking. And they had to use it for the Outstanding Service Award citation. And then they just HAD to put it up in the foyer as well... FOUR COPIES OF IT.

One for History, one for Outstanding Service, one for being class chair, and another for being the chairman of the Editorial Board. I never even knew what my 'post' in the editorial board was called till they read the citation. GAHHHHHHHHHHH. Four photos. Four of that same horrible sec3 photo that looks like ^$&&%^$#!!!!!

T___T SO unglam.

*hides her face*

Anyway... *decidedly stops moping about the horrors of that photo*
Congrats to all us 4/6 prize winners. That'd show the teachers a thing or two. That four of the eleven Outstanding Service winners were from 4/6. HAH. Vonnie, Shu Wei and Steffi. I'm proud of you guys. :)

And coincidentally enough, four of us were from 2/6 as well. (Yes I've been in the 6th class my whole TK life.) Maryam (Drama), Swee Huang (AV or was it Com Club?), Adillia (MY BELOVED BL! Lol.) and yours truly.

The irony of which was that our sec2 FM, Mrs Guna, came up to us to say that she was 'so proud' of us and was telling other teachers that 'those were her girls' when in sec2, the same Mrs Guna booked me for defiance because I Was Rude. Oddly enough, someone decided to put in my citation that I was a 'courteous' student. That was honestly the last word I would have ever expected anyone to use to describe me. o_O


Heh. Okay enough rambling about myself. I LOVE MRS CHAN!!!! Yes. She was the highlight of my day.

AND DID I MENTION.. that we (tkgsax) went on a section outing after Speech Day and for the first (and possibly last) time in our band lives, EVERYONE. EVERYONE. EVERYONE. turned up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But. -_- We never got to take any neos or pictures with the 14 of us. Hahahah. BUTBUTBUT. Us, the sec4s, all SIX OF US! Finally finally got our one and only neoprint together!! Never before in the past 4 years, have we managed to arrange a section outing that our entire batch attended. Sadly enough, by the end of the day, only Vera and I remained from our batch, along with our 3 sec3s and 3 of our 5 sec2s. So much for having six of us. Lmao.

Still. I'm happy. :)))

Heh. OH YES. AND MY PS2 IS HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME!!!!! HAAAA! Joy oh joy. (imagines Von and Kiran palming face)

Think I ought to shut up now. I've been writing this entry for over an hour. z___z With breakfast in between of course. *beams and totters away*

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12:13 AM

I'd blog about Speech Day. But I'm current very annoyed with a certain someone.

If you're having family issues. Keep me out of it.

If you want me to lie for you, fine.

If you want me to lie for you and you go get into a heck of trouble and your mother won't stop calling me and you're still not home and now your mother blames me for your apparent disappearance. Forget it.

I'm never going to bother lying for you again. Once, twice. I've done it. Fine. You've always returned home in one piece.

And now that there's a possibility you're not. Your mother won't stop bugging me. I don't know where the heck you are, I don't know what the heck you're doing out there, but just GO HOME AND ENTERTAIN YOUR MOTHER.


"If my mother calls tell her I was with you at Parkway."

One simple sentence. So much trouble.

Other times it was, "If Gabriel calls, tell him you don't know where I am." "If my mother calls, tell her I was with you guys."


I hate lying. I hate lying to parents. And I hate having to tell you that I don't want to do it cause half the time you already sound murderous on the phone and you'd be twice as murderous when I next see you in real life.

I'm sick of making your excuses and having to bear the brunt of your frantic mother's paranoia over the last few hours because I was 'supposedly' the last one to have been in contact with you.


You want to get into trouble, leave me out of it. You want to continue with all that crap you're doing, you jolly well be prepared to face the consequences of your actions.

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Friday, April 22, 2005
9:35 PM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The weather is so. SO. SO. HOT.

I think I'm melting into cytoplasmic waste.

*fans self fervently*


Lizzy wants to interview Gaiman. Lizzy wants Gaiman to come to Singapore. Lizzy also realizes that the possiblity of the latter occuring is 120% higher than the former.


Hmm. Unbelievably, I actually contemplated taking the bike and cycling over to East Coast Park to get some fresh air after tuition. But typical Lizzyism got the better of me and I decidedly nua-ed in front of the computer instead.

Some sea-breeze would have been good. Maybe I could've done some writing as well.

In any case, its very good Friday evening because I'm doing absolutely NOTHING. Have been slacking since I came home, save for the 1.5hours of Chinese tuition I had earlier. Doing absolutely nothing productive and quite happy about it. *beams innocently at anyone who might think otherwise*


Debate's over. Its just a relief.. till the next motion is released, of course. Lets hope its not as rediculous as 'Mankind dabbling with Nature can only lead to mischief. Singapore should not be jumping onto a dangerous bandwagon by promoting the Life Sciences in schools'.


I feel like writing. Something. I don't know.


*stares hopelessly at blog*

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3:48 PM

*breathes*

WE WON DEBATE! WE WON 4/3~!!!!! We're going to the finals with 4/1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. OH MAN~ OH MAN OH MAN~~~

We get to do it in during Upper Sec Assembly. Awesomeeeeee. X)))



THANK YOU LORD FOR THE VICTORY!!!




... On another note. Drama got Silver for SYF. *gives virtual hugs to Krin and Jane* Can't say more. =
There's only String left now.
Choir - Gold
Band - Gold
Modern Dance - Gold
Chinese Dance - Silver
Malay Dance - Silver
Drama - Silver


Sorry guys. >__< Don't know what to say. It'd be dumb to say 'Don't be upset' or 'Its alright' or 'Are you okay' or anything of that sort. But I'd be here if you two need to rant alright?





In yet another issue.. Have been drinking tap water the past few days to humour my sister who is convinced that our water purifier is infested with ants and bathed in slime and refuses to use it.

Till Mom came back at least. Now we're back to the purifier cause my Mom thinks its rubbish but I think she's humouring my sister by investing in some other water purificator that costs SGD$800. I shall refrain from rolling my eyes.



Oh yeah. Mom's back from China with loads of goodies as usual. She always stops by Hong Kong to buy loads of tidbits back. :D Mom rocks. I love mom. She's absolutely great you know.. She can be gone for ten days, working away in China, smses us everyday, calls to say she misses us and loves us loads. Takes a plane, comes back to Singapore. Takes a cab home, puts her bag down... and immediately starts washing the clothes, ironing them, vacuuming the floor, cooks DINNER...

Wow.. I love my mom. Really. Doesn't she ever get tired? I've always wondered. But yeah, like she's said, the joy of the Lord is her strength. He keeps her running everyday.. cause she has these two daughters whom she loves very very much to look after. Lol.

My mom rocks. Lizzy <3s Mommeh. X)))

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Thursday, April 21, 2005
5:42 PM

I have a fanclub? *glances about surreptitiously*

Haahaa.

The jigsaw puzzle of Editorial stuff for this semester is starting to piece itself together.. at last. Its a huge weight off my chest. And it'd be an even bigger weight off when everything starts coming in, especially the sec4s who have promised me their articles by Saturday. Ya? :P

Luv my Editorial kakkis. Dishy. Schwal. Kryssie. Flossy. Haha. No one else understands our jokes man...



And.. My dearest Bestie Himi has decided to post something so utterly completely humiliating hilarious on her LJ. The existence of which horrified me at first glance, but at second, I found it to be quite funny after all.

SO GHEYYYYYYY. OMG I can't believe those pictures actually still exist. And Rish is the cutest of all. *starts Rish fanclub* I think she's always wanted one.. :P

Haha.. I miss Yaoi Inc so so much. <3~

Fyuu. Debate's tomorrow. =) God grant us favour, and definite success. Thank you.

We will win 4/3.

And meet 4/1 in the finals.

And get to do debate in Upper Sec Assembly in front of all the Sec3s and 4s!


And make Mr Ang proud of us.
Speaking of which, WE GOT THE CLEANEST CLASS FOR THE LATEST SPOTCHECK! OMGOMGOMG! After consecutively failing twice. We got the highest!!!! I didn't hear if it was a A or a B or even a C. I don't care! We got the highest in the sec4 level. BWAHAHAHAHA.

...
BWAHAHAAHA.

Thank you Lord. :)))



And Mom is reaching home anytime now after 10 days in China!! Happy.

And there isn't band on Monday.
So yes I missed my last official band practice.
But... :Oh well. At least no more troubling over what to do on Monday.

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005
8:22 PM

Don't mind me..

Emotions..

When I can't help but be human, when I cannot help being affected by what the world throws at me... Even in my most vulnerable of moments, you are there Lord.

Planet Shakers - Rain Down
I am falling to my knees
I need You Lord to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is calling out Your name

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am found in Your embrace

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Here in Your presence I am free
Pour down like rain
Come and touch me again
Lord let Your presence fall on me

I'm longing just to see
Your power and Your majesty

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am found in Your embrace

Sweet anointing
Wash me over
Sweet anointing
Wash me over
(REPEAT)



I leave my soul in your hands Lord, I know your healing work has already been done.

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7:33 PM

Went for the VJC humanities quiz. We didn't win. Obviously.

****


I want to curse. I want to swear. I want to hurl every intelligible form of insult somewhere. Anywhere. At anything.

I'm sorry Lord.





Missed band. I seem to miss band on all the dramatic days.

This is my blog. I feel that I have the jurisdiction to say what I want to say here.


Wasn't there. But in any case. Ms Sia walked out on us. In the four years that I've been in TKGSSB, Ms Sia has never walked out on us. Neither have I ever heard of her walking out on the band. Ever.

OKAY WE SUCKED ALRIGHT?

I want to get on with life. I've already gotten on with life. I'm prepared to move on and help the juniors. Band isn't about us anymore. ITS NOT ABOUT THE SEC FOURS ANYMORE.

Face it. We had our chance. We screwed up our chance.


Ms Sia's really disappointed in us. Disappointed that we didn't get the Gold with honours. We worked so hard. She worked even harder. She could have given up on us. But she didn't.

Hah. And what did we do? We brought back a pathetic gold.


Yes we'd leave with the memories. But for now what are we left with? Bitter remnants of everyone's discrimination against us. We'd be 'the batch that brought TK down to this level'.

What a joke. It was a great fall. I wouldn't deny the fact that we fell greatly. We fell from a height so great, it's going to be difficult to make that climb again.

But how long are we going to mope and walk around in circles grieving over the fact that we have fallen before we even remember that we've to pick ourselves up and start that climb again?



I'm tired. I'm tired of everything.

I'm going to play my best on Saturday. I'm going to play even better than SYF.

Everyone, lets just put our hearts into it.

After all, its the last thing we'd ever play. Its not like we've anything to look forward to after that.

It's the end.

Let's not fall any further. Its time to walk away.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005
10:34 PM

When I told Von no one's died from my cooking yet, I might have been wrong.

*groans and decides to go to bed*

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8:13 PM

Von says to blog about how kiam (Stingy) the school is. We have to pay for our own Speech Day photos. (Yer know those photos they take of yer when you shake the VIP's hand? Yeah. Those.)

Stingyyyy!

Okay. I've done it. :P

Haha. Congrats to the B' Div Badminton team for making it through to the finals. Good luck for your game against the Sports School this coming Monday.


Nothing much to blog about today. Speech Day rehearsal never gets very interesting does it? Hope Mr Kevin Ang got excuse letters for me and Bimz fer tomorrow. We've got some VJC humanities quiz... I want to go for band.. :(

It is our last band prac before our last performance after all.. *sighs*

I'm going to miss Ms Sia, TKGSAX, SBA... so so so much.

And our cute ickle sec2s. Omg I don't know why. The sec2 batch is absolutely adorable. Especially that Shermaine from Trumpet. LOL. OMG SO CUTE CAN?!!!! So pinchable these people. You fun-spirited people are the next leading batch... Hmm. Somehow I feel that I can leave safe in the knowledge that I know you guys have the potential to achieve the Gold with Honours. =))

Kay. Tuition time. And so concludes another boring Tuesday.

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Monday, April 18, 2005
10:09 PM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I love my section. I'm so utterly utterly proud to be part of TKGSAX. Lol.

Haven't taken any pics with the sec2s. We must take some, aye? =)

Pictures curtesy of Vera.

Lol! Okay. The last one's a personal favourite yeshhh? :) Vera randomly took it at the Singapore Conference Hall that day when we were stoning around waiting to (finally) be allowed into the auditorium. (NOTE THE SAXOPHONE BADGE. Cough cough. I purposely angled so that it'd stand out and beam proudly on my blouse collar alright. Lol.)

Caitlin couldn't be with us when we took the above pictures. Buggerall. It was the Tuesday before SYF... Lol. I love my section.. :) I love the sec2s. They're so sweet. Must find opportunity to take pictures with them. And whats with the joke that Sharyn looks like me? Aye? Aye?! Lol.

Okay lah. Haven't even finished History till now. Anyway I'm happy tonight. ^___^ *GIVES HUGS TO ALL*

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6:27 PM

Fyuuu..

[edit]
This part of the entry has been edited to give credit to someone who deserves it lots and lots. The problem was, this person was supposed to have been credited on the 14 of April. But because of certain issues, Lizzy saved the post as a draft and did not publish it. Hence leading to the fact that Melly Moo did not get the praise she deserved for a being the bestest best friend anyone could ask for. :P

The following is exactly what I wrote on that day with no modifications whatsoever, so yes Mel. I did blog about it. I just didn't manage to publish it.

[start]
Anyway.. Mel is the sweetest thing ever. Didn't bring home my 'ting xie' paper. Which basically is this horrific bunch of chinese words that we've to learn memorize for tomorrow's 'test'. First she tried writing out all the chapter titles for me in hanyu pinyin via sms! Lol! So cute. Then she brought the paper for me after MEP. Even cuter! She didn't want to get off the bus so she flung it out for me to catch when other people were getting off. Lol! Mel you're the cutest bestest ever. Haha.
[end]

[/edit]



Stayed back to do the photo albums for Ms Sia and Mr Ong today. Or at least, we tried to. Apparently there were some juicy distractions that rather.. hindered our progress. :P

Pictures of bandmates!! Man I'm so so so gonna miss everyone. Can't believe I've to miss Wednesday's practice for VJ's humanities quiz. I don't want to go for the quiz. All those schools can win for all thats worth. =(

I want to go for band.

Lizzy, Vera and Mai on a bright Saturday morning... The last Saturday practice before SYF.

Man, this is like.. absolute ALTO ONE characteristics. (Yes its inherited)

Muahahaah! The bases rule. Wonder who'd be taking over us when we leave.

And I absolutely love this picture. Lol. Cait and I were actually trying to strike a preeetty pose but Nurby dear popped up from absolutely nowhere and stuck her face in. Resulting in a surprisingly cute picture, I must admit. :P

Hoho. Okay. Was gonna take pictures of my new Pinkys. But I guess those could wait another day. :
Wish everyone would stop bringing up the fact that we didn't get the Honours.. It just doesn't coincide with my view on life to brood over what has already transpired. So sorry to all who I sorta snapped at in the band room today. Like Fary said, its just my personal point of view.

Ee Wei's was just asking about the gold. Funny. Haven't talked to her in donkey years. Hahh. She has to be one of those people whom I don't want to face. Even if she left the band in sec3. She was still a good bassoonist, regardless of which band she chose to play for.


Muuhuu. Okay. Gonna bathe and read up on History. Education is so overrated. No point worrying about tests aye? Not when you know that God is at the helm of all you do. And his favour, not your own effort, is what gets you through each day. :)

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Sunday, April 17, 2005
11:27 PM

Boo.

Lol. Today's message was really good. About money and stuff, not technically applicable to me, but it was still a good message nevertheless. I've always liked this statement that Pastor sometime uses...

"Why buy things you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress people who don't care?"

Lol. Just food for thought. Hmmm. Went for third service today, so Pastor Mark, our Hokkien pastor, conducted communion. Never look down on him, I'd say. Despite his disjointed command of the English language, his preaching is really, really annointed. Lol. What he said while telling us how God had delivered him from pornography struck a chord in the little crevase of my soul. It went something along the lines of...

"I am not ashamed of losing face. Because I am already dead in Christ, I am no longer alive. But Christ lives through me. And I always believe that dead people have no face."

Somehow, yes, this is very true. I know I do things that are not always correct. Sometimes I commit sins that would have been otherwise unpardonable if not for the Cross and his bountiful grace. And half the time I'm afraid to admit these things because I'm a Christian, and people have expectations of how a Christian should behave.

I do not deny the fact that despite of all the wrong-doings of my past, wrong doings that I know by grace God has stripped from my life, God has still blessed me greatly in this life. He has still blessed my education, my social life, my family life, my economic status. He has given me much more than I could ever need or want, and by doing so given me a capacity to be a blessing unto others as he has been a blessing unto me.

But this is where the miracle is, that God's love is so great that yes. He knows I have sinned. He sees them, no matter how filthy I believed myself to be back then. And that is why he came down to this Earth, 2000 years ago, so that I may look to my past, and see nothing but the purity that he died to give me.

"For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain."

Galatians 2: 19-21


Yep. Lol. My brain doesn't function very well as this hour (Von exasperatedly knows this). So I apologize if everything doesn't connect very well. XP (work my neurones, work I say!)


And yeah, Pastor touched briefly about serving full-time in church today. Somehow it just struck something inside, not for the first time, when the topic was brought up. I don't know if it means anything yet. But I know time will tell. I just want to go wherever God leads me, and where he can put me to glorifiy his name.

Hmm. And oh, I indulged today. *looks guilty* on PINKYS! Yes. I've finally bought a couple. Gave in to my wimps and splurged on those absolutely adorable little things. I blame their inexplicable cuteness and Aron's expanding collection. XDD

Gah, speaking of which, Lizzy misses Aron loads. *thwarps half-heartedly* I'm not actually intending to throw myself face forward at my books just because SYF's over you know.

And most of all. Lizzy misses YAOI INC. T___T Have been actually seeing more of Rish than Himi lately... (LATELY means like, the past 6 six weeks. =_=)

Met Rish two weeks ago, but practically haven't seen Himi since dinosaurs last roamed the Earth.. *mutters* Miss Mana as well. *throws trouts at the lot of you* Oh well, just know that no matter how far apart our physical distances are, you guys are still on my mind. I haven't forgotten you guys! *waves frantically* Lol. Chibby is dearly missed as well. Seems like we've been reduced to seeing each other about twice a year, if we're fortunate. T__T;;

Mana says she can't wait for O' levels to be over so I can cosplay with them. Lol. Cosplay. Looking back it seems so oddly detached that for two years it was such a big part of my life. I'm not saying that I'm quitting entirely, but I'm definitely sticking to my buddies. Not really in any mood to socialize in the cosplay circle any longer. A majority of the people there are just... blah.

Of course I've to say I've met some great people as well. Such as Yaoi Inc, Da Gang (which is an extention of Yaoi Inc. Lol.), Jess, SarahC, Gerald, Raydance, Lex, Richie, Shimin, etc etc etc. All the nice people who've made my cosplay life tolerable at major events and enjoyable at private ones.

And of course.. the bishies that appear ever so occasionally... :D~~~ Lol..

Don't mind me, am just reminiscing. XP And of course, if not for cosplay, I sometimes wonder if I'd ever have gotten back in touch with Aron again. Lol. Of all things unrelated to band.

Yeah. Cosplay's too synthetic for my taste. People there really do seem to have highly unrealistic expectations of life and whatnot. Not all, of course. Don't misunderstand me. I'm just.. happy with where I am right now. Happy with my life. Cosplay'd still fit in, somehow. Definitely. Just.. Its not life and death if I have costumes anymore. :P

Lol. And just a last random thought to end it all..

I MISS THE OLD #CELESTIALZONE days.

Eric, Esca, Chou, Ever, Snowpour, Maho, Maiko, Himi, Eugene.. even that irritating Owen^10.. Shadow, Darry, Taka... Everyone.. Lol.. Everyone's moved on with their lives now. Hope everyone is well, aye? =) At least there are fond memories to look back to. ^_^



And.. shifting once again, away from any topic of relavance...

I LOVE SBA'05!! Lol. Alright. So I'm like the 11th member, but I still love you guys loads.. And I really thank God for having placed you guys in my band life, and made it special for me.. ESPECIALLY when you guys got me the bear for my birthday. It may have been something small on your part, but yeah, Satchel's very special to me now. XP (He's my permanent computer huggle-thing.) Yepp, really appreciate you guys... like Nurb says, lets make the most of whatever days we've left as members of TKGSSB.

(SBA = Symphonic Band Alliance. The ruling party with the most seats in Parliament. XP)

Possible coalitions. Trumpcor? Lol. There is potential yet. Haha.. Okay don't mind me. Am just being slightly irrational. @__@ (Its lizzy's bedtime. Lizzy needs her beauty sleep.)

Goodnight. *waves sleepily at everyone*

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 The Saturnyne said

Whoop! A new look!

I love da little explodey thing that happens when i click on yer page!

Love! Love Love!

I love it so much i must... destroy it with flying saucers from Mars! (See my next blog post! Heh!)

S.x

7:43 AM  

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11:34 AM

TADAAAAAAAAAA! The reason for my absence yesterday. *Grins*

Anyone get a sense of deja vu here? Lol. So maybe its not as flashy as the last one.. But I like it. <3~

Green is love. Haha.

Anyway Vonnie says Sochenda isn't going to read my blog till I post happier stuff. Lol.

Though the sorrow may last for the night
The joy comes with the morning.

I can't stop staring at my layout. Its so nice and greeeeen. *bumbles happily*

Stayed over at Von's place two nights ago. Man her house is nice. We should go there more often to do debate. Lol.


Hmmm, okay the following is going to be just completely... random. =X

After fighting with a fried tilapia for an hour last night, lizzy concludes that fishbones should be classified as potentially dangerous because they are so sharp I could've used them as accupuncture needles. *gingerly massages her terrorized fingers*

And have I mentioned that I miss Mom alot? She went to China less than a week ago and is only returning on the 22nd, one day before Speech Day. She promised that she'd be back in time. Speech Day's really important to me...

And oh, VJC's Humanities Quiz is on Wednesday. I don't want to go!!!!! =( How many days do I have left as an official member of TKGSSB? VERY LITTLE. I don't want to miss a single one of them. >__< And especially not the first band practice after SYF... Sighs.

Bandmates are still moping over our loss... Well.. No matter how much we dwell on what has happened, nothing's going to change, aye? *hugs everyone who needs a hug, especially Fary dear.*

Lets just look to the future... The past is never going to change, no matter how much we continue to mope over it. *nods*

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God.


Mueh. *glomps layout again* Green is such a preeetty colour. Lizzy cannot comprehend why some people fail to enjoy its beauty. =P

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Friday, April 15, 2005
8:38 PM

Quick post. Trying to eat/blog/chat/sms at the same time. Don't have much time left till I've to go over to Von's place and I've not packed yet. Lol.

Went to Singapore Conference Hall to support St Nicks, and more importantly, Ms Sia. =)) Am so so proud of them, they got a gold!!!!! Hahaha. I'm so happy for Ms Sia. It was a bittersweet moment for all of us, but I'm really glad they got the gold. =)

Rushed there after school at 2pm and had to beg the army people at the door to let us in just for St Nick's performance, which was about 6pm. So yes we lingered around and buggered them so much that they finally did let us in to watch St Nicks.

*laughs randomly at the ACS(B) joke*

Hrmp. He was cute from far alright. From far.


Yup.. Had to forgo the session at Singapore Press Holdings, which was rather important to me cause journalism indirectly applies to my future. And had to cancel tuition again. Tutor must be really annoyed with me. But it was worth it. To see their happy tears at getting that gold. To be secure in the knowledge that at least one of Ms Sia's bands made her proud...



Bittersweet.


Anyway, this part of the entry is really something I'd rather not talk about. But yes, here it is, about to be said. *sighs wearily*

I did what I did based on the advice of our friends. Sure it was still my final decision to have uttered the words, so it was not their fault for having pushed me into doing it because they knew that if I didn't say it then, there would never ever have been another opportunity for me to say it again.

Secondly. Irregardless of your gender, it would not have happened. Our personalities are too different. I have been tempted many a times. I feel the attraction. But its just (un)fortunate that I'm a practical person. And I know, in practicality, that it would not have worked. So sorry. But it wasn't just because of the gender issue.

Thirdly, why now you say. So I chose a wrong place and time to have the guts to tell you. And it comes to show how well you know me by saying that you think I'm doing it on purpose so that you'd not do well in your tournament and because band didn't get honours so I want you to 'suffer' with me.

I don't know whether to feel insulted or amused to have been degraded to that level.


I wonder how this classifies as 'love' when you make it so easy to speculate that everytime I do something 'wrong', I do it to make you miserable on purpose. Everything I do seems to have some sort of ulterior motive attached to it. Its tiring. The friendship itself was trying enough. Talk about anything else beyond that.


I promised you that I would stay out of your life after yesterday. And I'd adhere by that promise because I think it's the best for both of us. I could live with us being just friends, you know that. But I don't think you can. And I don't think you'd heal, if that were to happen. What I think you need is a lot of time, a lot of space away from me.




God, you've seen me through this before. Yes. Such is my life. Temptation knows at many corners. The devil tries many ways to sneak into my life. Yet each time I am helpless, only secure in the knowledge that when I look to the cross, I see the finished work and know that God is taking care of the situation.

Being a Christian doesn't mean I don't screw up. Being a Child of God means that even when I so badly don't want to screw up but I do because my flesh is weak, his righteousness is still mine. He didn't die on that cross just so my righteousness could be so easily taken away from me.

I've made mistakes. Quite a few. This week. I don't want to make any more.

God, you know whats best for the both of us. And you'd turn Satan's lemons into lemonade. If any one can see us through any situation, its you.

I leave my life in your hands. Have your way in me.

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Thursday, April 14, 2005
5:46 PM

*frowns...*

My mind is rather cluttered at the moment.. nothing is very clear currently.. I don't know if I'd end up deleting this post after I gawk at it in horror a few hours thereafter, but.. for now.. I just need to get it out of my system. Badly. I suggest you not read this post if you are just a regular passerby, its really long, draggy, and does not pertain anything of particular interest. Mostly just my life, which as far as interesting goes, is about as exciting as a plain wooden table.


Emotions... I haven't felt this way in a long time. Sadness, grief, regret. Have you noticed that one bad thing that happens can trigger off an entire series of events that completely ruins everything?

First there was band... Which was one of the worst things I've ever cried over in my entire life. I seriously seriously cried till my eyes were so dry that not another tear could fall any longer.

And then now.. this.

I've been praying about this alot. This issue, with me and you. Ever since the first time we fought earlier this year. That affected me really badly. Jane would know, I couldn't stop crying during lessons and the poor girl had to suffer through most of it. The second time, I told myself I wouldn't care anymore. But you apologized first. This time...

Hmm. Its been, a week? More than a week since we've talked? Till yesterday that is, when you came up after you found out the band results.

People change. I know I've changed. All I've developed is a more 'bochup' attitude towards life. View it as a large cosmic joke if it pleases you, but it makes life a whole lot better to live. Majority of my days are passed in peace, and happiness, resting in the arms of my Daddy God. Its just these minor setbacks that come, like our band defeat, and our current argument.. that hinder my daily walk and leave me floundering for hopeless seconds.


When we first fought, I was badly affected. And I prayed alot then. I know its not the quantity of prayer, or my sincerity that secures the fact that God will do something, cause its not the measure of how much I do but of how much I let him bless me. I prayed. And nothing happened. For nearly a week we did not speak. And the whole time I had to hear you bitterly dissing me in class. Believing that I really did fake an illness. It hurt that you could bring yourself to say those words so easily.

Then we made up, sort of anyway. In the most unconventional of ways, but nothing was solved yet again. Second time. Purely my fault, to that I admit. Apologized, but you never really did accept any of my apologies, I felt. Cause you'd have thought I wasn't being sincere anyway, right?

Made up. Nothing changed yet again.

Third time. I'm clueless to the immediate factors. But I'm knowing for sure that the long term ones are that I don't listen to you, I ignore you in your most dire moments, and I asked you to shut up when you asked me so badly for help. Its just.. difficult. After hearing all your bad reports of your life for every day of the past year, every day something bad seemed to happen. Every day I wouldn't have anything to say except 'Don't worry lah.' or 'What happened?'

And it never was anything good. I never liked talking about my short-comings, and I always felt uncomfortable in a situation faced with so much negativity. I've always enjoyed surrounding myself with positive people... I know I've changed alot since I got more involved with church. The more I listened to God's word the more I drifted from you, because I couldn't bring myself to be continually in an environment that offered negativity from every corner of the conversation. I still wanted very much to be close to you, but everytime I did I felt uncomfortable. And you knew it, cause I remember telling you that your aura was very 'black', and that I felt odd in your presence.

I just started to distance myself because the feeling kept coming back. The warning feeling. The feeling that something ominous would happen if I didn't keep myself away. Ominous things happened anyway. Whether I kept away from you or not. I know you're probably frustrated that I keep going back to the 'God' issue. But really. I live my life for Him. And I'm sorry if you cannot accept the fact that no matter what, he will come first in my life. Always. My family follows after, and then my friends. I put him first in my life because I know when he is there, when he is the first person I look to, he will definitely look after everything else for me. My family, my friends, my life, school.. everything just falls into place.

Do I do well in school because I'm smart? Sorry I don't think so. I didn't get the 3rd lowest L1R5 in class in term 1 because I studied hard. Even if it was a 13 and 4 points higher than Von and A.Simin's 9. I can sincerely say that everytime I do well, I want the credit to first go to him. Because I know he's the one who saw me through it. I know how much effort I put into studying. And its never alot. I do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I live each day with the knowledge that he's blessed me in my daily life.

I just live my life this way. Carefree, with the knowledge in the fact that my future is secure with my Daddy God, no matter what the results of anything are. So we got a Gold, no honours. There are reasons for everything. And God has shown me that my physical effort, my own blood, my own sweat, my own tears running down my face, is worthless. Its worth nothing. A 'pathetic gold' according to a particular senior whom I'm afraid I'm too fond of to badmouth. =P

I've been so jumpy, so listless, so restless, so worried this past week about everything that I haven't given God the opportunity to let him do HIS work.

I'm sorry if you're frustrated at my behaviour. I'm frustrated at my own behaviour.

And yes, I know we never solved it. I've made many mistakes in my past. I don't want to make any more. This is tempting. It really is. The human part of me really wanted to take hold of that opportunity and grab it. But the spirit has been holding me back this past year and the year before. Because God knows whats good for me. And this isn't.

I want to talk soon. I want you to know.. yes, what everyone has been telling me that I need to tell you. And I've held it back long enough. You need to know the answer. And you need to know why. It was unfair of me to have held it back. It was stuff that we should've settled way back in the beginning. If I feel the peace to tell it to you tomorrow, I will.

God you know my heart. You know my intentions. I don't know your will, but let your will be done. Because your way is the one way, and the best way.

Gina, thanks. Amen. The problem has already been solved. =)

I shall think no further. Because once its in God's hands and out of mine, I know he can definitely do what I cannot do.

God, give me peace. And the wisdom to do the right things at the right time.

1 comments.

 Anonymous said

Hey. Cheer up. Some times things just seem so difficult to deal with, especially if they come one after another. Just take things one at a time and try hard.
Technically speech day is the last day of your band days. But you can choose to know my identity whenever you want and lastly...
God will guide you down your path. Reach out.=)

5:10 PM  

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005
7:12 PM

I'm crying again. As though I haven't shed enough tears for a day to last me the entire year alone.

I hope I'd never have to cry like this for a long time thereafter. I can't stop crying now, but the sun will rise again tomorrow morning, and I'd be fine. Life will definitely go on, but for today, my grief is great.

I didn't want to come home. Took as long as I could to get back to the safety of my haven. Cause I knew I'd cry the minute I came in, sat down and took a long good look at my SYF presents.

There's still this burning question.
WHY?

We got a gold. A gold. We didn't get honours. I don't give a damn because its a gold. So what? This gold means that we got less than 85% for our total grade. Our seniors have never achieved anything lower than a 90.

The teachers were being most unhelpful with their remarks. (Teachers refers specifically to Mdm Lee and Ms Tay) Don't you see? Why do you keep going on about your crap that 'its the effort that counts, not the end result' when you yourself know very well that everyone is going to look at TKGSSB and know that we didn't manage to get the honours when all of Glosz's bands did and so did some Orchid Park school.

'There's still SYF 2007 and band concert 2006"
Was that meant to console us? Hello? Do you not notice that the ones crying were the SEC FOURS? This was our only chance at glory. Our one stab at proving that we could've done it. The only time we could have proved to all the seniors that all their bullshit about our batch was a load of hogwash. And we missed it. We screwed up the chance. We got a gold. A gold that isn't even close to the standards of previous batches. And you tell us not to compare? This is TKGSSB. This band is... no, WAS the school's pride and joy.

But I forgot. Our importance has long since dwindled. Along with tradition. Along with everything the seniors worked so hard to achieve. The discipline. The attitude. The school doesn't think highly of its band anymore. We've fallen short. Its a gold. Its a gold that missed the honours by probably a COUPLE of marks.

Its.. everything we worked these 4 years for. Everything we've dreamed of achieving ever since we knew we were the leading batch. Everything about band was about SYF. Sure there were other performances. Sure there were the concerts. But it was NOT SYF. And SYF's was the big It. Its not enough to know we did our best when we know we did our best and still didn't meet the mark. We still aren't as good as our seniors.

..

What do they know? All they've tasted is success.



Grieved. I'm really grieved. We cried alot in school, after finding out about the results. Dilly and Wanting took it the worst.

My dear BL and ABL. You two have done a fabulous job. I know you have. I know you wanted so very much for us to bring back that Gold of Honour for Ms Sia, for the school, for our teachers, and the seniors. Just know that I'm glad that the both of you are at the helm of our band, cause there wouldn't have been any other band leader I would have respected more than the both of you and all the effort you put in.

And to my section.. We played our best. Vera, you're a great SL. Don't blame yourself for anything.

I just can't seem to snap out of this daze. This surreal, horrific acknowledgement of the fact that that Gold of Honours I believed so very much we would get did not come to pass.


Lord, where did I go wrong?

I know its not a problem on your side. Its a problem on mine. Please show me why.




My eyes hurt. I don't know. I'm just numb... probably just going to sit here all night and not do anything.. I don't think I could possibly handle much right now. Had lunch/ice-cream with the SBA and Ms Sim at Swensens after we were done grieving our hearts out in school.

Felt.. out of place. Or maybe it was just the fact that no matter how much we were smiling and laughing and joking around... we would all come home, sit in the silence, and realize that nothing is any different. The pain lingers in my heart. I've not been this heartbroken since... I don't know.. Certain friendship issues of late, I suppose.

There's just a whole lot of crap on my mind. That I know I left to God. But with all thats happened today, everything just came rushing back in a torrential flow of emotions..

I'm gonna pick myself up. I'm not dwadling in my hole forever.


God, you have a place and purpose for everything. And I know you'd show it to me in your own time. However the circumstances may seem now, only you know the bigger picture.

Though the sorrow may last for the night, the joy comes in the morning.




And.. thanks to all who gave me stuff. My section, my bandmates, my classmates... My sec 2 juniors, who were the sweetest ever and made us sushi, brownies AND cookies. And for coming so early to see us off. And for crying your eyes out with us when we were sitting there bawling in disappointment over the results.

To Flossy.. for the wonderful gifts. They're really nice. Thanks for the moral support you offered. *grins..*

To.. you. Yeah, you know who you are. Thanks for being there. When I couldn't even cry anymore. Even if all you could offer was a hug, it was more than I could've asked for. Thanks. Love you.


...

I want to be able to smile genuinely in class tomorrow, and be normal.

I know my current sec2s will make us proud in 2007 and bring that Gold with Honours back for us. Do for us, and the band, and especially for Ms Sia, what the SYF batch of 2005 failed to achieve.

Bring the glory back with you guys in 2007. Smash all the boy schools down. Retake the reigns of the Top 5. With Yuhua and River Valley too. Show those incompetent judges what real music is.


..

And now, back to normal transmission.

Cause as Mr Ang unfeelingly says, life goes on.

2 comments.

 Anonymous said

better take care wor... i know its veri painful that u never got what u expect after such a hard work afterall its ur last chance.... dun cry liao ok :>

chouzzay

8:49 PM  

 gayhearts said

darlin, we understand. the choir has gone through stuff like that too. we understand k? time heals. who cares abt orchid pot. hur! luv you lots and lots and lots. your darlin melly moo(yucks)

9:45 PM  

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005
10:24 PM

QUICK POST!

Am sitting in my pile of semi-complete SYF presents.

The entire dining room's a mess.

Have not touched ANY emaths for tomorrow's impending CA.

SHOULD have been alseep by 8.00PM.

And here I am, blogging.

SYF's in less than 12 hours. I've not been this excited since my trip to USA when I was 10 years old. Even Scandinavia didn't get me this hyped up. *bounces up and down*

I know everyone's worried and stuff, especially after receiving news that Yuhua only got a Gold today, without the honours.

My God is for me all the way through this. I will not let my heart be troubled, neither will I let it be afraid. 'Cause if my God is for me, then who can be against me? =)

I know he will see us through. Our physical circumstances do not matter. God will work through us, he'd play through us, and he's already granted us favour with the judges. Not by my righteousness do I say this but by the finished work of Jesus' death on the cross.

I know he's heard me, and he has freely given me all things.

SYF will go well tomorrow. It'd be smooth-sailing, everyone will hit the right notes, there will be no squeaking, we'd all be in tune and watch our dynamic levels.

Not by my confidence in TKGSSB do I say this, but because I know our success is not dependent on the physical, but on the spiritual.

When I work, God rests. And when I rest, God works. So thank you Lord, that I am now resting 100% in your finished work.

No worries, no stress, because God is the only one who can give us the BEST POSSIBLE RESULTS and ensure that we give our best possible performance.

The Gold with Honours already belongs to TKGSSB. I may be human, and doubt may linger within me, but God already knows what I want and God has already delivered.

Thanks to all who have wished us all the best for tomorrow. And now. Sleepin' time.

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1:18 AM

*grins meekly*

Okay, so I couldn't help it. Here it is, Tong Hua. Won't stay long though, I've loads of plans for the music I feature on my blog.

The following lyrics have been borrowed from here.

Guang Liang(Michael Wong) - Tong Hua
wang le you duo jiu (forgot how long it was)
zai mei ting dao ni (not hearing you anymore)
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi (telling me your favorite fairy tale)
wo xiang le hen jiu (I thought for a long time)
wo kai shi huang le (I started to worried)
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le she me (Did I do something wrong again?)

#

ni ku zhe dui wo shuo (You cried and told me)
tong hua li du shi pian ren de (fairy tale is a lie)
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi (It's impossible for me to be your prince)
ye xu ni bu hui dong (or maybe you don't understand)
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou (since the day you said you love me)
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le (the stars in my sky are brighter)

*

wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li (I wish I was the angel in the fairy tale)
ni ai de na ge tian shi (the angel that you love)
zhang kai shuang shou (open out my hand)
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni (transformed into a pair of wings to protect you)
ni yao xiang xin (you must believe)
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li (believe that we will be like the fairy tale story)
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju (hapiness will be our ending)

Repeat # and *

wo yao bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

wo hui bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

yi qi xie wo men de jie ju (write our ending together)


Lol. Alright, so I'm not much of a believer in such songs. Its all really sweet, but its true, its all a load of hogwashy fairy tales. Only God is capable of doing all that in my life. And only God can make me feel like the most complete, beloved one on this planet. =))

*being chased to bed. Tis 1.20AM*

Night. ^_^

2 comments.

 Stephane said

could do with an translation, heh.

10:46 AM  

 Stephane said

as in ... uh, nevermind.

10:49 AM  

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Monday, April 11, 2005
9:35 PM

LALALALA.
LAAAAAAAAAA!

o_O

I'm feeling uberly fluffy. And I blame it on this song I accidentally downloaded while sourcing for band music.

Its called Tong Hua, but some guy called Guang Liang. (Excuse my ignorance, I'm going to assume that its a popular song cause it does sound somewhat, vaguely... familiar.)

Its so.. sweet. *fluffs* Lol. I'm not normally susceptible to... cheesy overrated chinese love songs, but occasionally, if you do manage to get me close enough to one, I turn into a puddle of molten cheese on the spot.

Che! And all this while downloading a whole range of Gustav Holst's pieces!! Buggerit. (First Suite in Eb, familiar? Anyone? :P) Got a whole range of his compositions. Happy! He's guuud. And I've Jericho as well, VS's choice piece. ITS VERY NICE. *___* I want to play it. Sounds challenging. Sounds nice. Bert Appermont r0x0rs. (For those of you who don't know, he wrote Noah's Ark. *silence* And for those of you who are going wth is Noah's Ark, just skip this paragraph.) =x

Muuhuu. Okay, so all I've done since coming back from band was immerse myself and saturate my being with Essence of Band (the good one that doesn't involve aching cheek muscles, peeling/bleeding lips, sweat-drenched uniforms and grubby, oily faces.) and I'm so excited. Lol. SYF's ON WEDNESDAY!~ (imagines Aron rolling his eyes at Lizzy's enthusiasm.)

Hey, SYF only comes once for every TK girl, even if you've seen TK through many batch of TKGSSB friends. .

Talking abt SYF. Shock of the day.

Gold with Honours bands for today, Monday, the 11th of April 2005, Day 1 of Central Judging...

Temasek Secondary (Quite duh)
Victoria School (Even more duh)
Marsiling (Last SYF: Silver, surprising but still acceptable)
Orchid Park (Last SYF: Certificate of Participation. This SYF. Gold with Honours)

*breathes*
WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No offence to anyone from Marsiling or Orchid Park, especially Orchard Park.. but, who ARE you guys?!!!!!! (and more importantly, WHO IS YOUR CONDUCTOR?!)

*raves* *mutters to self*


Okay. Rooting for YuHua tomorrow. I know they'd get the Gold with Honours. I mean, they're YuHua, they can't possibly get anything else.

And its us on Wednesday. TKGSSB will triumph. Everyone's worked very hard for this, but I know God's favour is there with us 100% of the way, cause I credit all my successes to him. And I know that he has seen us through! We'd return with the Gold with Honours. =)

(and Lizzy shall shriek in utter happiness in Aron's ear while he politely goes through what he knows as 'routine'.)


AHHHHHHHHHH. Tong Hua is so nice. Shall put it up on my blog sooner or later. Its really.. sweet. *mushes*


Oh.. And before I forget..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUFANG!!!! (14 years of age, SAXOPHONIST, 10th April)
and...
MY DEAREST FARY SWEETIE. (11th April) *HUGGLES* (16 years of age, SAXOPHONIST, BATCHMATE, BABE and GF TO A REALLY CUTE DRUGGIE-TYPE. =x)

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Saturday, April 09, 2005
11:21 PM

Back. Didn't manage to get anything for my section. :( Round two tomorrow...

What I did get, however, were two more Discworld novels to add to my growing collection... XD;; Met a whole bunch of cosplayers at Kino, mostly people whom I hardly see, hardly get to see, and was pleasantly surprised to see. . . well, sort of anyway.

(Elmo looked gay. Gayshirtgayshirtgayshirt.coughs.) Hmmm. Well, yeah. No offence but cosplay has turned into more of a bane than pleasure of late. x___X Was feeling uberly blur.. Apologies for any.. er.. incovenience caused. *nods head blearily*

Mu-wah. Sleepy. :
ANYWAY! Posted this on my LJ, but since no one replied and I'm rather curious to know how the replies for this particular meme will go, I'd post it here and hopefully some of you will (preferably) comment (not tag!) and make full use of the commenting system which I have styled to make it a covenient popup that does not even require you having to leave this page.. XD;;


a. Post a list of 5 fandoms.
b. Have your friends list choose a character from each fandom that he/she thinks most resembles you and justify why.
c. Post in your own LJ.

1. Lord of the Rings
2. Harry Potter
3. Terry Pratchett (Discworld series)
4. Neil Gaiman (Sandman series)
5. Weiss Kreuz (^_^)
[of my own]6. Any character from any fandom you think I most resemble. XP

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5:20 PM

Quick post! And then I'm out to buy presents for my dearest bandmates. =) SYF's on Wednesday~~~~

Enjoyed today's practice for no apparent reason, but guess I was feeling pretty cheerful after yesterday's Bible Study.

Was feeling pretty dry all week, and something kept prompting me to go to BS, so I did. And boy am I glad I did. *grins* The message was not something particularly new, but it was definitely something I needed to hear, and definitely something that arrowed straight in and plonked itself in my heart. When I stand still, God works. When I work, God stands still. So now I'm standing still, cause God's work will definitely be better than anything I can produce. =)

Choir got a Gold. They received a penalty for having one additional member and lost the marks needed to get an Honours. I feel awful for them, especially for Shu Wei. Dear, I don't want you to feel bad, or blame yourself, if you have. I think you're a great choir president. You really, really did put your heart and soul into this one competition. You strived so hard for you and your members to get where you are, and you kept by the rules, stuck by your morales, and held on through your teeth even in the face of adversity. I really admire you, and no matter what has happens, just know that this is not the end. Don't let anyone get you down. Don't let the seniors, the juniors, anyone blame you. Don't let yourself shoulder the guilt. SYF's over. Yes, the sadness will linger, but remember that we, your friends, 4/6, will always be there for you guys, its not how well you did for SYF that makes us love you, its you. Not your achievements, not what you can or cannot do, but you.

Just remember that we're always here okay?


Yup. Alright should be going out soon. Today was rather.... sad. Technically speaking its our last Saturday rehearsal, which means its the last day we, the sec4s, will ever get to 'officially' put on our Blue and White band uniform. Cameras were brought, pictures were taken... Ahhhhhh!! And its only April. It seems not so very long ago that the last batch of sec4s left, and I remember the days on my desperate reliance on Soo Kun's playing, and how lost I felt when she left. How I had to slowly and gradually pick myself up and read scores.. For someone who has learnt music since before she entered primary school, I seriously suck at music. BUT. Yes, God has seen me through, and even though I'm still a horrible pianist, he had made me into a (at the very least) semi-decent tenor saxophonist.

AHHH. The good ole' days. Wonder if my dear Sec3s will miss us.. *nudges* =X

And oh! Ms Sia got us our collar pins today. *Happy* Shiny shiny shiny and gold!~ Lol.

3 days to SYF!

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Thursday, April 07, 2005
4:04 PM

Band engulfs much of my existence these days. There's our daily, 6.30AM practices in school. Our official Monday, Wednesday and Saturday practices. Our unofficial Tuesday practices. And the occasional Sunday rehearsal.

By next Wednesday, the 13th of April 2005, the worth of my four years in TKGSSB will have been decided. Everything our batch has dreamed of, worked towards, struggled for, will come to pass.

We will get that Gold with Honours. We have gotten it. I'm not saying this because my faith is great, I'm not saying this because I'm being complacent. I'm just saying it because I believe that my Daddy God in heaven has heard my request. And he has blessed TKGSSB with this Gold (Honours).

He too, has given the choir their Gold of Honours, because I do not doubt in my heart that he has heard my prayer.

Their SYF's tomorrow. Not by their efforts, but by the grace of God. He has given them that Gold (Honours).

He cannot help but bless us greatly.

For whoever has, to him more will be given, and he will have abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.
-Matthew 13:12

This was the message playing in Mom's car today as I came to school, and I give a hundred percent thanks to God because he has already given it to me, to us. And he will continue to bless us with much more than we can ever imagine.

I will not worry, and I will not let my heart be troubled. He will not give us that Gold with Honours because he has already given it to us. It has long been ours to claim, to mark as our own.

Thank you God. Not by our own efforts, not by what we do, but by your grace, the choir and the band have the awards we've waited our entire TKGS life for. =)))


******

Hmmm, nowww, rants.

This is an issue I've been wanting to rant about for ages. Excuse the likelihood of it being a result of PMSy tendencies.

There's this certain.. individual. You wouldn't know her unless you're part of my.. outside circle of friends. This does not pertain anyone in school, and in fact, this part of the entry is quite pointless if you don't understand who I'm talking about.

I've always had a certain dislike for 'sticky' people. People over-possessive of their significant others in a romantic relationship. People who are so obssessed with their other halves that it has already transcended beyond any form of 'love' or 'adoration' and has evolved into a dangerous, psychopatic form of desperate ownership.

Such people are often severely insecure, in my humble opinion. People whom I wouldn't want to get close to just for the incovenience of having to deal with their oddities. Excuse me if it seems selfish, to not want to reach out a helping hand to a drowning person. But these are areas I don't know how to swim in. And getting myself drowned as well is not a secondary option.

In other words, yes I have the tendency to stay away from people who have greatly exaggerated personal problems and behave as though the weight of world rests heavily on their shoulders because I do not believe in my capabilities (or more like, lack thereof) at assisting them raise themselves up to higher ground.

Only God can do that. And if God doesn't lead me to a particular scenario, I feel best to stay out of it because it'd be likely that God doesn't want me dragged into areas of negative influences unless he already has a plan for my being there.

So, this certain individual has gotten attention-seekingly, annoying scary as of late. Reading her blog each day leaves me feeling a sense of uncertainty - whether to feel pity, or disgust....

For those of you who have read her blog, you'd know what I mean. I'd generally keep my opinions to myself on these sorts of matter. But as I look at her wasting her life away each day I can't help but feel that someone like her really needs God.

God looks at us, sees the worst in us, opens his arms and lets us in. And he really makes miracles out of our lives. I mean.. he's made such a miracle out of mine. Sometimes it feels so surreal to be where I am now, living the life that I strived so hard to get but failed to achieve, only to give up and have God take over and really really turn my life around.

God is very real. And all I can do is pray for her, because I know that I cannot do anything. But He can do everything. If he could change my life, he can change hers. Mine was bad, hers is possibly worse. But doesn't that give him even more space to make her life more blessed than ever before? Because when he does it, when it happens, it'd be to his glory.

I'm going to keep praying for her. Because I know its people like her who can one day shine for Christ. People like her whom God uses to change lives.

My God didn't come to earth to die for perfect people. Perfect people don't need to be saved. Perfect people don't even exist.

My God, my awesome Jesus, came to Earth and died on that cross so that dysfunctional people like me, people with sick, sad, pathetic lives. People whom everyone else gave up on. People who are so down and out that society won't even look at them anymore. People condemned to die.

Its people like us, the dirty ones. The hopeless ones. That my Jesus came to save. And he has washed us whiter than snow. He came to die for you and me. Pathetic, useless me and equally sin-ridden you.

He came to die for us. He came to give us this miracle. He came so that we may live, so that we may be the ones to enjoy the blessings that he gives, the favour that he blesses us with, the grace that he grants us, and the wisdom that he bestows upon us to do the right things at the right time. It is all Him. He can do it. And I know he will.

1 comments.

 Stephane said

that contemporary of yours is probably in the opposite of being reckless (or if you like, "bochup").

while being somewhat sorry for her, it's alright -not- to sympathise, for there is no single human being who is able to live with so much insecurity for very long.

the earlier she sees the big picture, the better.

2:30 AM  

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Monday, April 04, 2005
9:06 PM

Fweehh.

*bounces about in child-like excitement*

And they're mine! All mine~ At a cost of SGD$13 each, of course. Rather steep, if you'd ask me. BUT ITS SO PREEETTY~ And nicely embroidered. No more badly printed Slytherin badges stuck onto felt and double-sided taped onto my robes!

*attempts very hard to make Krys and Schwa jealous*

Lol. Thanks a million to Jess, who ordered them for me (among a whole bunch o' other people) and got them 'ere to Singapore for me to drool at make a jolly good costume with.

*gazes lovingly* Am not so much into cosplaying at the moment, no plans for the future as of yet, but... For now, I'm just going to keep myself happy oogling at it.

*feels all the sceptical eyes peering at her in politely masked disbelief*

*peers meekly*

I do believe in fairies, I do! I do!

Muah.


Had chinese oral and listening comprehension today, marks will be counted for our prelims, so thank you Lord that you've brought me through it with your grace and favour. One of the questions posed for today's oral was 'Stress', and I was happily trying to convey to my examiner, in my abominable excuse for Mandrin, that leading a stress-free, worry-free life is more beneficial than one plagued by a daily addiction to worrying.

Lol. In any case, whatever the conversation was that transpired during oral, God has already blessed with favour in the eyes of the examiner, that I will do well, not because I'm good at Chinese, because I'm rather atrocious with the language. Not because of any of my personal achievements. Not because of any effort I put in, but because GOD IS IN CONTROL. And I left it all to him, so it was all his, and none of me. =)


Okaeh, nine days to SYF.

Be blessed, my friends. :) *totters away to do history homework*

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Sunday, April 03, 2005
8:15 PM

I have SO MANY THINGS TO BLOG ABOUT.

GAH.

Fine I shall slowly sift them out indivually over the next few days, lest you bore yourself into the next oblivion if I try to squish it all into one post and it ends up being a 5000 word essay.

Have saved a nice long draft of my previous day's post which I was too sleepy to complete last night.

Shall use part of whats there first, for tonight, and the rest for subsequent nights, even though I'm pretty much bursting to get everything out of my system.

[start of 2nd April 2005's post]
Awrightee. Blogging time. Lots to blog about, and Sis isn't in the vicinity to stop me. Harhar.

Yesterday was Sports Day. Unexciting. Completely un-exhilarating. Saved only by the absurdity of the secondary four's rebellious social dancing etiquette.

Went out with 9 of my beloved four/sixers after that. Jwong and Jong (Aka Jolene Wong and Jolene Ong), Sonia, Char, Shuwei, Jane, Melanie, Rene and Zhaoeeyyy. Ate at Seoul Garden, Jwong left, and we went to Heerens to take neoprints.

Now first, I just had to blog about this, no offence to Jane or anything. But in all honesty, Jane cannot cook to save her life. Sonia and I, who were just... lets say, unfortunate enough to share a table with her, felt distinctive parental instincts overtake us, despite our raging hunger, and cook for Baby Jane, who could not possibly even have been trusted to boil a fishball. Like I said again, no offence, you're a great friend hon, really whacked up in the head, but your personal survival skills ranges from about zero to minus ten.

And back to the neoprints.

Unfortunately, Jo's (as in Jolene Ong's) wallet was stolen from right under our noses by someone despicable enough to empty her satchet of neoprints into the 5th floor dustbin, and dispose of her empty wallet in the one on the first floor, void of all valuables including her IC. It was completely maddening to know that all these happened in the span of less than 15 minutes from the time we entered the neoprint machine and the wallet's last sighting.

We searched all the bins in the vicinity in hope that the IC might be located but to no avail. It disgusts me that there are people who would sink as low as that to make a quick buck of another person's misfortune, but that is what has become of this world, and it should hardly come across as surprising any longer.

If your impression of the situation is that 'its no big deal, and stuff like this happens all the time', then it is merely further proof of how low our society has sunk. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, God is in control of the situation, and I know that no matter what the outcome is, God will provide Jo with the best possible way out of it, and she'd be blessed a thousand times more, because she is God's beloved child and he will never let anything happen to his children.

The Devil cannot attack us, because when God is for us, who can be against us?

Yepp. So I believe that everything will work out for good. Satan might throw lemons at us in a bid to cause misery, but God will turn these lemons in lemonade, and HE WILL PROVIDE. No matter what. *nods*
[End 2nd April post]

SO MUCH MORE TO SAY. *intentionally attempts to gag self*

Gah, at least there'd be stuff for me to rant about over the next few entries.

Shall go bathe and study tingxie. Must appreciate ting xie while I still have it. *sniffles irritably*

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Friday, April 01, 2005
11:32 PM

Hmm. Originally had a long post planned out, but sis has just robbed me of most of my 'post-bath' hours of productivity to help her do t-shirt design...

In any case, I'm pretty much exhausted, had a really really tiring day. Am typing gibbering at the moment, and nodding off quite readily as my fingers strain to decipher the messages my neurones are sending them.

GOODNIGHT.

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Lizzy (04/02); student, teacher, saxophonist, graphic designer, writer, child of God.

Loves God, green tea frap and peanut butter cups. :D

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