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Thursday, March 24, 2005
7:24 PM

HAPPY.

Okay, pause. Lemme just give a great big shout out to Kit,

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Thanks to our Daddy God for already showering his innumerable blessings on you, and granting you favour in all walks of your life. May you grow in your faith, love and understanding as the year stretches ahead in front of you and rest in the righteousness of his GRACE!

[Warning, very, very long post ahead.]
Alright, time for more raves about how good God has been to me. XP

If you'd remember (possibly not, but do feel free to refer if you feel boliao enough), I mentioned something in my post dated 1st March 2005 regarding a surprising incident that transpired. I did not want to elaborate on it at that point in time because it was a piece of unexpected news that I felt both please and unsure about.

But today, the 24th of March 2005, the news has since been confirmed, and I'd gladly like to share it with all who care to read my meager little blogspace, not to show off, but to show this miracle of how much God really cares for his little ones (aka me. ^_^).

Take note that you might feel like I'm exaggerating too greatly, but this really meant a lot to me.

On the first day of March, I received an sms from Mrs Lim, my dearest Editorial teacher/editor/IC that she had submitted my name to be nominated to receive the Outstanding Service Award, possibly one of the best acknowledgements you can get from TKGS for having contributed to the school. Then it was merely an unconfirmed nomination, so I didn't want to dwell on it too heavily. But it has now been confirmed, and yes, God has blessed me with the Award. =)

Well so what? You might ask.

All my life, all through primary school I had never wanted to go to any other school except TKGS because my idol, the one person I looked up to so very very much, was there. My sister. Of course, she has long since graduated even before I made it in, but all my life I never wanted to be anywhere else except TK. And so, of course, wanting to be just like my sister. I joined the band.

My sister, back in her time, was the Drum Major. Section leader of bassoon, and an Outstanding Service Award holder for her contributions to the band. She then proceeded to graduate with an L1R5 of 9 points, which was then, merely considered average in her class (4/9). No prizes for guessing why I wanted so very very much to be like her.

In my desperation to reach her standards and hopes for me, I remember wanting very very much to acheive everything she did. And I told that to God, in sec1, although back then my faith wasn't strong, and I didn't believe that greatly in God to do all things for us. But this is what I do remember asking for. I remember asking God that I wanted to stand on stage on Speech Day, in sec4, and make my sister proud. Make my mother proud.

Of course.. then my band tribulation began, and the horrible happenings of my apparent depression that left me quite alone during my sec1, sec2 years. All my hopes and dreams were starting to crash into an endless, unforgivable void of which I never believed I would have been able to climb out of. Then sec3 came along, and life got increasing better, and better and better and better.. 3/6 was a blessing to my life. Editorial made CCA contributes really worth it. And by then I had forgotten (or more like utterly gave up hope that I could ever be ANYTHING like Dorothy the Great) all about that heartfelt wish I made 3 years ago about wanting to achieve everything my sister did.

Of course, by now, being sec4. I have realized that my sister isn't as perfect as I made her out to be. And there was no one on earth I would ever be as musically inclined as her. (Not forgetting her Sports Captain status and indivual winner on several consecutive Sports Days AND her dance and piano committments.)

I had forgotten all about it. Forgotten about my broken dream and lost hope. But HE didn't. He remembered. And he delivered. For my entire lower sec life I tried so hard to prove myself. I tried my darnest, my bestest, to rise above the rest. Just so that people would look at me for me, for someone I really was, and not 'Oh, she's just Dorothy's younger sister.' Having an over-achieving elder sister is tough. Von would know, Bimz would know. Being shadowed in her limelight is never very edifying. This stopped bothering me towards the middle of sec3, when in my daftness I finally saw how different I was from my sister.

And this is the beauty of it all. I stopped working hard for it, I didn't even remember that this was what I wanted to work hard for anymore. And there it was, and He just gave it to me. I didn't even beg or ask for it... He just, gave.

I'm really marvelling over the fact right now. That he has placed it so nicely, that my sis received the Outstanding Service Award for her contributions to the Band, and I would receive mine for contribution to Editorial. Editorial. Wow. Music meant the world to my sister when she was an impressionable 16-year-old teenager. (She's now a wonky 25-year-old who still behaves otherwise.) And writing and designing means the world to me now. Isn't God just wonderful? I mean.. He's really placed it very beautifully, as if he's trying to tell me that "Hey, Dor was good at band, she was made to a blessing to the band. But you are you, and you're not her, and you were made to bless editorial. I made her a good musician, but I made you a good writer."

[Liz, at this point in time, apologizes for the length of the post.] And God always knows how to make nice little touches to his miracles. The band will be playing on Speech Day. And I of course, will be playing for the band. Which means that I will be in band uniform. I'd be getting my prizes for History and the award in my band uniform. Lol. Ok, no relation really. But thats how I always envisioned it to be. That my mom'd be there, somewhere, and I'd be there in my band uniform, proud to be a member of TKGSSB, proud to be a member of TKGSEB, proud that God has given me the capabilities to lead my class, proud to have classmates like my current ones. Proud to have been a TKGian.

I've told a few people, including Mom, this. That I have acheived everything I came to TKGS to acheive. Everything I wanted, Everything I had brushed off as wistful daydreams in sec1, everything has come to pass. God has given it all to me.

See, even though I forgot how significant wanting to be so much like my sis was to be in sec1, He remembered so very well how important that was to me then. And he never, ever fails. He will always see his beloved through, no matter how, where or what. It was only after I failed so badly I couldn't crawl up to try again, it was only after I gave up all hope in myself, it was only after I deemed myself unworthy of all things great that God could move in my life. And how greatly He moved when I finally let go of my pride and cried out in my shame and helplessness to him.

My dreams have all come true. And the best of it has yet to come. I'm glad my life has turned out well, and I'm not hesitating to give all, 100% of the credit to my Daddy God. Because my success is not the measure of own effort, but of how willing I am to let go and let Him take care of everything for me.

I am undeserving of his favour, but yet he willingly paid the price for my sins on that cross. And his finished work can never, ever be reverted. No one has the authority to take away my righteousness, because God cannot and will not undo a finished work.

Thank you so much Lord.. because only you know of how much this really meant to me. And you saw me through. And have and will continue to see me through. Amen.

[End: 9.12PM, with snacks and a bath in between. XP]
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
7:49 PM

Whee!

Today was a day of many..many emotions. Firstly, screwed up History paper in such a laughable manner that I couldn't help but laugh at my own rediculous answers. 16/25, possibly one of the worst grades I've ever gotten for my 'best' subject.

Secondly, Ms Ho (our dearest chem teacher, whose subject I have gladly dropped) replied the letter I wrote to her yesterday. I just felt the urge and peace to write to her, because there were many many things I wanted to thank her for, but if I waited till Teacher's Day to let it all out, I would have burst. Yepp.

Thank God that she's saved, and I know she too, has our Daddy God's favour upon her and she's relying on His strength to see her through the difficult classes. =)

Thirdly, THANK YOU BIMZ for the loan of the Phillip, Craig and Dean CDS, which I have borrowed for over a month and will now finally return them. *looks sheepish* As well as the PlanetShakers CDs, all four of them, that you've loaned me today, and I promise to return tomorrow.

Am only burning the live ones cause I've a preference for live worship. I love PlanetShaker's jaming style, not so much for the lyrical value of the songs but the guitars, basses and drums. XP

Hmmm. 'Tis was a long, long band day today as well, but pretty alright for the saxes... God bless the trumpets, trombones and f.horns. *gives hugs to all of you*


Alright, am just prancing around from topic to topic. -_-"

I don't have much to blog 'bout really. *twiddles thumbs*

I stand in awe of youuuu..~

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Monday, March 21, 2005
10:12 PM

Randomnesss~

First day of term. Rather lazy day. K Ang didn't come again. Anyway this is a reminder to all my dearie classmates, bring $13.50 for class tee! =)

DC Talk's Supernatural is playing on my Windows Media Player now.. great music, but I'm pining for the PlanetShaker's CD ever since the PlanetShaker's concert on Saturday evening. Have finally bought the Michael Buble CD though, and I'm sorry to say that it was a slightly disappointing album.

Anyway, even though I must admit that Casting Crowns was very very nice to have playing on my blog for a really long period of time, change is eminent and here's HISTORY MAKER. =)

Am itching to change my layout but firstly, I really love the current one. And for seconds, I've little inspiration to make one to better the one thats happily splayed across the screen at the moment. Lol.

Awright. Time to hit the books.

Thank you Lord for granting me strength and a stress-free life.

ALL OF YOU AND NONE OF ME. Amen.

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12:00 AM

I'm in an odd mood tonight. Perhaps its due to the fact that I'm probably tired, though thats more likely to be a pathetic stab at an excuse.

Or perhaps its due to the fact that there's school tomorrow.

The apparent (open inverted commas) March holidays (close inverted commas) are over. Though I think I spent a healthy handful of it pawing over my beloved tenor sax in school or attempting to begin doing homework. Unsuccessfully, of course.

*stares in bemusement at raging pile of not even unfinished.. but more of undone homework.*

My heart feels troubled, which knowing from experience, is never a good thing.

So Lord, thank you that all my troubles are already yours, and in your mighty hands they have already been settled.

Today's message was really really good.. It is in our lowest moments that God really shines. It truly is when we screw up so badly, when the world is against us, in our worst moments, thats really when God can move in our life and give us the undeserving favour that Jesus died on the cross to give us.

Where sin abounded, grace much more abounds. =)

Thank you Lord, that you see me in my ugliest moments, on my worst days, when I'm down and out beyond all physical rescue. Thank you Lord, for bringing me to this place and having lifted me up from my tears and shame to let me reign in life. =)

Its zero-percent me and a hundred-percent YOU all the way Lord. Thank you Lord that the measure of my success is not dependent on my works, not dependent on what I do, but completely dependent on your grace and your finished work on the cross.

^_^

Went to the Planetshakers concert last night, must admit that they have nice songs though I hadn't heard any of them before. Shall get the CD if and when I'm able to.

"Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
- Romans 5: 20-21

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Thursday, March 17, 2005
11:23 AM

Dear Blog

I just had to blog about this.

*beams*

Yesterday, the 16th of March 2005, was the bestest bestest bestest for us, saxophonists of TKGSSB, in the history of our TKGSSB life. =)

As mentioned on Vera's and Fary's blogs, the sax section, (esp our batch) has never, ever been praised for doing absolutely anything in the history of our four years here.

But yesterday, *pauses dramatically* was the first time we got praised. By a Japanese conductor. Not Ms. Sia (even though her approval does mean alot to us). But a Japanese conductor.

*sqweee!* Alright, so we just got praised got getting our rhythm right, and for being able to play that particular phrase with the right intensity of tonguing and whatnots.. BUT I'M SO PROUD OF MY SECTION! *beams happily*

Thank you God, for giving us this one opportunity in our band lives to make us feel like all this time, our efforts have been worth it.

Alright, and Ms. Sia said something that hurt me deep. Don't know bout the rest, but it hurt when she said that getting the Gold with Honours didn't mean anything to us. That it only meant something to the seniors but we don't care if we let 15 years worth of TKGSSB success go down the drain.

Well I don't care about the physical circumstances. I don't care if they think that all the boys schools are better than us. That St. Pats, ACSI and RI are going to do so much better than us. I don't care what the world thinks. Because they don't matter.

Only God matters. And God is already in fullforce, already in control of the situation. It is not up to Ms. Sia, Mr. Ong, or our discouraging seniors to tell us what we're gonna get. I've asked God for that God with Honours. And HE WILL GIVE IT TO US.

And much more. It is not the measure of my faith in our capabilities. It is not my right to doubt God's power. He can do great things, and he will do it for us. He was see us through SYF on the 13th of April. No matter how we play. He will make make a miracle for us.

The world can look down on us. But God is in control. And it will be His moment to glorify His name. The more the world puts us down, the more people say we can't do, the mightier the opportunity God has to work in the situation.

So to everyone who says we can't do it.

Let me tell you this,

We can't.

But God can. God will. And God has.

"For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. "
-Mark 11:23

And it will come to pass. Because its not the measure of my faith, but the measure of my belief in his finished work. That he has already completed it once and for all on the cross. IT IS FINISHED. He said. And so it is. No one can change the fact that his work is complete.

Thank you Lord, you have seen us through SYF. And you've seen us through good.

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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
8:51 PM

WHEE. Haven't blogged for [too] long. Have so much to say yet.. can't remember all that has been running through my mind these past couple o' days.

In any case,

I am quite, quite sick of Orchard. *feels rather ill* Please do not jio me out to Orchard anymore for the rest of the week. I do not believe that I'd be able to withstand the excessive exposure to posuers, smokers, and misc repetative scenery. ^_^

Was there for most of Saturday afternoon, Sunday evening, and Monday afternoon and evening. Have taken neoprints a grand total of seven times within the span of these 3 days, and am honestly quite bored with puri machines.

Would love to post the neos I took with my beloved Himi, Rish and Mana on Sunday, but they're kinda on the small side and exhausting my memory card failed to procure anything that wasn't blur. =( Still, they were nice neos. And you have no idea how happy I was to have been able to spend time with them. I've missed them so so so much. T__T We hardly get to spend time with each other anymore and Rish [who although has a tendency for great volumes of exaggeration] is convinced that once school starts for her this coming Monday, the twenty-first of March, she'd be locked in the prison of education and will never see us again save for the holidays.

Well dear, *pats shoulder reassuringly* do not despair! *dramatic pose* If Himi and her crazy NAFA schedule can do it, so can you. *nods head encouragingly* And me and my incessantly long list of uncompleted tasks pertaining my studies, class, and CCAs, of course. ;___;

Anyway. *muacks* I just miss you two. Thats all. And Mana and Nevar too of course. >_< I couldn't help but glomp you guys at first sight.

Anyway, ate at Sakae on Monday. I swear this was one of the few rare times in my life that WY ate less than me. =X (She had nine and I had fourteen)

[Am imagining Rish and Himi scoffing at my fourteen plates..]

Lol. Ok.. time to post neos, and erm, a picture of a cat we happened to walk past on Sunday when we were leaving ACM for Lau Pa Sat.


And unfortunately, what appears to be the best shots of Sunday's neoprints... And Monday's neoprints.. [Aren't chu a lil tired of seeing my face plastered all over my blog? T_T]
I don't know why but its a trend that Rene likes having the 'gay' word scrawled over every neoprint she designs.. Oh well. *shrugs nonchalantly*


*coughs* Okay. Enough of my face. (And the familiar faces that appear in the neoprints. Anyone sensing a trend here?)

AHAHAHAHAAA. Okay time check. It is now 9.55PM. Have just watched the trailer for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. OMG ITS SO CYNICAL! LOL.

URL HERE.
Do not watch the trailer on the main page. Especially if you've not read the book.

Why? Cause it probably won't do much good for you. ^_^;; Watch the trailer thats encompassed in the little white box that says 'Click here to watch the new exclusive trailer! Available only online!' IT IS SO SO SO FUNNY. LOL. Btw Alan Rickman (aka Severus Snape) voices Marvin (the paranoid android, aka the pathetically morose-looking robot) and he's adorable. ^_______^

LOL. Love the 'bit about the deep voice, it reminds me of Pablo! (Yaoi Inc joke, unless you've watched Pablo Francisco's stand-up comedy vids.)

Oh mann. Can't wait for the movie to come out. *__* And Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! XDDD It'd be good, timely breathers from the boring monotone of sec4 life.

NYEHE. Ok. Have blogged long enough. Oh yeah, watched Robots last night. Its funny. Himi and Rish dear, would you guys be wanting to catch it? Or Unfortunate Events. Robots is seriously more entertaining, but Unfortunate Events is a very 'our' kind of show.. ~_~

Right. Enough. *bops head* Have been blogging for more than an hour. It is now 10.05PM. Need to plan my interview (with an old girl from TK) for tomorrow.

*poofy*

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Saturday, March 12, 2005
10:42 PM

Whee, lengthy image-heavy post today. You have been warned.


Alrighteh, promised pics of Ammonia (Christened Sootball by Sis and I) and some other stuff.

Went trigger happy with Rene and WY today and took neoprints thrice. So those are up as well. *points below* More as we go along~ *whistles*


Now first up,

Yaoi Inc! Nyek nyek. Taken the day we celebrated Rish's birthday and gave her Howl and Calcifer.. *giggles* I LAAV YOU TWOOOOO. *muacks* Know we haven't been doing much with each other lately, but I know I miss you, and you miss me too. =X




Next.






Ammonia/Sootball.



Sooty has a little problem. We've been pondering over whether it'd be needing the vet. His/her left ear flopped down a couple of days ago (exactly like how a lop-eared rabbit would) and hasn't been able to rise since. Hence looking like how it does..below. Still. Its rather weird and looks pretty... odd. To have one flopping down like that. We have no idea whyyyy.. But it refuses to go back up again. So it has one ear up, and one ear down. -_-"




Okay.. Now neos from today. They're pretty blur mostly. Will try and take some better shots soon. Haven't a scanner so they were all taken with my digicam. My hands were either superbly unsteady today or the lighting was totally disagreable with my unprofessionalism. XP


Okay. End of pikturs. XP


Alrighteh, soooo, went to Orchard today and don't think I did anything particularly productive. But oh well. *Shrugs* 'Tis the March hols! (As much as it doesn't exactly feel very holidayish.) Shall not elaborate on my and Wy's crazy urges to take decent photos (Trust me when I say we've been extremely unsuccessful in our countless, fruitless, previous attempts). The above (which is but a taste of what we put ourselves through today for the sake of looking.. er.. good.) is proof enough.


About to say something I wouldn't normally even bother rambling about, but since the femine, girlier side of me is hyper today... I want new clothes!

Lol. *sheepishgrin*
Righters. Shall.. stop 'ere. Just enjoy the photos. They speak louder than a thousand words, after all.

1 comments.

 The Saturnyne said

Neat piccies!

love for piccies!

Yup, taking piccies is haaard! Even the Saturnynes of da world only shoot about one in ten that please them adequately... and even those...

S.x

2:12 PM  

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Friday, March 11, 2005
11:38 PM

I'm feeling really ... really ... floaty.

*looks half dazed*

Pondering over the fact that the teachers have been continually asking us to 'settle down' and get serious about our education. Somehow I don't feel very 'settled'. Lol.

I still feel disconnected from reality.. But I figure its just God's way of working in my life, leaving me care-less and stress-free so that I wouldn't have to worry about anything... Lol.


Back from the James Moody concert at the Esplanade.. Gaaaaaaaaawd he rocks. Jazz music is da bomb.


Ordering shirts for the class tomorrow. Realized that I've forgotten to ask for sizes. I shall deduce them to the best of my abilities for you guys alright? Since I know how the sizes are gonna turn out.


Tired. Need to deal with Editorial stuff for the moment.. Laters. ^^;;

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5:01 PM

I Think I Love You (By David Cassidy) is running on my Windows Media Player now. Lol. Its such a cute song! And the fan video is even cuter.

Anyway reasonably pleasant day. Its amazing how God can work when you finally realize how foolish you've been to try and salvage the situation when God can do a much, much better job that you could ever think of.

I hear you Lord, and I've left it all in your hands. So go ahead and do whats best with it, cause I'm not worrying about it anymore.

Going for one of 'em jazz concerts at Esplanade tonight. Excited. Happy. Jazz. Mmm. Jazz is gooooood.

Lol. Mmkay, shall leave yer with a quote and be off.

"If its a miracle you need, its a miracle you'd get - If you remain in peace."

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Thursday, March 10, 2005
7:38 PM

Look hon, its not like a made a conscious effort to not help anyone. People don't approach me for help on a general basis. I know I'm not like Von. I can never be like her.

I'm sorry for wasting your time. And for goodness sake I don't want to compete with any of you. I don't care if I don't top the class for History. In fact at the beginning of this year, dear Mr Kevin Ang already 'asked' me to 'give the position to someone else'.

Being first isn't important to me. It never has. I'm not any different from you. I just want to meet my personal best. I just want to maintain what I'm good at. And I have never schemed to make use of you and not help you in return.

And when I said stupid reasons I didn't meant today. The only one who was stupid today was me. Look I didn't even know why I said that, and I swear I didn't mean it. But my words don't mean a thing to you.

I know I can be a prat. I know I'm blunt, straightforward, yet stupid enough not to even know why I do well at my humanities.

The minutes the words left my mouth today I felt sick. Sick at myself. I didn't bring my book over unwillingly. I felt guilty. And what was I to do, suddenly appear as if I never said those words at all? You hate it everytime I do that, do something wrong and try to make things right. Would you even have accepted it after that anyway? I think not.

Okay you want the full explanation, here it is.

Go ahead and say I'm childish, I'm not denying that it isn't.

Firstly, in my entire, entire life. I swear I have never done so much work in one night. Never. And of course, feeling a little sense of pride and achievement in myself, I decided to keep it to myself. Selfish. Yes, I admit. But it was sincerely the first time I ever did any real work. I just wanted to be childish, wanted to keep it for myself.

I swear I never meant to hurt you with my words. If you don't want to help me with maths anymore then so be it. I suck at maths anyway. You have your own jurisdiction to help others, I don't deserve your assistance after what I've done. I won't even have the guts to ask you for help anymore.

I admit I'm wrong. But it was never, ever my intention to be better than you. I've always accepted the fact all the way from sec3 that you were smarter than me, more hardworking than me, the one who always got the better L1R5. I'm not fighting with you. Nor anyone else. I don't aim to beat anyone.

When I said the other day that I wanted the both of us to get the same L1R5 for our O' levels, I meant it. I see you as a friend, an equal. I'm not trying to defeat anyone, I'm not trying to gain any advantage over you.

I don't know why you keep looking at it that way. Why are you so afraid of me doing better than you? You've always done better than me. I wouldn't even be unhappy if you got better grades than me at O' levels.

This friendship means a lot to me. Please, I'm not in this friendship to use you. Sometimes I wish we weren't friends in a school environment. I wish we weren't put in scenarios where others rank us according to our capabilities. I wish competition really didn't exist.

I just want to be your friend. The kind I can just hang out with, laugh, talk, gossip, share my secrets with. The kind whom I can just go shopping with, watch a movie, buy matching stuff, do lame stupid girly things... and put ourselves in an environment where this fucking education system can't touch us. Can't affect us. Damnit.

Look, I just don't think very often. And when I do I don't think very well. My mind is disconnected at probably every neurone due to the lack of use. Things just don't connect in my mind. You may think I'm daft. I think I'm daft.

I don't want to use you. Please get rid of that. I'd never ask you for help again if it'd help you study better.

And I've realized where I'm wrong. I know I'm selfish with what I know, with my Lit, but History... Honestly I wouldn't even dare to give anyone an affirmative answer because I'd never know if I'm right or wrong. And now I'm looking at the class, and I want to help them. And I want to help you.

But gee, you have Von. And yeah, I know she's a much better friend than I could ever be. I'm sorry. I've tried to make up for things since the last time we fought. I'm sorry. I've failed.

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3:22 PM

Sighs. How would one describe today? It wasn't supposed to be a bad day. But somehow the gut feeling after communion this morning warned me that this was going to be one of those days...

Howl's Moving Castle is playing softly in the background. Think the sobreity of the soundtrack just serves to amplify my feelings of aghast disgust at myself.

Well. Did something really horrible today. Hurt a very important person, again. I seem to be doing that a lot. I don't want to, really. I just don't know what came over me.. Or maybe I do.

If you'd refer to yesterday's post, I recall stating the fact that I wanted to (finally) get my life into some form of tidiness. Actually do homework, pack my files (gasp), clear out my worksheets.. stop breeding roaches.. that kinda stuff.

Well, so thats what I did. I did all 10, 11 pages of the history workbook. I cleared out my files. (And absolutely stuffed them into a great big bag I did.) Only brought the necessary worksheets to school, for the first time since the first day of Term. And strangely, did not garner any satisfaction from actually doing something productive. (So says the person who does homework so often that completing it once is actually a shock to her system.)

You'd have to forgive me. This is probably the first time this year I've ever attempted to do any other homework besides Amaths. (After all, I couldn't possibly talk to the class about doing work and not do work myself.)

Bleh. WHATEVER. Moral of the story, self-effort really, seriously, amounts to nothing. I mean, the first time I ever bother to finish such a big lousy chunk of work and what do I become? Selfish. My best friend asks me for it and I refuse to lend it to her. What kind of lousy jerk am I? Feeling guilty. Which is rare. RESOLVE. Time to go back to being bochap. When I chap, things happen. Pui.

Thoroughly disgusted with myself. If I could go back to that one moment and stop myself from doing what I did, I would. It must hurt so bad, to have helped me time and again, and again, and again, for like the entire year of 2004 and 2005 and just because I did history till 2AM this morning and I was bleary at 7AM in school didn't give me any valid reason whatsoever to refuse to help her. Sheesh. If I was her, I would be hurt. Verily so. She has after all done a lot on her part to help me comprehend the gibberish that is maths, and when it existed, Chem.

I honestly cannot say anything in my own defence, I'd be ashamed to try and twist the fact that today's rift was my fault. I'm sorry. I really am. I know you're really hurt. I'm sorry.




On to another thing. Grades. Yep. The grades came back today. And they're due back in school tomorrow. I can't help but feel the overwhelming sense of sadness that looms over 4/6 like a perpetual rain cloud. I'm praying for the best for everyone with their parents, especially those who return to households who fail to comprehend the true capabilities of their children.

I myself am happy with the grades that God has blessed me with. 13 points for overall L1R5. Chemistry is still reflected on my report. Buggerall buggerall buggerall. It pulled down my overall average by a whooping 6.8 marks. (16.4% F9. Lol) So average stands at 63.2 now.

Shall keep trusting the Lord to guide me through school. Sorry Adora if I appear to disagree on certain issues regarding our Christian belief. I guess the way we've been brought up in the faith is somewhat different. Still, I love you loads, thank God for somehow always managing to put you there for me at the right place and right time... You truly are a blessing to have around. =) Though you mostly don't say anything, it's still comforting to have you there. Thanks.


Yeah. In any case. I'm going to stop trying to organize my life. Apparently the chaos works just fine, thankyouverymuch. I'd rather return to my abode of disorganized mess and keep the people I hold dear to my heart than make an attempt at following a systematic set of guidelines and find myself behaving this way towards people again.

(And it wasn't just one person I was being prissy to regarding homework. Gee. Liz, stop it. Stop being an ass.)

Pah! There's one job I'd probably never be able to do when I grow older. I'd probably never be a secretary.

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Wednesday, March 09, 2005
9:25 PM

Dear Lord,

It has been a semi-eventful day. It is days like these I realize how fortunate I really am to be blessed with a father who knows and cares little for what revolves around my daily life save for whether I have eaten dinner, a mother who has never put any pressure on me to do academically well and a sister whose insanity keeps me functioning on a regular basis.

I feel really grieved for some of my classmates after speaking to them today. I know that demanding parents are something I'd never be able to comprehend because the revelation that I do, indeed, have a thoroughly blessed life at home hit me like a blow to the stomach today.

I've never needed to worry about what my mother would think if I wished to go to a poly instead of JC. I've never needed to grouse over the fact that my parents refuse to allow me to drop a subject. And I've never been berated, punished, or insulted because of lousy grades. (And trust me, I'm not some maniacal 'A' student.)

In fact, I'm really blessed to have a family that doesn't believe in the exchange of insults. Only good words pass in this household, even between my sister and I. Our bickerings never lead to name-callings, and the worst damage ever done was probably to nag me to clean the sink or lock the door.

Gee.

Lord, really, thank you so so so much for the blessings you've poured on my family. Sometimes I wish, and today is one of those 'sometimes', that more people would have mothers like mine. I wonder how much untouched potential goes to waste because of stubborn parents who fail to see beyond the veils that mask their own eyes and forsake the true psychological welfare of their children just to appease their reputation and good name.

I feel like a bird who has never been caged, never truly realizes the painful horrors of being locked behind cold, steel bars. Never truly appreciates the freedom of being able to fly. This freedom, is after all, commonplace to me. But yet I see the yearning of those behind those cruel locks, and in my heart I wish it was within my power to set them free. But the power isn't mine. And the voice with which I speak with wields little power.

Bah. >_<

Oh yeah, to Mel, Simmie, WY and Von. Sorry if I was really direct with some of the things I've said today. I really meant them out of concern and as a friend. They weren't to diss you or anything. Honestly there isn't anything to gain from trying to get the upper hand. I'm just have the tendency of being untactfully blunt when I feel the urgency to get a point across. Just take it with a pinch of salt, but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.. ^^;;

Anyway...

Talked to the class in general today. Hope I've said the right stuff.. and hope I've got the motivation going.. I really want 4/6 to do well. I really want us to show the school that we can make TKGS proud. 10 points everyone.. 10.. Lol. I know its a big goal. But not unattainable. And especially, I don't want to see any 4/6-er failing English or Emath.

If I've offended anyone with what I've said today, I'm sorry. But like I've said, I hope you've gotten the gist of what I've said, or the purpose for me having spoken would have been defeated. ^^;;

Its 9.55PM now.. Gonna attempt to organize my school bag and do a bit of history.

Y'know, I've always liked my untidiness. My disorderly methods of function. My haphazard stacks and piles that strews across all available space that has been branded mine. I like my chaos. =
It gives me a comforting, 'lived-in' feel... Though, I suppose now that I'm sixteen, its 'bout time I exercized some personal responsibility to clear up my junk piles.. (such as my school bag for starters. And my files with worksheets so ancient that you'd hardly recognize the dates that remain at the right-hand corners... Alright, I'm exaggerating. But my files do require some semblance of.. order. *cringes*)

10.00PM. Mueh.

Thank you Lord, for the blessings you've bestowed upon my family and me. May they multiply, prosper, and be a tousand times more.

Lord, you're gonna see 4/6 through this. With Christ, all things are possible.

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005
9:15 PM

Hum hum. Dreary school day. Watched A Series of Unfortunate Events with Ter. Its an average movie, honestly I'm a little disappointed. Pretty much expected a bit more from the show, but it was still enjoyable nevertheless. And the sarcasm that absolutely radiates from Count Olaf is delicious. *grins*

I'd recommend it, its something one ought to catch because of its decency, as long as you have the time for it, that is. Howl's Moving Castle is still at the top of my list for being a must-see while its still in the theatres. =3 The animation is *drools*, the music is *drools* and it'd leave you feeling really fluffy after watching it. XP

Ammonia is like the cutest thing ever. *tushes him* Pictures soon! He's grown a little bigger since he came. (For those who know not, Ammonia is Anne's 'ickle bunny. I'm looking after it for a few months. Its really really really really really adorable. *squish*)

I'm growing attached to the lil' thing. Not good. Must not give it too much TLC, or the separation to come will be even more painful. =(

Its got a really lovable personality, much better than Raisin (Godblesshissoul), I must admit.

Oh well.


Days have been passing in a hazy blur of colours... I feel surreal all the time, toasty and warm in the Father's embrace.. ^__^

Let go and let God.

1 comments.

 Anonymous said

RIZZAY~wanna go BS on friday(11th)?

<3
rish

2:35 PM  

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Sunday, March 06, 2005
10:24 PM

DEAR BLOG!~

I FEEL SO LOVED!!!!!!! X)

Jesus loves me so so so much. Just had a 2hour talk with my Mom. We were talking about how much God has changed our lives since we came to New Creation and stuff.

MANNNNNN. JESUS REALLY REALLY LOVES US!!

Ahhh. Thanks Lord, for blessing my family so greatly. Will update more tomorrow, need to go start on Bio now. Have yet to finish reading any of it.

AHHHHH. I FEEL SO LOVED!!!

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Saturday, March 05, 2005
1:05 PM

Firstly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST SL VERA!!!
We love you. :)

Secondly,

CONGRATS TO MRS LIM! Who gave birth to her 2nd child, Dayna on the 3rd of March. XD
(Its a girl by the way, just in case.. coughs.)

Back from band. Had rehearsal last night at the Singapore Conference Hall. Let me just say that the Hall absolutely ruins your sound.. or exposes it... whichever you prefer. It makes you sound completely naked. Every technical mistake is audible. And the tone.. oh the tone... *cringes*

To the sec3 flautists sitting in front of me, if you're reading this. You're very airy. Just a point to note.

Bleh. Was uber depressed to hear us play, and St. Nicks were there too. They were being a good sport and all. I'm just ashamed of our band.. TKGSSB.. We could not have sunk any lower.

Cried a little, can't stand my tone. Sometimes I marvel over why I joined the band. Of all the things I'm good at, I had to go and join a CCA that requires every ounce of my effort yet reaps little reward. But here I am nevertheless, and I will maintain my responsibility to the band and do my best for SYF, even if I'm a sucky tenor. I do not expect to see any more of band after I leave TK.

It has been a good experience, it has been extremely, extremely humbling to be placed in a position where my 'talent' fails to assist me in any way whatsoever. I appreciate the many lessons, ego-bruising and confidence-crushing that band has given to me. Its made me gain a deeper respect for the people around me, a greater appreciation for those who have to work hard to gain their status.

I love you God, thank you Lord for placing me in all the right situations.. Lol.. Hmm.. I'd elaborate more on this when I get my confirmation.. :P

Hmmm. Okay, shall stop here. Am supposed to go meet WY for lunch/mugging session.

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Thursday, March 03, 2005
8:19 PM

Snatched off Aron's bloggie.

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 81% Advanced, and 83% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Link - Here.

Pertaining results at school.
Lalaaaa. Thank you Lord, I know I'm not clever. I know I'm not smart. I know I'm nothing on my own. Only by your supernatural grace and favour do I do well. I do not want to rely on my own self-effort, I do not want the glory to be given to me.

Lord I want the glory to go to you Lord, I want people to see you when they see me. I don't want them to see me, I don't want them to think that I'm the one who is capable of achieving all that I've achieved. I want people to know that my Jesus did it. God's favour is just washing over me so greatly these days.

And now, Lizzay is sleepy. ^^;;;

Goodnight. *totters away*

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Tuesday, March 01, 2005
7:45 PM

Mah blog! *muacks blog*

Hmm. Interesting day.

First of all, I finally got to see my Vice-Principal on Monday regarding Chemistry, and I've finally been allowed to drop it. Sooo. I have seven subjects now. And I'm distantly upset over the fact that my L1R5 for this term is 14. Oh well. I know God will see me through. =)

ANYWAY!

We won the first round of debate!!! X)
*happy* The 4/7 debators were really good, I thought all 4 of you spoke very well, its just that your points weren't strong enough. Still love you though. But~ 4/6 has emerged triumphant!~ Moving on to the semis now.. Thank you God for seeing us through the rounds. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Your favour will continue to be upon us as we progress through the semi-finals.

AHHH~ Von, Bimz and Krin, I laav yuu!

It was so amusing to see us win. The debate Chairman (Amelia) read out the name of our class, and there was a moment of contemplative silence, just one teensy weensy moment as though we had no idea what to do. Then simultaneously, the 4 of us jumped out of our seats, with Von, Bimz and I absolutely knocking the chairs over and enveloped each other in elated embraces. w00t.! HAPPY.!!! Lol.

Think my essay is one of the three picked by the school to send to the Commonwealth as a competition piece. Am happy. Its the first time since primary school that my essay was sent. Thank you God, your grace and favour is superbly abundant in my life right now.

Something else that surprised me very very much happened, but I shan't elaborate much till more has come to pass. Lord, you've really changed my life so much since lower sec.. Gee. I would never have imagined myself being in this position 2 years ago.. I could never have gotten to where I am on my own. Never.

Even Mel knows. Lol. Thank you Lord for the countless miracles you continue to place in my life. Thank you so much for the physical manifestations of your love for me. Thank you so so so much. I don't know what to say, just feel pretty odd now. Happy kind of odd. Like my day couldn't possibly get any better. Lol.

I LOVE MY JESUS! XDDD

Alrighteh, went to Swensens to eat with WY, Mel, Rene and Simmie in celebration of WY's birthday, which is tomorrow. Yes we've gotten the 1001 hints you've been throwing none too shyly in our general direction. :P

Joke of the day: TUBA.

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Lizzy (04/02); student, teacher, saxophonist, graphic designer, writer, child of God.

Loves God, green tea frap and peanut butter cups. :D

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